AD ASTRA PER ASPERA

im tired

2010-06-25T21:08:00.004+08:00

i've been pondering whether to write about this. i am quite hesitant to do it but this is my blog, right? and i should be free to write about anything coz if not, this blog is meaningless (and should be shut down immediately). well, i guess coz now, i just don't care. im tired. for the longest time ive been trying to repair something that seems to be too hard to fix.

whatever i do, things just don't seem to work. it's like im playing the part of an ill doer asking for forgiveness from a stone or as a criminal being avoided but well in fact i know deep in my heart that i don't deserve any of those.

we live only once and i don't want to spend my life chasing after people who do not consider what i consider as important, who could drop you like a hot potato anytime and take you back whenever like there's nothing that has happen. i have feelings too, right?

i just don't deserve it.

im tired.

i think this has finally got it's toll on me.

im stopping now.

maybe it's time for me to accept that there are things i cannot get back as it used to be. i shouldn't dwell on the past. and that i should accept the fact that not all people value relationships built for years.

i'll take away this thing on my chest that's been hurting me. i shouldn't have allowed it to be there in the first place. it's not even worth it.

so i say, ENOUGH. i'm tired. i'm moving on. and i make no apology with the way things has turned out with me.

>>

nothing's ever built to last

2010-06-23T16:17:00.003+08:00

eksena sa ROD call room:
cy: one- twenty one guns...
me: tungkol ba saan yang song na yan?
lucky: oo nga
cy: ewan ko. basta kinakanta ko lang

i heart this version

>>

tic talk ala chika minute

2010-06-18T06:51:00.006+08:00

i had buckets of sweat yesterday despite the aircon. it's the first time i drove borgy all by myself yesterday. thanks to my super bait ambulance driver who was so supportive. i drove in a convoy with him driving the ambulance. it was scary but i think i had been more aware of my mistakes.

i wish i can have a picture with borgy and make it my profile pic in fb but my 'official photographer' is a little busy. well i might do that myself over the weekend coz ive been missing doing the clickin. i wont do it to brag about having a car though i confess i am a little but i am just a proud momma! and borgy and me, we're together everyday for almost a week now. he's my constant date to work, hee hee.

parang ang bilis ng oras, ano? it's mid june already! i am dragging myself to read harrison everyday and scare myself that ive got a few months left to prepare. it also excites me that it will only be a few weeks before i ride my first airbus! awww i feel pitied now. i have rode everything but the airbus. im more excited than scared because ill be doing it by myself. haha.

i remember last week, i went out to watch satc2 with kla, one of my hs buddies whom i haven't seen for ages. we were supposed to be a group but ended up with only the two of us because of last minute cancellation from rhodsie and master neil due to health issues and stuff. hope that when the next twilight installment comes, we will be a group watching. oh i just love reunions now. catching up on each other's lives and at the same time reminiscing the old times. i have been skyping with my dear bestfriend zel whom i haven't spoke to in ages also and i was so amazed with how much she has matured! she was our baby back then but now, she's the one giving me advices on love and life in general. i miss her. i miss how i loved huggin her back then. ang lambot nya kase. hehe. (peace!!!) next week ill attend the wedding of mark, a friend i had way back in elementary. it's gonna be a sweet reunion after more than a decade of not seeing each other and a sad despedida coz he and his wifey are migrating to canada. next month, i'll be flying to visit my college dorm buddy who's down south. and i promised to go out with another college friend when she comes home in aug. i would love to fetch her from the airport. how i wish i can drive in the metro by that time harhar.

ok time to go now. hope next time there will be pictures.

im in love!

2010-06-14T18:36:00.007+08:00

you know how it feels when your heart skip the moment you lay eyes on something that's really wonderful? i had that feeling a while ago and i knew i am in love!

honestly, i am not a fan of rubber shoes. i just have a pair of nike tennis shoes just in case i feel the urge to jog and that's all. but when i saw these converse high cut rubber shoes (dont know what they're called) i was mesmerized. i know i must have 'em.

yep, i tried it on. i heart this color!!!

gorgeous, isn't it?

when i looked at the price tag, my heart sank. i don't have enough moolah to take it home (awwwww....snif snif) hay. i was wishing for fairy godmother to appear and buy me that shoe. hayz. well if there's anyone out there, im size 36.5. please be my fairy godmother!

>>

happiness is this deep

2010-06-07T22:07:00.001+08:00

happiness has nothing to do with pleasure.

You feel pleasure when you want something and you get it. Or when you don't want something and you remove it. Pleasure is always relative. Happiness is absolute. Happiness is the understanding and acceptance of life as it is in this very moment as completely perfect, because every creation of God is perfect. The degree to which you do not accept life in all of the Divine forms is the degree to which you suffer.

got a new baby

2010-06-06T19:02:00.005+08:00

yup, that's right. but apparently, all the current speculations from my friends with regards to who or what this baby is, are wrong.

hindi sya tao, hindi sya hayop. pero bagay- na bagay kami.
inuubos nya ang pera ko at napapagod ang mga binti ko pag kasama ko sya (no pun intended).

it doesn't breathe but it has a name. i named it Borgy. why? coz i remember, one of my fellow docs in the first hospital i worked in told me that if i'll get a car, i should name it Borgy and so i did. Yup, i just got a car this week. Borgy's birth date is actually may 31, 2010. he's a handsome toyota corolla gli wide body. i still don't have a picture with him yet. i wanted master neil to do the honors in doing the photo shoot. neil, up to now believes that Borgy is my new boyfriend. LOL.

>>

LSS

2010-06-04T23:04:00.003+08:00

kanina ko pa to pinapaulit ulit. haha. heard it while at work so i looked it up in youtube. hay. i just love listening to it. parang ang sarap sarap ma-inlove hihihi.

dont mind the lyrics though. parang joke kase eh. haha. i wish i can find a piano piece of this. i want to learn how to play this song. pramis!

>>

and how can i forget you

2010-05-29T14:37:00.003+08:00

scooby, the wonder dog in our dorm. he's a snobbish dog who runs after all the non-dormers. he was the only dog i liked coz the first time he saw me, he didn't scare me out. i guess he knew what a future dormer will look and smell like.

>>

paalam at maraming salamat

2010-05-27T16:59:00.008+08:00

yes. the time has come for me to leave the place that provided me comfort and solace. i could recall how sad and hurt i was from all the things that had happened before the last year ended and during the first few months of this year in addition to the dissatisfaction i got from my so called job and catatonic/ sedentary lifestyle. one day came that i finally said to myself "enough." i looked for a job, then the next day the chief of clinics called me up and told me ill be starting after three days. fast and crazy as it may seem but i knew that was 'it'. no turning back.

it was the first week of march and the summer's heat was just setting in. the hospital is an hour ride from the pier to the hospital. as i see the place, i realized what i have been asking was given to me... to be in a far away island and enjoy the rush of the ocean. truly, ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find.

my stay there though brief gave me a lot of good memories. i have also met a lot of good people, and gained friends. i am also grateful given the chance to practice my profession there. i have learned a lot from two great consultants who were my mentors in internal medicine (i was resident in charge of the department of internal medicine during my stay there) and all the other consultants. they have always been there for us. i must say, going there is one of the best decisions i have made. it was nice going out of one's comfort zone. challenging one's self and knowing what you are made of is already a reward in itself.

now the time has come to move on. i had to give up my job there because i will be needing time to study for the exams and for the residency training itself. i wont go jobless though. i have already accepted to be a regular physician in a health insurance clinic just near my place (that was my other job in between my duties down south). it doesn't pay much but it's so benign and conducive for studying. that is already fair enough for me.

i will miss my friends though, especially my two roommates.

...and also our dorm we fondly call our little house

i will also miss our pleasure trips we do on our free days.

and the cheap but cute clothes in the town. the place has no department stores and no malls but some of the clothes we've found were treasures!

i wore this today in the clinic and matched it with my celine wedges. i bought the dress for only a hundred and seventy bucks. that's mamburao fashion at its finest. haha.

i will miss you, mamburao!

>>

ang init sa tuguegarao!

2010-05-26T16:32:00.010+08:00

i was late. i thought i was going to be here 3 months ago but for some unexpected and not so good turn of events, i was not able to fulfill my promise until much later.

mom, who also promised to visit Our Lady in Piat, was reluctant to go but after what had happened to me when i returned from mindoro (i had an encounter with mandurukot/hold-uppers. they were about 4-5 men), i took it as a sign that we should go and do it also as a sign of gratitude for keeping me safe and unharmed. i was very lucky indeed because my whole salary was with me at that time and my lumix too.

so mom, brother and me went there on a saturday to catch the sunday mass. mom wanted that we leave in the morning so we can enjoy the view. it's my first time to go to that side of the north and all i can say is, anlayo nya huh. i can reach ilocos norte in 10 hours but it took us 12 hours to reach cagayan valley even on a deluxe bus. but the view was also great. it's really a thrill going up north.

the view from nueva vizcaya

welcome to isabela province

all these i took while the bus was moving. lucky me i was able to take these shots. thanks to lumix too.

it's a wonderful feeling having knelt before Our Lady. the time i spent with her in the basilica was brief but worthwhile. i would have loved to stay a little longer but the weather was just too hot for me to endure. our little boy, mat, was not able to take it too. he got sick and so we left right after the mass. but it's ok. i know it wont be the last time i will visit her. i just hope when i come back it will be at the time of the cold season so i can go around and visit the callao caves as well.

>>

HP currently reads

2010-05-20T18:40:00.003+08:00

my new found friend on the other part of the globe recommended that i read one of his favorite books entitled The Master and Margherita. i immediately searched for it in the net and learned that the english translation used my name. i got so intrigued thus i promised myself and my new found friend to look for the book the following day which i did. as i read the first page of the book, i was amused to learn that Bulgakov was a doctor. i hope ill be able to turn more leaves before my new found friend goes online and checked on my reading. LOL.

>>

bongga!

2010-05-17T19:43:00.002+08:00

wow sa june 3 na. im so excited.

>>

so...

2010-05-11T17:56:00.003+08:00

when i get back to manila i'll have another aquino and binay in higher office. it just saddens me how pinoys choose their leaders. the result of the count showed that most choose emotion and popularity (revilla and estrada topping the senatorial race, hello!!! estrada 2nd in the presidential race, ano yan di na natuto) over credibility and track record and so the result, we allowed good things slip through our hands.

im not for gibo but if i have a second choice for president, i'll choose him. i am just moved by one supporter who wrote:

WE MISSED THE FLIGHT
but he gave us hope

the country needs strong leaders if we wanted to uplift our status from being third world. someone who believes in the potential of filipinos and who can mobilize society. i prayed hard for Gordon to win. and if not him, gibo will do.

though both of my favorites didn't make it, i like the way they accepted their defeat. they have shown how noble and fine they are and that's what real men do.

now i pray that the new leaders will serve our country well.

>>

to my dear old friend

2010-05-07T09:47:00.005+08:00

What about now?
What about today?
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
What if it's lost behind words we could never find?
What about now?

i can't find words to say goodbye coz there's this thought lingering on my mind. i know you won't read this but i still want to post it here anyway... salamat, this song was made coz i can't find the words...

>>

the old dream still lives on

2010-05-05T22:20:00.006+08:00

last night, i was chatting with a new found friend. we were talking about the status he posted in FB.

B: i wanted to live in the province, magkaroon ng isang farm. dun nalang ako kesa dito sa manila. congested. gusto ko lang naman simpleng buhay.
Me: if you want a simple life, you have to have a lot of money. ironic but true... or else wala na mangyayari sa buhay mo kundi kakaisip kung san mo kukunin ang pera pambayad ng kung ano- ano sa buhay, like kuryente, tubig...
B: tama ka... ikaw gano ka simpleng buhay ang gusto mo?
Me: i want to become a plain housewife

that came out spontaneously. i was surprised as he was. i didnt know my old dream (as in nung nagdadalaga pa ko nito) is still there. pero as i have said, to want a simple life means you need to have money in your pocket. hindi totoong hindi kelangan ng pera pag gusto ng simpleng buhay. that's something i learned as i get older. and so, i realized, if i wanted to become a housewife, i should marry a good provider. naku mahirap ata yun. asked if i'll stop practicing, i said i wont. i still want to work because i want to help people. pero sana yung hindi na yung kumita ng pera para mabuhay yung pamilya ko. i wish my will be husband can provide for our family's needs and whatever i earn will be for my family's luxury. hay, sarap mangarap. wish ko lang someday (soon?) magkatotoo.

>>

pictures galore

2010-05-03T22:39:00.009+08:00

these were my favorites from the photos i took on the events i have attended the past weeks.

she's my new inaanak, the granddaughter of our driver who's like a part of our family. i was a sponsor/photographer of her christening. most of my shots we're ummm... haha. well i was not yet accustomed (and still!) with the buttons of my new toy. im glad there's photoshop hehe.

seated in front were our 'teachers' in the seminar. 'father,' as joy, ed and i fondly called him, gave the 'thank you speech' in our graduation day. yes, may graduation kami at with matching tugtog pa yun ng graduation march huh. father is a co- alumni of mine (and joy too) who chose to work in his province as a health officer.

these twins are probably my apo sa pinsan. cute ng get up nila. para silang mirror image haha!

>>

home at last

2010-05-02T19:43:00.007+08:00

ever since i got home, i have never get to spend the whole day at home. i did clinics monday to friday and been busy with my clan's reunion which happened yesterday. i also get to attend a seminar for three days. no, i am not complaining. in fact, i feel so blessed. aside from my work down south, i got another one near home.i would really wanted to spend my time at home reading while i am here but i realized it's a blessing in disguise having that day job in the clinic coz i am able to read more than i will ever get to do at home coz temptations at home are everywhere and simply hard to resist. LOL

i love attending seminars and conferences. maybe that's how my nostalgia for school manifests. i get to know a lot of great people and most especially i get more inspired being a physician. plus, the luxury of being in a hotel and getting to visit the metro in a way more than the ordinary is something too. LOL. this time, the community i serve down south picked me to attend the seminar in bayview hotel along roxas blvd. i stayed there for one night instead of three coz i didn't know all the attendees get to have accommodation for free. well there's nothing about the hotel to rave about. their interiors is not at par with the others along that street and food was so- so. but since it's free, i was glad to stay there and escape a grueling two hours in traffic and heat from commuting. heehee. im happy that the department of health put money on making their delegates at least comfortable and even went as far as bringing about ten handsome electronic microscopes with them for visuals. and that, they all did without any help from med reps. good job, DOH!

its also nice to know that a lot of physicians are practicing in the province and serving in government hospitals. they are also more approachable and kalog unlike the stereotype clinicians and government workers i have known haha. i guess it goes to show how satisfied and happy they are with their jobs. sabi nga sa sm supermarket, "happy to serve!" with matching clap pa yun hehe. i wish more doctors will be like them. on the side, i haven't been in robinson's place for a long while and i was amazed how huge the mall is now. we ate dinner there and i got tired walking along its long and endless hallways. geez, i wished i had a lot of moolahs with me to buy some pretty stuffs i have seen in some of the windows.

the last few days were the busiest. parang gusto kong hatiin ang katawan ko sa pag attend ng seminar at pag asikaso ng reunion. kami kase ang host this year. hindi biro mag organize ng isang reunion para sa isang malaking angkan, huh. pero masaya naman dahil maayos namin nairaos ang reunion. naging photographer din ako for a day. sa tingin ko din, nag enjoy silang lahat dahil hindi sila umalis agad at tinapos nila ang program. it's a very successful party indeed! congratulations to us, hehe.

today, it's a sunday and i am so glad to spend the whole day at home... at last! manonood sana ako ng movie kaso naisip ko, bukas na lang. holiday naman bukas e. sa ngayon, happy ako na manood lang ng tv, mag ayos ng mga anik- anik sa kwarto ko, mag internet ng one to sawa at syempre makipaglaro sa aking pamangkin. hay, sarap!

>>

buhay MO III

2010-04-18T12:03:00.003+08:00

the last ten days were one of the memorable experiences i had as a general practitioner. on most days, our emergency room were swarmed by patients from all over the island. on a non- duty day, i usually go home at 5pm but there were times you just have to stick around the hospital and help. ours is not the only hospital in the island. but people from even the farthest local which is a six hours drive away opt to be transferred to our care. they say, we have the most competent doctors. i cannot take the credit because i am only new there. that goes to all the doctors before me and those who have stayed there for years who have dedicated their time and expertise and me, being one of the newest addition to the group, have to uphold to the people's expectation. giving the optimum care is really a challenge when resources are limited to work up our patients(paging local government officials!!!).

i don't know if it was in the news about a child who picked up a grenade and brought it to his playmates. the grenade exploded and killed two children in an instant. five children were seriously injured. the parents decided to transfer them in our hospital even if it's six hours away because they believed that we can save their lives. and that, no matter how difficult, we cannot run from them or tell them we can only do so little. two of them died while they were admitted. one of them, i have attended myself when she went to cardio-respiratory arrest. i did the CPR but i wasn't not able to save her. the extent of her injury was just too much for her frail body. the explosion perforated a lot of her bowels. she went to arrest after her operation. the kid is just 11 years old. the third child her parents have lost because of the devastating incident. when i went out of the room, i didn't have the guts to tell her mother about the news. i looked into her eyes and then she knew. no words... at that point, it's like everything went to slow-mo and then time stopped. i saw her world fell apart.

the day after, someone woke me up at 3am to assist in an emergency operation. the next thing i knew, i was holding bowels in my hands. the guy we are operating on achieved multiple gunshot wounds in the abdomen. how and why it happened was a puzzle coz we are currently under a gun ban because of the forthcoming elections. he did survive.

the last was the patient i transferred to luzon island via the RO-RO ship. he was commatosed, intubated, with no one but me. the three hours of travel we endured were the longest hours of my life. his relatives who were with us prayed that he'll make it. i prayed harder. i tell the patient from time to time to hold on. the feel of his pulse is the only thing that gave me peace in that entire trip. went home at 2am so tired but happy and relieved that i went home alone. coz if my patient died on the trip, he's gonna go home with me and that didn't happen. God is so good.

losing a patient is something a doctor cannot escape from. we may be the best, we can exhaust all the resources available, but sometimes losing a life is inevitable. losing a patient is that constant reminder to us that we, healers, are not gods. life is a grace that we must be thankful for everyday. trying to save someone is like buying time. a lot of times its begging, bargaining for another moment to live... on the opposite end, saving someone's life gives the best feeling in the world.

>>

you're everything

2010-04-10T20:12:00.006+08:00

from duty today. currently doing paper works in our quarters when i realized its too quiet in here coz no one is around except me. decided to play some music. happy to come across this. i truly love buble.

my duty yesterday was really toxic. i wonder how much more toxic life as a resident is. just glad yesterday's over. ang sarap maging from duty. para kang nabigyan ng medal.

>>

yes, he was definitely hot

2010-04-03T22:55:00.006+08:00

he was tall, makinis ang kutis, and handsome. but definitely not bading (this is confeermed by the gaydar meter of my red cross team. read: very accurate!). i saw him and my eyes were glued. gosh. antagal ko na hindi nagka- crush ah. ngayon lang ulit...

we were together in one tent for a day. he did cars while i do my check ups. he's superbly cute.

sorry for the picture. its the best one i got.

>>

oh i forgot

2010-04-03T22:51:00.004+08:00

my friend, jonathan, went home last week to attend the 60th birthday party of his dad. his coming home is actually his gift. everybody was surprised to see him. well, except us because we knew his little secret.

HP: totoo ba ang chismis that soon, you will be staying here for good?
jonas: oo. pero pupunta muna ako ng rome bago ako umuwi.

susyal.

>>

busy holy week

2010-04-03T20:48:00.009+08:00

this holy week is the busiest.

holy thursday, i was with these people

for this

our station was located right beside this

and since we were in pampanga, we get to see this from time to time

i left at 6pm to go to pangasinan with my bro and co. to attend the wake of his gf's lola. we left there almost midnight and received a shocking news. my nephew died the day before. cause of death: strangulation secondary to severe depression. please, sana wala ng sumunod.

good friday, we did the traditional 'libing' in our parish. i helped in dressing our image of maria cleofe, the bearer of holy water and incense used in the burial of our Lord.

today, black saturday, is the burial of my nephew. it was held in loyola memorial this morning

tomorrow, we'll do the 'salubong' in the early morn. i wish i'll have time to write the side stories before i leave again.

>>

HP currently reads

2010-03-25T21:02:00.009+08:00

when i was in the island down south of luzon, i was quite intrigued when i saw my new friend reading the latest novel of Paulo Coelho, The Winner Stands Alone that when i got back here, i decided to drop by Powerbooks to buy myself one. the kind saleslady had such an enthusiasm to give me a preview of each book the same author wrote. it's not hard to tell she's a fan. upon her suggestion, i bought this book, By the River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept. i was amused by the way he wrote it. the approach was quite poetic which i believe was appropriate for the subject of the novel which is love. there are a lot of lines that caught me and were my favorites that i would love to share here when i finished reading the book. i think i'm going to get hooked up with coelho. hehe.

i also wanted to mark this date because it's the birth of my new baby. im excited to know every button and every feature he has. he will be the extension of my eyes and my hands. im also excited to take him to places. the adventure will surely be more enjoyable with him around. thanks, lx3, for coming into my life even if you made me broke (arrrrgggghhhh). now i can sing the line 'im broke but im happy...' with justice. hehe.

earlier, the intensity 4ish quake shook the metro. i was in UCC then looking at the menu when it happened. i thought it was just my altered level of consciousness due to lack of sleep (blame that to gray's anatomy series) but after seeing the worried face of the girl on the next table and the commotion of the waiters, i realized what was happening. thank God the quake was not that strong and thank God i wasn't down south because i learned from the news the intensity there was 6.2. i guess i have to sleep now. can't anymore bear to keep my eyes open.

>>

here again

2010-03-24T18:34:00.008+08:00

yep, im still alive and kickin' and i haven't abandoned blogging into oblivion. happiness it is to be able to travel alone even if it's just an island away. i guess it's the thrill of going to a place for the first time without knowing even a single soul there. being vulnerable can be good sometimes. i was able to make friends with a lot of people and have seen a lot of places. my trip down south was also one of the most memorable because i have done a lot of firsts. they were quite simple though like riding in a motor bike for the first time but were definitely fun indeed.

the work was quite a challenge. landing on a medical officer 3 job after the 4 months of sedentary and catatonic life was hard at first. i had to refresh my knowledge and skills to the hospital work. to tell you honestly, i had mixed emotions during my first few days. there was excitement, feeling of inadequacy, fear, and loads of stress. i thought i won't be able to finish the ten days but as they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and i did feel stronger after wards. and i guess, i was able to appreciate my profession more. it's the feeling of being needed and making a person well that were the most rewarding and no amount of money can replace.

life there was simple yet i was able to enjoy my stay there. there were no malls and not even the famous jollibee was in sight. the people were warm and very accommodating. i remember, my fellow physician and i were invited to a birthday party where we had disco with senior citizens. i got quite drunk because i was not able to resist when they handed me a half glass of fundador brandy and a tall glass of mixed drink made of iced tea and grand matador. we danced our heart out with their favorite ballroom songs and some new ones. they were all 'game' not minding the signs of aging though i guess we all woke up with painful joints and back. i was also able to taste the creamiest home made ice cream my taste buds have known that even a haagen dazs can't beat. i wish i can bring home some as a pasalubong for mom and dad. they will surely love it as much as i did.

next month, i have to be back there again, and i will surely take pictures to show you all the beauty of the place.

>>

before i leave

2010-03-05T13:14:00.008+08:00

... i would like to share my new shoe purchase and some of the pictures i took last week.

got this from megamall's shoes and bags super sale last month. this wedges from keds is super comfortable. i bought it for less than a thousand bucks. i also bought a crocs for less than a thousand bucks.

medical mission in malolos. we went to a small community in the midst of barren land and rice fields. we almost got lost going there.

after the med mission, i decided to visit one of my favorite places in q.c., the C&E bookstore. their lavatory looks lovely.

my last picture before i became jobless. no doubt that the anthuriums were real.

>>

cool change

2010-03-03T23:41:00.009+08:00

i didn't realize how hot the weather has become until i finally left the house and visited my old neighborhood in the city. malamig pa rin naman dito sa min. nakakatulog pa din ako na hindi kailangan kahit electric fan. pero sa city, hay naku ang init! and this rotating brownout really sucks big time. kamusta naman talaga. dati pag walang koryente at mainit, yung mga tao pumupunta sa mall para magpalamig pero ngayon kahit sa mall mainit na rin. considering na nasa isa sa mga ayala malls ako kanina huh. hindi kinaya ng generator nila ang mga pangyayari. ayun, 9pm pa lang nagsasara na lahat ng boutiques at kainan. eh usually may bukas pa till 10pm di ba? feel ko pa naman sana manood kanina ng sine pero wag nalang. baka pati sa sinehan mawalan ng power eh hindi ko makakayanan andun sa loob ng ganun kadilim. iaasa ko nalang yan sa dibidi. parang naging isang greenhouse nalang ang trinoma kanina at factory ng carbon dioxide. hirap huminga. para kang mauubusan ng hangin sa loob katulad ng naranasan ng namatay na mga isda sa dalampasigan ng laguna de bay.

ibang klase talaga ang taon na to. di pa tapos ang first quarter pero andami na nangyari. para akong may scolio na pilit itinutuwid and likod. ouch! on the first day of this month came the realization of how much i miss doing the consultation thing; seeing patients again, listening to their problems, and making them well. thanks to ate madel who dragged me to a medical mission somewhere in malolos. it was more like an omen though coz i lost my so called job when i got home.

kamustasa talaga. im the girl who almost lost everything. I --- lost friends, lost job, lost my only source of income for four months. hay buhay. pero kahit pa, i never questioned God. i didn't ask if this was His way of showing His love for me. i have faith that everything has it's purpose and are always for the better. it wasn't a question of love. it's a matter of faith. i remember when i had to leave my job(s) because of my condition, i thought i would go back to my old parasite self asking mom for my needs and wants but then i was able to find another job that suits my restrictions. when my life was in the trough, He didn't leave me empty handed. so Now, maybe, this is His way of telling me that those days were over. now i must go and claim my life back.

lo and behold, after three days, meron na kong nahanap na bagong raket. eto lang ang masarap sa pagmomoonlight. pag ayaw mo na, e di iwan mo. madaling umayaw, at madali ding humanap ng iba. para ka lang nagpapalit ng panty. hehe. but, at isang malaking BUT yun, quality ones are so hard to find. sana lang enjoy tong nahanap ko kase mejo matagal din akong mawawala.

so a few days from now, ill be leaving this hot and humid place with it's rotating brownouts. ill be in that small island somewhere in the south, alone, to do what i missed doing and enjoy the rush of the ocean.

>>

current status removed

2010-02-27T16:23:00.003+08:00

sh@t! i thought i would not be able to remove that post. whew. i think i better stop doing fb. you know when you have all these emotions going on and your hands landed on a keyboard you find yourself exposing to the whole world how you feel and yes, afterward regretting that you did it big time. im no krissy A. and i have learned to keep things low key. but hey, i still need this blog to vent a little sometimes. well at least this is not like fb where everyone knows whose wall this belongs. i wish life also have that remove button. you don't want your current status? that's easy. click remove and then type another one.

when things get awry, it calls for a bonding time with friends. hang out with them and talk nonstop until you get it all out of your system then come home relieved. well that is exactly the problem now. when i was working my ass in the hospital as a junior and senior intern, i was craving for time to spend with friends and maybe a special someone. now that i have all these time, i can't even find someone to spend it with. where were they? true friends are hard to find and hard to keep. i lost one last year and two this year. those were the closest ones.

a couple of nights ago, i talked to a friend who is living miles away. we fondly call each other buddies. maybe, she sensed how i was feeling that's why she called me. the conversation was nice and long and personal. i miss it. i miss that kind of conversation that you know someone is truly listening to you, empathizing to whatever issue you have. in the end, she told me something that is maybe a little bit painful to accept but that's what true friends are. Friends are those who are not afraid to tell you bitter things not to crush your spirit but to help you to become a better person. deep inside, you know that those bitter things were always the truth.

her words were:

"ikaw kase bud, kahit dati pa, ang hilig-hilig mong pumasok sa mga komplikadong bagay..."

- to which i strongly disagreed and told her all i wanted was the opposite. but looking back, bud was right. what all those persons have in common was me. whatever role i played in their lives was something that i allowed or chose to be. i wanted something else but i did otherwise. i can't blame that to some twist of fate.

she also added,

"...go out there. meet strangers. do whatever you want to do. don't let it hold you back."

i was afraid. now i know i shouldn't be. maybe it will take a lot of getting used to. but i won't hold myself back. not now. not this time.

>>

star strucked

2010-02-24T21:10:00.014+08:00

had I known we had reserved seats, i could have spent more time outside taking pictures until my battery dies out. but it's ok. he's the only reason why i attended that exhausting premiere night. i just wanted to see him in person.

gwapo nya. oh em ghee.

i hate it that they didn't allow cameras inside the cinema. peeps from OMB were there. haler, as if naman may magtatangkang mag film nung movie in a premiere night di ba? talk about pakitang tao.. or pakitang camera? LOL so i took these photos using the camera phone of my sister. and since it's dark in there, the photos were not that good.

this was taken outside using my sister's ever reliable digicam.

we weren't just given free tickets but 'highly' reserved seats as well. there were marshalls who guarded and made sure no one touches our precious seats. LOL. thanks once again ms. cecile. you are truly a royalty. i felt so blessed to be seated there.

i got a snap shot of ms. cecile's shoes while she was on the red carpet talking to her fans. i got so hiya so i didn't approach her. but then it seems our paths always crossed. i saw her again in starbuko after the premiere night together with Ms. Pia M. (the wifey of Francis M.) and her friends.

JLC is one of the few young actors i have seen who doesn't need a dialogue nor to cry in order to deliver and to give justice to his role. that's why i love JLC. and he's so gwapo too. when he looks at you, para kang matutunaw. *kilig*

>>

screaming my heart out

2010-02-22T22:44:00.004+08:00

my birthday gift made it in time. i am going to see JLC tomorrow face to face.

i love JLC!

thank you, chuvaness!

>>

confirmed

2010-02-18T12:07:00.012+08:00

we were hoping the news wasn't true but all those i have texted confirmed it. she died yesterday. cause of death: strangulation. for whatever reason, i don't know. i don't think anybody knows.

have you ever thought of taking your own life? the only time i remember i wished im dead was when i was cleaning the intestines of my dead rotting cat pudai, a specimen i had when i was still a bio student. i wanted to throw her away because i can't stop the decomposition from happening anymore. maggots were everywhere. gross. but i can't. i'm going to fail my anatomy class if i did so i just wished some mad man just come running out of nowhere and shot me in the head and it will all be over. babaw no? effect ata ng formalin yun. hehe.

seriously, i wish i knew her more. i wish at least she got a chance to talk to someone and felt loved, secured, and learn there's someone she can trust. for weeks now, i have been wishing to have a girl friend (oi not in a romantic way ha). someone i can chat all day about anything without having to think about solutions. someone who can bum around with me, perhaps we can go to some isolated beach and bask in the sun in our skimpy bikinis (yes, i have the guts). i only have a few girl friends and all of them are taken already. they have more responsibilities now and a regular date they can't just ignore. though i know my boys will always be there for me but it's still different to be with the girls. i can be kikay and all; wear make up, a fancy dress, and high heels without worrying that i will get teased and laughed at (my boys can be so unforgiving). but i still love my boys despite the fact that when im with them, i have to blend. nagmumukha na tuloy akong tomboy minsan.

i have added to my birthday wish list to have an unattached, carefree, girl friend who can stand my trippings in life (haha). it's just kind of sad that someone i have come across with committed suicide. we went to the same med school and same internship program. im just thinking, maybe i could be her friend. i could have been the one to be there for her, share my bedroom perhaps if she doesn't want to spend the night alone. and maybe, she wouldn't have thought of killing herself. hay. kalungkot.

if there's someone out there who meets the criteria above, or at least anyone who needs somebody, im just here. im alone too. we can hang out together and be happy.

>>

i hate you, barang!

2010-02-17T23:09:00.007+08:00

i just saw the title in one of the sites i have visited a couple of days ago. i can't remember for what it was. i thought it was a song so i first looked it up in you tube. but i was just surprised to find out it's a barbra movie- directed, produced and starred by no other than herself. but because i was already intrigued, i downloaded it. now i feel sorry having watched it. it feels like i just buried myself much deeper. i was grinning on the first part of the movie and then i found myself crying even before it reached half. damn this movie. i hate the scriptwriter too. barbra's lines were good especially the dialogue she delivered when she was teaching in class and when she broke up with her husband.

i hate crying before going to bed. i hate you barang! i hate you!!!

"i believe in love and lust and sex and romance. i don't want everything to add up to some prefect equation. i want mess and chaos. i want someone to go crazy out of his mind for me. i want to feel passion and heat and sweat and madness. i want valentines and cupid and all the rest of that crap. i want it all."

- barbra

buzzing news

2010-02-17T14:14:00.004+08:00

i was shocked when a friend texted me a while ago asking if i knew that someone died and if she committed suicide. someone heard it in the radio daw. i am really shocked. i don't recall the name that she gave me but according to her, she's a batch lower than mine and that she went to the same internship program that i did. she just passed the boards last aug. i am so puzzled. what happened to her? i hope it's not true.

>>

today, i came across this:

2010-02-17T13:49:00.003+08:00

To love is to be vulnerable. Love is the opening of the heart, the welcoming of your beloved. Loving is not secure, authentic loving is risky. Security lies behind the walls of a closed heart. You either invite the union by opening in love, or you secure the isolation by closing down.

ayaw talaga akong tantanan... haaayyyzzz

>>

heaven and chocolate

2010-02-16T20:18:00.008+08:00

does your chocolate cake have four kinds of chocolate?

ate and i thought it's too sweet but it is not. good deal for it's price. i heart the brownie layer.
sorry, the picture aint good coz i just took it with my laptop. laazzyy pwincess heehee.

chocolate heaven from red ribbon is a combination of four kinds of chocolate goodness in every mouthful - chocolate brownie, mousse, ganache and curls.

my two year old nephew loves the curls.

ash Wednesday is tomorrow. don't forget to go to mass and have your forehead ashed.

>>

eeeww

2010-02-14T19:22:00.004+08:00

getting through this day is hard. good thing there's only few hours left and it's over. my gawd. this is so not true. what is happening? yaiks.

hayayay i wish i have you (whoever you are) now when i have all these time to spend with you. but as my good friend said, all things come to those who wait and have faith.

i saw JLC and bea's new movie on tv. i really wanna watch.mom told me she wanna come. so it's gonna be a mom-daughter date. well THAT definitely is not an 'ew'.

>>

when you find it don't let go...

2010-02-13T20:28:00.006+08:00

happy valentines, everyone. i wish you all more love throughout the year.

i wish i have a voice like hers. so powerful and timeless.

>>

mga mensahe

2010-02-13T20:16:00.006+08:00

something i got from peysbuk app today:
when you are feeling anxious, remember to breathe. Allow yourself to breathe in and out slowly. Allow your breath to bring you to a place of calmness. Allow yourself to be calm like the eye in the center of the storm.

Take time to just be, to breath slowly, to feel your body that is the temple of your soul. No activities, no worries, no buzzing.

to all the girls out there:

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior. -yeah, they should do that for themselves

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently? -init lang ng katawan hanap nyan noh. badtrip lang hindi pa mag- ingat. nag- iiwan pa ng 'remembrance' hahahaha.

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up. -and get into trouble when you are branded as a nagger. duh! hindi naman dahil hindi maganda ang sinabi nagna- nag na.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. -told yah

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street. -two thumbs up

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about baggage.
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship. -deal daw at wag kalimutan na lang

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you. A relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals. Look for someone complimentary, not supplementary. -two whole become one

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes. When a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house. -or your mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

>>

did you know...

2010-02-11T23:43:00.006+08:00

Dr. Romulo Virola, secretary-general of the National Statistical Coordination Board (NSCB), said that in the year 2000, less than half of the country's population (45.7%) were married. Back in the 80s, he said 50.6% of Filipinos have exchanged "I do's."

In 2008, only 50.7% of women aged 15 to 49 were married, down from 54.4% in 1993.

"Has love become more expensive, or is it because Pinoy men of earlier generations had stronger appeal than this Piolo Pascual or Gerald Anderson?" Virola said in his column at the NSCB website.

"Whatever, for those who are looking to tie yourselves with a knot, you know your prospects have gone higher, provided of course, that you are willing to marry anyone who is unmarried," he added.

Separation, live-in relationships

On the other hand, the number of Filipinos who have ended their marriage has increased.

In the year 2000, one out of every 100 Filipinos was separated from his or her partner.

In 2008, about 3 out of every 100 Filipino women aged 15 to 49 were separated from their partners, higher than 2 per hundred in 1993.

"Does this point to the gradual disintegration of the Pinoy family as an institution? To think that family life is the most important source of happiness for many Pinoys. How sad," Virola lamented.

Aside from separations, Virola also noted a rise in common-law relationships through the years.

In 2008, 11 out of 100 Filipino women aged 15 to 49 years old were living in with their partners from only 5 out of 100 back in 1993.

"Sign of the times? But don't you think the old-fashioned pamamanhikan or kasalan sounds romantic?" Virola said.

First marriage, birth

From 1993 to 2008, more Filipino women have decided to marry later as their median age at first marriage has gone up by a year.

Virola said most urban women got married at age 23 (from 22), while majority of those situated in the rural areas tied the knot at 21 years old (from 20).

Likewise, the median age at first birth has gone slightly up. Most urban women gave birth at 24 years old in 2008 (from 23), while rural women had their first child at 22 years old (from 21).

"But this is still very young by Commission of Population standards, I am sure. On the average, women in the rural areas marry at least one year earlier than women in urban areas," he said.
-LOVE BY NUMBERS, fast facts about Filipino relationships. whole article here.

afraid...

wish ko lang

2010-02-11T22:48:00.015+08:00

hay. i wish to be loved like this. haha. ambisyosa.

but maybe it has more impact if he's gonna do more than that, di ba? i mean, if you love someone, mag-iintay ka nalang ba? life is short. time is wasted. haha. ambisyosa talaga.
naku wala akong pinapatamaan. shucks. i just happen to like this song.

>>

bagong taon part 2 sa araw ng pag- ibig

2010-02-11T17:05:00.020+08:00

few more days before the chinese new year. i still have time to reread my resolutions and add some other things that i wanted to accomplish for this year. woohoo. buti nalang may chinese new year. meron pa akong chance for adjustments. hehe. call it madaya. i don't care. i feel lucky having another new year celebration in february especially when my january didn't turn out so well. i literally felt a dagger in my chest while attending mass on january 1st, much like to an angina pectoris. don't worry. it's not health related and it's already a case solved.

is it also perfect timing that the new year will be celebrated on heart's day? hmmm that reminds me, this is the third year i am going to celebrate heart's day in my fabulous single blessedness state. well, i really don't mind coz the first year after my ex and i split up, i spent valentines with my boys. they gave me a surprise dinner date with them and got a bouquet of roses pa. hay. im really lucky to have friends like them. on the second year i spent the whole day studying for the boards but still was lucky to receive a rose from one of my guy pals. this year, i am not expecting anything. spending it this time with my family is enough for me. hindi naman exclusive for lovers ang balentayms.

love. pano na nga ba ang umibig? oi ang gandang title in fernez. i believe we all have a lesson or two learned about love. we also had our share of heartaches and joy in loving. at this age, lahat naman siguro tayo naranasan ng madapa at natuto na ding bumangon. naalala ko noong naghiwalay kami ng ex ko, nag-wish ako na sana yung susunod ko namang love story yung parang feel good movie naman. awat na ang heavy drama. sana yung mas maraming kilig moments at syempre, sana this time, yung may happy ending na. sa kabila ng lahat ng hindi magandang nangyari, naniniwala pa rin ako sa 'and they live happily ever after'. naniniwala pa din ako na meron talagang 'wagas na pag-ibig.'

minsan, naisipan kong balikan yung mga paborito kong feel good movies katulad nung mga movies ni JLC at sarah, JLC and bea. tapos, binalikan ko din yung mga heavy drama nina sharon-gabi at aga-lea. napansin ko lang, hindi naman nagkakalayo ang mga conflict sa istorya nila. hindi naman masyadong mababaw yung problema sa feel good movie at hindi rin naman kalaliman yung problema sa mga heavy drama. mas matitindi lang talaga ang mga dialogues sa heavy drama at syempre, sa feel good movie, nakasisigurado ka na may happy ending. naisip ko tuloy, siguro ganun lang din sa totoong buhay. pwede nating gawing heavy drama or feel good movie ang takbo ng istorya. pwede nating palakihin o paliitin ang isang isyu. sana pwede rin pumili ng happy ending.

at this age, ano na ba ang natutunan ko about relationship? sa tingin ko hindi naman masyadong marami kung ikukumpara sa mga kaibigan ko. isa pa, i always felt that i was outgrown by my friends. isa ako sa mga kakaunting natitira na single pa rin hanggang ngayon. pero ganun naman talaga pag nasa ganito kang propesyon. parang kang late bloomer. hindi ko pa naranasan na iisang tao lang ang nakikita ko bago ako matulog at pag- gising ko sa umaga. hindi ko din alam kung ano ang pakiramdam maghintay sa gabi na umuwi yung taong mahal mo. hanggang ngayon, naririnig ko lang sila. lahat ng alam ko, base lang sa kwento ng ibang tao tungkol sa mga problema nila sa relasyon at pagpapamilya.

noong bata pa ako, akala ko pag nakita mo na yung taong mamahalin mo at minahal ka din nya, yun na yung end ng story. tapos nung nakipagrelasyon na ako, na-realize ko na hindi pala ganun. para palang makina ang isang relasyon. laging kelangan langisan at i- tune up para tumagal. na- realize ko din na hindi lang pala basta masaya ako, okey na. hindi lang pala tungkol sa kin ang isang relasyon. kelangan din pala ng sakripisyo para sa minamahal mo. a relationship is a compromise and always a work in progress. and just like other things in life, you can't ask for fruits you didn't sow.

sa love, meron akong konting important lessons na natutunan. one is never say never. nakaranas ka na ba ng sitwasyon na parang paulit ulit na nangyayari sa buhay mo? yun parang pakiramdam mo, ayaw kang tantanan? ako may isa. nung una parang nakakainis isipin. sarap mag reklamo ng bakit palagi nalang ako. umiwas nung pangalawang beses, thinking, natuto na kase ako kaya 'never again!'. but then i realized, hindi naman pagkatuto ang pag- iwas. and not because i allowed it to happen again means that i didn't learn. baka naman kaya nauulit para mabigyan ako ng chance na baguhin ko naman yung takbo ng istorya. yung gawin ko naman yung hindi ko nagawa noon para maimprove yung outcome.

siguro more than hoping to be found, we must learn to keep our hearts open to the possibility. we all wish for forever but we don't even want to take that step of putting our hearts on the line. i don't know if it is better to live a life alone, assured that nobody can hurt you than to take the risk of loving and feel being loved in return. i didn't wish to be alone my entire life. i still have that faith that i won't be left empty handed. again and again, i will put my heart on the line. yes, it might hurt but at least i have that chance to love and be loved and belong to a relationship that may last for a lifetime.

>>

my call

2010-02-05T12:53:00.007+08:00

this you may not understand. i won't elaborate much further. everything will be revealed in time. i just want to show you what faith does and that someone up there is listening to our prayers.

it's pink vs white. weeks ago i asked for it and decided to forget about it after i have seen both in tagaytay.

at first i thought i also saw white but when i looked closer they're either light green flower balls (don't know what they're called) or the softest pink rose i have ever seen.

coincidence?

maybe. but my faith overwhelms to regard it as one.

see more of the pictures i took which includes a lot of images of mary

in a marian exhibit in bulacan. click here.

frustrations of a photographist (anoh daw???)

2010-02-04T12:22:00.021+08:00

hi there. it's been a while since my last maayos post (seriously maayos to kahit ganyan ang title haha). i have been busy with post processing and posting pictures from our calatagan adventure last weekend. i was so happy that my first ever photo in panoramic view got a good review and won me a free accommodation on my next visit to calatagan. (heehee so happy. thanks sir willie!!!). i was also happy that some of my shots fared well with those from my other companions who were dslr users. but i still have a few frustrations not owning a better camera. let me show you why...

exhibit 1:

this is another panoramic view taken at the lighthouse. i could have took more sky if i were using a wide angle lens here.

exhibit 2:

again, the beautiful sky is lacking in this picture.

exhibit 3:

can you see the little green ones that look like miniature pine trees behind the coral? they look nice, no? my camera cant capture those without the blur.

exhibit 4:

honestly, i like the way the sunset was captured here. in some of the pictures i saw, they were focused more on the sun's spherical figure. im more interested on its rays. but i still do believe that i could have captured more if i can adjust the shutter speed and aperture of my gadget. what do you think?

so is it time to have one like this?

nah, don't think so. besides, i still believe im not yet into that level plus i love candid shots. i can't do that with a huge camera. maybe a micro four thirds or an lx3 will do for me now. later nalang siguro ang dslr when im older or maybe when i feel the need for it (and have the mooolah to buy hehe).

(photo by Neil)

that's my sister's P&S that i borrowed for the trip. hindi ako nahiyang ilabas yan kahit lahat sila naka dslr haha. well sabi nga sa peyspuk, hindi lahat ng naka- dslr ay photographer at katulad din ng laging sinasabi ng aking friendship na artist, wala yan sa camera. =) PEACE.

see more of the photos i took in my flickr and feel free to give comments and suggestions so i can improve on my shots next time.

My answer part 2:

wag nyo nalang pansinin ang 1st part ng post ko. maganda lang kase ang kanta. honestly, hinahanap na din ng katawan ko ang pagod, puyat, at sakit ng ulo at katawan ng buhay ospital not to mention dealing with the biatches, the kiss-ass, and the gods (note: hindi ako masokista). i just feel that it's high time to get out of my comfort zone, test my limits and prove again what i am made of. at isa pa, gusto ko na din umalis dito sa bahay. it's not because i don't like being with my family. it's just that i want to live on my own. gumawa ng mga sarili kong diskarte sa buhay. mga ganung bagay.

>>

my answer

2010-02-03T22:15:00.006+08:00

i believe there's nothing wrong with taking a break nor to stop for a while to smell the flowers. especially when life has been like riding a speed bus.

so para sa mga nagtatanong kung bakit wala pa din akong ginagawa sa buhay ko, eto po ang sagot.

akala nyo lang wala. pero meron, meron, meron!

tamang tama ang pagpunta ko sa calatagan last weekend. i was there once again breathing fresh air and then they all drifted away. i was free once more.

>>

heto na naman..

2010-01-29T20:33:00.005+08:00

mid career crisis to the highest level na naman ito. naguguluhan na naman ako. hay naku. ano ba talaga??? ay- em or peedia? dito or sa labas? alin alin alin ang naiba?

peedia vs ay-em

peedia: lahat nalang sila go peedia. sabi pa ng isa kong ka- berks 'i think you will do well with kids'
trulilee??

ay- em: sa lahat ng med books ko, eto ang pinakamarami. ibig kayang sabihin nito may sekretong pagtingin (parang crush lang) ako sa ay-em dati pa kaya gusto ko bumili ng kung anu- anong book ng ay-em at hindi ko lang sya napapansin?

hmmmmmm..... at isa pang hmmmmmm...

>>

have you seen the new mac?

2010-01-28T15:43:00.017+08:00

when i first got a mac laptop not so long ago, i was like introduced into a new lifestyle and it's an addictive one. mac offers a new way of life and a better one. in mac world, it's virus free, battery life is longer, and it's more user friendly (o-oh hope i wont get a raised eyebrow for that. but it truly is more user friendly to me having used microsoft for so long and had it crash over and over on me while im in the middle of a deadline and an upcoming report. hayrettt!). plus the white exterior looks chic. that comes from someone who adores the absence of hues (aside from pink).

now, they have officially launched a new tablet, the iPad. it's adorable and it's not that pricey considering it is a mac (price starts at 499USD). i dont know if i will buy one (but if someone's gonna give me one for free i would gladly accept it heehee). i think i will wait until i have seen the reviews when it comes out in april. but just this instant, i have my comments/questions regarding this new gadget.

1. my essentials:

bluetooth? check
usb and card reader? check (is that via dock connector?)
battery life? 10h --check
dvd/cd player? nun hmmmmm.....
web cam? nun hmmmmmm.....
light weight? check (1.5lbs wifi, 1.6lbs wifi+3g model)

2. i dont know if the touch screen is long nails- friendly. is it scratch proof? well i don't grow my nails long because i'm afraid to scratch frail bodies accidentally with it. but i would just like to know that so ill know who i won't let to borrow it hehe (just in case im going to have one).

3. i so heart the iBook app. i can imagine reading my multi-volume books with this thing so light. plus, it lets me carry a whole library with me without breaking my back and damaging my bag (dies). i can carry a chic bag at any coffee shop or around the hosp and still have all the books within my reach. i can also read while listening to itunes or while searching for a journal in the net. a lot of possibilities there. also, it looks eye- friendly coz it's bigger than the ipod touch hence it can display bigger fonts.

hmmm... now have to make magic so i can have moolah to buy this. ugh. that reminds me im still saving up for a micro four thirds. hayay. i so wish im rich.

hello, iPad!

photo from CNET reviews

watch it on mac store.

>>

horo is cope for da day

2010-01-23T16:05:00.007+08:00

You may be going through a period, Pisces, where you wonder if you will ever really find The One, and this is causing some intense reflection for you. This is a good thing as it seems that some honest conversation with yourself is exactly what you need right now. You have tried many different means of meeting your emotional and romantic needs, but nothing of late really seems to fit that well for you, does it? It could be that you are not paying enough attention to the messages the universe has been sending you. Once again you have been avoiding a serious romantic possibility, and allowed your head to dominate your heart in this case. This is a time where it is time to throw logic out the window and just go where your heart leads, it is not too late, despite any signs that you may feel otherwise.

bakit ganun ang mga horo is cope, kung minsan tumatama? hindi ako believer pero minsan, just for fun, binabasa ko din yung akin. napakadali pa naman nito gawin sa FB. 1 click lang at mababasa mo na.

ikaw, ano yung sayo? tumama din ba?

>>

life is...

2010-01-22T13:56:00.009+08:00

like a box of chocolates, they say. pero kung ganito naman ang chocolates, pwedeng pwede na.

i am a self confessed addict of ferrero, specially the rocher and rondnoir.

ferrero is actually an italian confectionary. their products were first sold in italy and other european countries in the 40's and later spread to other parts of the globe. the company is also the maker of tictac, nutella, and kinder (i love kinder!).

rocher is el más famoso among the ferrero collection. the rich chocolate coated hazelnut has enchanted tongues of many including this princess. but if i were to choose among the three-rocher, rondnoir, and garden, ill pick rondnoir as my best love.

rondnoir is a 'pearl' of dark chocolate, surrounded by a dark chocolate cream, encased in a croquante and encrusted with dark chocolate chips. and because i love dark chocolate, this is the one for me. i wish they will sell rondnoir here separately just like rocher.

haaay. sira na naman ang diet.

reunited

2010-01-18T23:06:00.006+08:00

something good happened today. my long "battle" with Ishtar has finally came to an end.

Sya ang salarin sa eye bags ko dati. hindi ko sya jowa but she is more than a friend because she is like a sister to me.

to love or to hate. to befriend or to let go. to fight or to forgive. to learn or to regret. to bridge the gap or to break ties. to move forward or to look back. life has so many choices. so many possibilities. so many things to consider. as we get older, the simple things aren't that simple anymore... or so it seems. but then again, it all boils down to choices. at the end of the day, it's the choices that we make that matters. because those that we choose can change our lives forever.

>>

TGI Friday and Saturday

2010-01-17T11:30:00.015+08:00

all burned out from the passing week, two of my boy buds, N and R, and I decided to meet Friday night and have dinner in the mall. it was already 8pm when N and I met in the northern end of QC. we were really running late but i was glad we made it to shang before 9pm. N is able to drive that fast in the city already. hehe. R was not able to make it to the dinner though. he was still at work until 9.30pm, attention Selecta!!! its that late awready!? N and I ate at pepper lunch and decided to join the HP contest just for fun. I loved the photo he took of me. sad that i don't think we'll win because the picture was printed out in sepia coz the printer is already running out of ink. kamusta naman yun. but it's okay. after all, we were there to eat and have a good time. and having choco lava cake and ice cream is a bliss already. we met R after and decided to have a midnight snack (for us but dinner for R) in a lugawan sa kanto. sarap ng lugaw na yun. hehe.

its always fun going out with my boy buds. we talk anything under the sun, laugh our hearts out at anything funny or not, hang out even in simple places and still have fun. they also give the best advice in the world although you got to be strong to take them coz they will just say it flat. no sugar coating. no pasakalye. i guess that is the ultimate proof of my being one of the boys. i can take their advices in a constructive way and not get hurt even if they are displeasing to the ear.

the three of us. it was the second time i wore my yellow pointed flats.

saturday, i went to rizal with mom and aunt to attend a surprise birthday party for my cousin. she turned 57 this year. yup, my cuz is that old already (but for the record, she's not the oldest among all my cuz). it was held in a small farm-resort. i decided to stay in the mango trees and lie in a hammock while they were having fun inside singing their hearts out in the videoke. i was also able to meet my pamangin sa pinsan, C who is going to apply for fellowship (yup he is definitely older than me) this year in the same hospital that i wanted to get in. he did a good job explaining to mom the highs and lows of being a doc. thanks, C.

me reading while lying in a hammock and enjoying the fresh air. lahvet!

we left at 5pm to attend another birthday party, this time in the upscale wack wack village. Ninang E's mother in law celebrated her 85th birthday. we were in awe when we arrived in their 6000 sq.m land which have, apart from their mansion home, its own veranda enclosed in glass (and fully airconditioned) which can hold as many as 10 big tables for 50 guests. we were told it's going to be a simple dinner with family and close friends but there we were, eating dinner with an orchestra playing at the background (which I later learned were Bernie Pasamba's group. His string ensemble were former members of the Manila Chamber Orchestra).

mother, as she is fondly called, has a rag to riches life story. she was a former basurera pushing her kariton in the streets of Clark with her children. her first business venture was buying ukay- ukay clothes per kilo and reselling them. then she moved into buying surplus home appliances from the port to sell them in manila. from there, they were able to buy land in our province and in the later years developed it to a subdivision (Pleasant Hills). mother has always been business minded and never afraid of doing business ventures. mom told me that mother remained to be simple despite her riches. she recalls, they always see each other in our town's palengke and buy recados together. she's still fond of going to divisoria and eat in the local carinderia. they also have this running joke in the family that they say went from plaka to casette tape, to cd to dvd- they always answer "walang pera" when asked by people. haha. ang kuripot pala ni mother.

ninang E is the one in red. she has 8 children who are all grown up and she has apos already. but she's still pretty and sexy, di ba? i wish i will be like her in my older years.

2k and counting

2010-01-15T13:04:00.009+08:00

yay! my stats reached 2000 today. aw how i wish im rich to give away a prize for the lucky 2000th viewer. but hey, thank you all for visiting my chamber once in a while ha. reactions, comments, advices are very much welcome here.

it's been six years of blogging already. as i recall i made this blog for the wrong reason, i just wanted an outlet to vent out my anger to my past relasyon and join the hype of having an online diary. but this chamber (as i fondly call it now) has evolved over the years. and it will stay as long as i have the time and energy to go online and write my story.

thanks once again. aylahvet!

>>

mom's bathroom

2010-01-14T23:02:00.013+08:00

yup. renovation is done. finally, pagkalipas ng maalikabok na mga linggo, heto na ang resulta.

the bathroom is smaller than the one we used to have before but for me it fits just right for the job. toilet and sink we got on sale.

shower room divider is a brown fiberglass with bamboo design.

bathroom door has an artsy plant design. those tile pattern gives one a feeling of bathing in sunshine. can you see my camera? yup, im not a dslr user. just a small point and shoot for this princess. and i hate the noise i had in my photos arrgghh.

this used to be the old bathroom now converted into an adjacent room which houses this full length mirror, the old lavatory and a cabinet for the towels and bathroom supplies. the door to the bathroom can be seen through the mirror. the tiles for the floor look like bricks which added to the 'outdoor feel'.

this lavatory is the only one that's left from the old bathroom and the marmol wall too. the wall reminds me of our native 'batalan.'

backdrop aint wood but art. the white wall was painted by our neighbor and gave it a 'woody effect'. these three vases i bought from sm department store in megamall for less than 500Php.

... while this tiny oil defuser cost me more. sigh.

see more pictures of our new bathroom in my flickr.

>>

another northern star?

2010-01-12T18:43:00.005+08:00

pahabol ito sa araw ng three kings.

i can't recall if i have heard this song already but it really touched my heart hearing it now...

>>

thanks for the eyebags part II

2010-01-06T08:58:00.023+08:00

last night was another night of heartache (and puyat!!!) for me but minus the tears and sky rocketing anger. after a long sigh (now sighs are becoming therapeutic) i have realized that even in my anger, a powerful hand was there that guided me that i was able to do what i have to do (or it should have been what i had to say). thanks, bro. it is true that the only people who can hurt us are the ones we love. and sometimes, we are just as guilty, hurting them knowingly or unknowingly.

but even if we were hurt, we cried, we bleed, we got mad, at the end of the day, it is still the love we have for that person that lingers. and i am just as amazed that through it all, i am still able to return love. i could have just walked away (much easier) or kill that person with my words (haha if words can kill).

there was this card that was given to me 10 years ago that said, 'when troubles seem too heavy, fly like a bird high into the sky and see how small the earth becomes.' there could be a lot of interpretation to that. but for me, it's looking at the problem from a different perspective (and not running away from it). when we are ruled by strong emotion, we tend to focus on that one aspect that hurt us. we tend to gravitate more towards it. rising to a higher ground, makes us see that what we are looking at is just a part of a bigger picture. and when we are able to see what that picture is all about, we come to understand. and the hurt and anger we have were appeased.

having mentioned strong emotions, i remember one of my favorite saints, Ignatius de Loyola. he wrote the Rules of Discernment, an autobiographical masterpiece but with a universal application. one of the lessons was, we should not make a decision whenever we are governed by a strong emotion (too much joy, anger, sadness, or fear) because that decision tends to be the work of a devil. learning this is really a challenge. how easy is shutting up whenever we are very angry? how many couples break up in the middle of a fight? how many people take their own life because of too much anxiety? how many girls lose their virginity because of too much joy (haha. sorry, had to say something ishtar-ish)? so whenever we are at the height of our emotions, don't act first. remember to pause, reflect, and pray.

there's this one story that our parish priest related in one of his homily which is like eons ago (i really like the story that's why i remembered). its about two best of friends. time came when one of them was about to get married. when they were in the church, the bride stood at the back ready to walk down the aisle when her best friend came running towards her and slapped her. and then the commotion begun. the girl who slapped her best friend was immediately thrown out of the church and was condemned for life for ruining the most important occasion in her best friend's life (now i am laughing remembering that story. honga no, what a coincidence). one day, the priest saw the girl in the church praying. remembering what happened, the priest went to the girl and asked, 'why did you do that to your friend? aren't you suppose to be the first one who should be happy for her? why did you slap her on the most special day of her life?' the girl looked up to the priest and said, 'father, kase po may malaking lamok na nakadapo sa pisngi nya. ayoko po sana sya makagat kaya nagawa ko yun.' now i know why it became a favorite. coz it made me laugh hard when i heard the ending.

an act is an act. we can take it in different ways, give a hundred interpretation to it. run our lives around it depending on how we see it. but again, an act is just an act. without intention, it is lifeless, meaningless, amoral. maybe instead of scrutinizing the act, we should dig into what the intention was. motives are the driving force of our actions.

i hope my last installment will be the last in this growing 'word war' in our inbox (--or so it seems. hihi. coz more than you know or it seems like, it was designed to convey an important lesson. ;D). can i tell you a secret? here it goes: i have not given up. coz love doesn't just give up.

i hope we all have a beautiful day ahead.

>>

christmas is over!

2010-01-04T23:03:00.007+08:00

i really wonder why the best is always reserved for last. yesterday marked the end of the christmas season. it is also when i got the most important lesson i have yet to hear.

yesterday, since i woke up early, i planned to hear mass at 9am. our church wasn't really far from my house. it only takes a 5 minute walk. but since i did a little chitchat with mom before i left, i didn't realized i was already running late. the priest was already in his homily when i arrived. so ok, since im late already, i decided to do my errands first and attend the next hour mass instead.

10 am, i was lucky to get a good seat near the garden. while listening to the homily, i was amused. ikaw ba yan, Lord? para sa kin ba tong message na to? in his homily, the priest said that in life, it was not how well or how fast we moved that matters, its how many times we have paused. then it all dawned on me. now i understood why these all happened. why i got sick and then having to give up my job(s), not been able to get into residency, and not been able to reach my ultimate dream to live on my own. i remember how i described my life- me in a car running 250mph then suddenly put into a halt just as when i can almost reached my goal. i had long dreamed of that moment when i can finally be free from the school and start making my dreams come true. but then it all happened. i didn't blame God for it. what i felt was more of frustration than anger. i realized now, i forgot that two essential things, pause and reflect. i was too eager to do everything at once not realizing what God's plan was for me. had i not paused will i know where i am going?

father Ino also said that we are all like the three wise men following a star. imagine, those wise men came from different parts of the world but their paths crossed because they were after all, following only one star. in a night sky filled with stars, we have to choose that one star we must follow throughout our lives. picking which star among all the glittery ones is the hardest. it's no different from choosing a career, a residency program, or a lifetime partner with the knowledge that once a choice was made, you have to stand by it for better or worse. but again in order to do this we must first pause, think, reflect and most importantly, pray. in the end, it doesnt matter how fast we get there. what matters is that we made the right choice and followed the right path.

>>

thanks for the eyebags

2010-01-04T08:52:00.004+08:00

oh come on, was it really what i said or was it something you ASSUMED that i said (or the meaning you put into my words) that ruined your day?

i am not thanking you for the eyebags, it was my choice to stay up late and dwell in my anger. nothing can affect me unless i allowed it. my anger did the eyebags.

now i choose to have a beautiful morning.

>>

my own unofficial cake review

2010-01-03T15:57:00.016+08:00

i admit i am hard to please when it comes to cake. i love cake and ice cream and chocolates too. and when it comes to these three, i am always in pursuit of the finest, most delectable, and heavenly taste there is. i remember having traveled to los banos a couple of times in college just to have a slice of their chocolate cake. mind you, it was not even sold in some fancy restaurant there nor even in a bakeshop. it was in that little glass canteen in IRRI where my friends and i (accidentally) found that delicious cake.

since it's the yuletide season, i was again challenged to put something new on the table. on christmas, i bought almond choco sansrival from conti's. i developed a relationship with conti's a few years ago when a friend gave me and my housemates a mango bravo cake as a gift. i liked the variety of bread and nuts in it and so that year, i brought home a mango bravo for christmas and my family loved it. since then, whenever a special occasion comes, they always ask me to buy a cake from conti's. we've tasted almost all of their classic cakes. the almond choco sansrival were one of the new ones. i served it with a scoop of very strawberry ice cream from selecta for dessert. mom and my sisters loved it (dad and my brother love anything sweet). for me, the combination was perfect. the cake was not chocolatey as i assumed. the chocolate was spread thinly in between layers. the nougaty sansrival was chewy but not overly sweet and the almonds and cashew were plenteous. the strawberry ice cream complimented it well.

for the new year, i went all the way to Times street to order a mango torte from dulcelin. i was drawn to try it because of the many good reviews i have read. one of those even branded it as the best mango torte in manila, selling 2,000+ box every christmas season. that was impressive considering it was only a home based business. for me, the taste was ok, though something i will not rave about. it reminded me of the mango ref cake i usually make back then when the graham crackers were a hit, well, minus the graham of course. its base was interesting having that crumbly sweet nutty texture which i later found out was a cashew-based nougatine (thanks to the reviews again). i partnered it with a scoop of selecta's chocolate truffles. i must admit the combination was a disaster. it was too sweet.

sad that i didn't have pictures of the cakes. i got lazy to get a camera hihi.

i already made plans for my next stop. it will be that cake store which i won't name yet here (secret muna) located in greenbelt 5 which, according to the review, sells one of the best chocolate cake in the metro. that i really can't wait to try.

>>

one batch. one decade. one great reunion

2010-01-02T17:20:00.015+08:00

i was there. half an hour before the party was over. on that day, i was out from work at 7pm, my best buds, D and K, arrived at my house at 9pm then we waited some more somewhere in q.c. for R (we fondly call her first lady now). it's been a while since we saw our dear friend FL (first lady) and i was happy to be her passenger on our way to the venue (the two boys were in another car). we may not have been the best of friends in hs but our ties were drawn closer being the only two female in a group of 12. yes, im not their only princess as what it usually appears like. its just that im here and FL now lives in zambales with her dear hubby and daughter.

i had no plans of attending that reunion. even JB's persuasiveness didn't affect me . maybe because i had more bad memories then being one of the most bullied girl in the batch. i would even believe i could pass as the most hated girl in HS not because i was the most wicked cruelest person but because i didn't befriend those "uptown girls". i was happy to be simple. i didn't even care if i own nothing branded. we weren't rich to begin with and i wouldn't, for the life of me, ask mom to buy me a bag or a pair of shoes that will cost a thousand bucks just to show off. that annoying group wouldn't have noticed my existence if only the most famous and sort of influential person in the batch didn't have a crush on me and a rich girl (she was really rich and not just pretending to be one) didn't make me her best friend. maybe what even made the matter worse was that i was not really that accommodating back then. my shyness was mistaken as kasungitan. i was too shy to mingle. i was even scared of my own voice. (that is why i braved to join theater to overcome that shyness and eventually became a core group officer of that organization in my senior year which i also believe added more fire to their anger). so i spent my high school being the object of their hatred. i bet someone got to hate me first before she get accepted in their group. i was just happy that the few friends i had then stayed by my side and that they saw that im not really a bad person and i didn't deserve to be treated that way. i have to say i even enjoyed college more. i had freedom in college and i learned more about the realities of life then. so upto the last minute my decision was to stay home and forget all about the reunion. But i guess i was bound to be there. by some twist of fate, someone gave me her ticket for free and on the last minute, someone offered me a ride (my driver was not really on a vacation. i just made it up coz i really didn't want to go). it was nice having seen those familiar faces again after a decade of not seeing each other. a lot have changed now. i didn't feel the division anymore. everybody was happy to mingle and take pictures with each other. the party didn't even end there. we went to pasig for an after party. i got home at 5am (my latest ever).

i love the slogan of our reunion: one batch. one decade. one grand party.

MCS high school class '99 reunion
the legend villas, mandaluyong city
december 30, 2009

after party:
Metrowalk, Pasig City

>>

make way for the perfect 10

2010-01-01T14:18:00.012+08:00

goodbye 2009, hello 2010! the past year had been full of drama. it started with a bang and ended with an unexpected twist. nonetheless, 2009 had given me a lot of lessons and some of the most important milestones in my life.

i hope 2010 will be a better year not just for me but also for my loved ones. i do hope that i carry with me the lessons i got from the past year.

these are my plans, wishes and resolution for this year:

> get myself into residency

> live on my own

> wish my ASO will be normal and my immune system strengthen.

> no more RF flare this year!

> hope ties will be strengthened, gap will be filled, and learn to forgive and forget.

> hear mass more often.

> pray the rosary everyday

> less FB and more bonding time with friends

> read more

> exercise often

> eat less (awww....) and eat healthy

> make a monthly budget and stick with it

> resurrect the pamper-me-day

> continue to blog often. it really helps when you read yourself =) very therapeutic

> wake up early

> speak up more but with caution

> discover new places

> learn new crafts

> organize my e- files

these were the important lessons i learned the past year:

> live within your means and within your seams

> conserve energy

> never give up

> use plastic prudently

> recycle

> shut up when you have nothing good to say (this was very challenging)

> patience (i am getting along with this virtue pretty well. woohoo!)

> embrace change

> generosity, humility and compassion.

> learning to trust that there is a perfect time for everything

> health is wealth

> that life is a bore if things keep going your way.

> pag gusto may paraan. pag ayaw maraming dahilan. (parang kanta lang)

> listen more than talk more

> No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

> breeding can't be acquired in school nor can be brought by gold.

> life won't go exactly how you planned it. giving up is not the answer to this but rather becoming more flexible.

>>

duets

2009-12-29T13:24:00.007+08:00

ive been listening to this song the whole night and this morning too. ganda. didn't know they were pinoy until i saw this in youtube. kudos rey and kaye for the very good rendition.

>>

conversations

2009-12-29T10:39:00.004+08:00

this thing called cellphone drew people into texting because its cheaper than calling or meeting up with someone you wanted to greet, catch up with, or have a heart to heart talk with not minding what was lost there. texting makes room for misinterpretation coz it just couldn't convey emotions. maybe that's why they have created those smileys/ emoticons but they're just not enough, are they? almost forgot i have the wonder sun cell wherein calls were free. yeah. so i guess it's my fault for not calling. coz i was misinterpreted. ok. lesson learned.

i just realized that we are slaves of emotion. but not all the time it will succeed as a weapon for manipulating people. i'm hating all these drama. it seems it had created a cloud of hallucination hovering people making everyone react to everything rather than thinking first before reacting. and i hate becoming a part of this. well it's a choice i made and i'm hating my decision now. but how do you cut your ties and just walk away or choose to be indifferent, perhaps? i don't know. maybe it's time to breathe fresh air. that's what everybody needs now and that's exactly what i will do.

>>

a new year is coming

2009-12-28T20:22:00.005+08:00

i'm still not done yet with my new year's resolution. i guess, a little more time for reflection for me. one of my favorite blogs have reposted this and i liked most of what were written here. im re-reposting it so i can also have my own copy. hehe.

have a prosperous year ahead.

Health:
I wish you happiness, good health and peace as we close out the year
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others... You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do.. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously.. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

here's another one:

I Believe...

That just because two people argue,
It doesn't mean they don't love each other.
And just because they don't argue,
It doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if
We understand that friends change.

I Believe....
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.

Same goes for true love.

I Believe....
That you can do something in an instant
That will give you heartache for life..

I Believe...
That it's taking me a long time
To become the person I want to be.

I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with
Loving words. It may be the last time you see them..

I Believe...
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe...
That we are responsible for what
We do, no matter how we feel.

I Believe....
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe...
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I Believe...
That my best friend and I, can do anything, or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you When you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up..

I Believe...
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry,
But that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe...
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had
And what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe...
That it isn't always enough, to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe...
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are,
But, we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe...
That you shouldn't be so eager to find
Out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe...
Two people can look at the exact same
Thing and see something totally different.

I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of
Hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe....
That even when you think you have no more to give, when
A friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I Believe...
That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in, I just did.

'The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything.

>>

isang maligayang pasko

2009-12-26T10:17:00.003+08:00

na naman ang nagdaan sa buhay ko. simula nung naranasan kong hindi magpasko sa bahay dahil napakaswerte ko na laging duty tuwing pasko at new year, hindi na ko naghahanap pa ng kung ano anong eche bureche. masaya na ako sa simpleng reason na nasa bahay ako kasama ng pamilya ko. wala man boyfriend, mamahaling regalo o kung ano pa man, okay lang.

hinahanap ko dito ang post ko tungkol sa pinakamalungkot na pasko ko. pero hindi ko yun mahanap. ikukwento ko nalang ulit. nung nasa clerkship pa ako, duty ako ng christmas and new year's eve sa pinakamalungkot na bahagi ng hospital, ang CCU- ICU. napakatahimik. kasama ko ang mga pasyenteng half- conscious. hindi nga ata sila aware na pasko na. wala kami nun ma- orderan kase wala nang bukas na fast food chain. buti nalang madaming pinabaon si mami kaya nakakain kaming lahat. habang ang buong hospital ay nag- iingay, nagsasaya, nagbabatian ng merry chistmas, kaming tatlo nila angel at abary ay nagmomonitor ng walang humpay na q15. yun ang unang pagkakataon na hindi ko na napigilang umiyak. hindi ako talaga iyakin pero sa pagkakataon na yon naiyak ako dahil naramdaman ko talaga ang lungkot. kaya ganito nalang ang pagkasaya ko na makasama ang pamilya ko sa araw ng pasko. isa pa, naiisip ko ang daddy ko. tuwing sasapit ang ganitong okasyon, nagpapasalamat ako sa Diyos na nakasama ko pa sya sa araw na yun. happy na ko na alam kong anjan sya kahit pa tulog na sya pagsapit ng 12am. hehe. sana lagi pa rin syang anjan para sa amin.

merry christmas sa inyong lahat! sana nakasama nyo lahat ng mga mahal nyo sa buhay.

sa ibang bagay, matatapos na ang bathroom ni mami. hindi na ko nagpilit pa na- idagdag ang mga iron pieces para sa mediterranean look. pero sinunod pa din naman ang outdoor feel. wish ko matapos na sya before mag new year. ang alikabok kase dito sa bahay.

>>

hang on till tomorrow

2009-12-13T17:24:00.010+08:00

ganda ng boses ng batang ito. mala- anghel ang dating.

this is my favorite song right now. so full of hope for the future.

our bathroom in the first floor is currently under renovation. mom and i went to ace hardware earlier to window shop tiles and ceramics. i think mom wants to have an outdoor feel for the new bathroom. gusto nya yung parang bato- bato effect na tiles for the floor. naaliw naman ako sa gusto ni mother. hehe. excited na ko na makita ang outcome. sana maganda. crossing my fingers.

>>

good mawning

2009-12-13T06:21:00.002+08:00

this is so not me. i dont know why i got up early today after sleeping late last night. what is happening??

>>

pick up lines

2009-12-09T17:59:00.003+08:00

okay. i must admit i am enjoying those pick up lines. i do not believe any of them and i know its not getting anywhere. but they really make me laugh. and no im not sharing them. its for my eyes only haha.

>>

fairy tale come true

2009-12-09T17:02:00.029+08:00

i was in taal vista yesterday for my bff's wedding. another bridesmaid role for me there. a few days back i told my sister that it was edward teng who made the gowns of the entourage. this declaration was followed by a question which astonished my sister, who is edward teng? turned out he is one of my sister's favorite designers. sorry di ako sosyal kaya di ko sya kilala. after searching him on the internet, i learned that wedding is his forte. now im glad to have worn one of his creations. click here to view his website.

i love the bead work of my gown. more wedding photos in my flickr.

it was nice going back to tagaytay. it's one place i never get tired of going back to. i considered it as my second home ever since i have stayed there for sometime. having a feel of the cold breeze there especially during this season is something i really enjoyed. it was the first time that i have worn sleeveless there. i stayed outdoors for two hours because the wedding took place in the garden of taal vista overlooking the lake and i really felt that i was inappropriately dressed for the weather. the wind was so cold that i can feel it seeping through my skin down to my bones as if consuming every part of my body and then left me standing there frozen and bare naked. but id rather have that than the scorching heat of summer.

i realized i am giving away two of my bffs this year and within the same month. and how do i feel about that? mixed emotions. it's every girls dream to walk down the aisle. wedding is like a fairy tale come true and so i am happy for them and i am thankful to be a part of their unforgettable moment as they finally get their happy endings and start new beginnings as a wife and (soon-to-be) mother. i am also a little sad that we cannot hang out with each other as much as we wanted to. gone were the days that we can have sleep overs and night outs. their priorities are different now and they have more responsibilities than before. we are really getting old. hay. the realities of life.

>>

funny it seems

2009-12-07T17:54:00.004+08:00

how i am able to contain it. how was it possible that a girl like me get through every day when she used to need a distant friend to pour her heart out when situations like this arise? is it wisdom i get in getting old that makes me this strong? is it faith in the almighty that makes me trust the unknown? or is it the hard times that's keeping me preoccupied? whatever it is, what matters is that it is serving it's purpose well. more importantly, there are values re- learned and strengthened. patience is not an easy friend and i am amazed how we get along now.

>>

today's great finds

2009-12-04T12:42:00.008+08:00

i just got home from shoe mart. ever since i became an editor, i made it a point to go to the mall early so i can get back by noon for my work. today, i went there to buy blank cds for some of the wedding songs that my bff will use on tuesday (naku lapit na!!!). i also decided to drop by starbuko to buy that frap i've been craving for since yesterday. i was surprised when the cashier gave me a bag of coffee for free. swerte ko naman. i was planning to give it away since i only drink coffee on occasion due to my hyperacidity but dad was attracted to it's rich aroma and wanted to try it so i am obliged to buy him filter paper for his coffee maker hehe.

i also went to national bookstore to buy some sticker paper for the cds' label and bought a copy of this month's issue of reader's digest too. since it's christmas month, i also get to have a free back issue. woohoo! i love freebies and i love reader's digest.

also, i saw pilot selling magic ballpens and magic highlighters. wonder what is magical about them? well, coz the ink is erasable. both have a silver gray tip which serves as an eraser. i guess i have to buy lord zagato a black erasable pen. it's very handy in the exam coz some of the forms they have to fill up on the first day are a bit eye challenging and they only allow examiners to use ink on those. so to my dear lord zagato, in case you read this, you don't have to look for the pen coz im going to buy you one, okay?

ouch!

2009-12-03T21:47:00.003+08:00

We all have the ability…we just don't all have the courage to follow our dreams and to follow the signs

this was what paolo coelho told me today in FB. kinabog ako dun. yup, i admit that i am a chicken now. the fearless and taray queen before eh dinadaga na din ngayon.

nalilito kase ako sa mga signs... or possible na hindi lang ako masyadong nagppay attention.

so i made up my mind. im willing to retrace my path in order to see those signs again... and this time ill look at them closer.

>>

between the headlines

2009-11-28T13:52:00.009+08:00

on manny and krista issue. these were the golden rules of men that i heard from sir willy and sir derrick when we visited calatagan.

the eleventh commandment: wag kang magpapahuli

and the twelveth: pag nahuli ka, wag kang aamin.

on maguindanao massacre

hindi ko talaga mawari ang nasa utak ng taong may kagagawan nun. akalain mo, hindi lang nya inutos ang pagpapapatay. nandun mismo sya nung nangyari yun. nandun sya na sumalubong at nagpahinto sa unang sasakyan. andun sya na may hawak din na baril. madaling mag- utos. madaling magpakawala ng mga salita. madali ding magtago at bawiin ang mga yun pag tinutugis ka na. pero paano mo magagawa yun kung ikaw mismo ang nakita kasama ng mga armadong militar na bumaril sa mga sibilyan? ang lakas ng loob nya na ituro pa sa iba ang krimen na kanyang nagawa gayong mga witness na mismo ang nagpatotoo na nandun sya.
ang pinaka kinasasama ng loob ko sa pangyayaring yun, ay ang pagsunod ng mga militar sa politiko na yun. di ba nila alam ang tungkulin nila? di ba nila alam na sibilyan ang dapat nilang protektahan? sana hindi sila nagpagamit. sana din, katulad ng amo nila, maparusahan din lahat ng may kagagawan sa pagpaslang, militar man o private security group ng taong yun. lahat sila dapat magdusa.
at ang kapal naman nya na mag request ng hospital-arrest. wala kang sakit sa katawan. sa utak meron. mabulok ka jan sa kulungan. che!

separated at birth?

2009-11-21T20:41:00.005+08:00

New Moon star Taylor Lautner (L) and Phil Younghusband (R), an English- Filipino professional football player.

>>

found it!

2009-11-21T17:15:00.003+08:00

my silver and blue bracelet didn't get lost as i have presumed late last night after watching new moon in promenade. it dropped from my pants when i changed my clothes. it must have been stuck in my undies, of all places. how did it happened? i really dont know but im happy to have it back.

>>

discovery for the week

2009-11-21T12:27:00.008+08:00

1. i am having insomnia recently. this is so not good coz it's killing my schedule. i dont get enough time in the morning to jog and read coz i am sleeping when i am supposed to be awake. And CONCENTRATING to sleep is freaking me out.

2. confirmed! Oprah's ending her show on it's 25th year (which will be next year). awww... hope she comes up with another one.

3. weddings weddings and many more weddings on the run. it was the goddess's civil wedding yesterday. i just learned the church wedding's gonna follow next month. there's another wedding set for early december which i have to attend to. too many weddings. can't take this anymore. need lots of moolah lest my christmas gift's gonna suffer. anyone need's a reliever?

4. this really shocked me. i just saw photos of an animal in a zoo and i really had a hard time figuring out what kind of animal it is. i was a biologist and sure saw lots of animals (from books and for real) but i can't seem to distinguish the poor thing. kaya naman pala, there's something lacking.

did you guess what it is? it is a photo of a balding bear taken from a zoo in Leipzig (san ba yun?). surprisingly, the females were the only ones getting bald. vets are still baffled by the mysterious condition inflicting those cute and (supposedly) hairy creatures. what really concerns me though is that they should be growing thicker fur by now to protect them from the cold winter. i hope the vets get a heater at least so as not to let those poor animals perish.

>>

congratulations, Manny!

2009-11-15T19:56:00.008+08:00

once more, manny has proved his prowess in the boxing realm. today, he has carved his name in history as he won his seventh title in seven weight classes and cement his stature as the best pound for pound fighter in the world.

galing ng pinoy!

>>

si attorney ay photographer din pala

2009-11-14T16:51:00.002+08:00

i learned from chuvaness that atty. fortun is also a professional photographer so i checked out his site and i ended adding him up as my online buddy. naks, online buddies na kami ni atty. fortun! hehehe. magaling pala ang lolo mo. sana i can afford to hire him in the furure. hehe. walang masamang mangarap. click here to check out his site.

>>

the day i cried 'Eureka!'

2009-11-13T23:23:00.006+08:00

i think i found what i have been looking for. no, im not telling you about it. i just want to mark this date to remind me of the day when i finally found the sign leading to the path where i should go. but it wouldn't be a secret for long. it will have it's moment. but right now, let's leave it as my little secret. just want to share my happiness to the whole blogosphere.

>>

oil going gone?

2009-11-11T20:15:00.004+08:00

another bad news. news said we will ran out of oil supplies after two weeks. the oil companies are blaming the EO released by the president to regulate the prices of basic commodities after the big flood struck manila in september. i do get the intention of the president but oil prices has gone up in the world market and the oil companies cannot anymore sustain the inflation and so this resulted. its really not good news that this is happening when it is only 44 days left before christmas. i do pray we can get pass this. i do pray that the people will not panic and start hoarding gas because this will only aggravate the situation. i do hope that the government will come up with a better solution to this problem. and i do hope we all get a happy christmas after all.

>>

i hate you, hackers!!!

2009-11-11T12:22:00.003+08:00

bad news. my FB account has been hacked. kamusta naman yun. my contacts were receiving wall posts from "me" with a link on an unknown twitter account. heck. i don't even twitter. so what do i do now?

first, i tried to contact FB to settle this issue. i have to commend FB for being so organized. they have ready answers for different case scenarios. all you have to do is to click buttons to get to what you are looking for. the first instruction required me to change my password which i did. and then i have to run an anti-virus- now that is a problem. i do not have an anti-virus in my laptop. do mac already get virused these days? hope not. hay. i just downloaded security update. hope that helps.

so to all my friends who get those crap messages in FB from "me", please ignore them. i really hope that this issue will be resolved in no time.

>>

my early christmas wishlist

2009-11-05T20:38:00.011+08:00

malapit na ang pasko! at dahil jan, naisipan ko na maglagay na ng wishlist ko. puro material things lang ang nasa listahan na ito kase gusto ko sana yung mailalagay ko sa ilalim ng christmas tree. syempre wish ko din na magkaroon world peace at sana magkaroon ng masayang pasko ang mga nasalanta ng nagdaang mga bagyo.
sa post na ito, hayaan nyo na muna ang batang paslit na katulad ko na humiling kay santa. dahil kahit ano pa man, naniniwala pa din ako na may santa claus na makakabasa nito:

my wishlist this christmas:
1. panasonic lumix DMC-lx3
- this one should not be on the list because im going to have it soon. yehey!!! it will be considered as an early christmas present.

2. hello kitty cell phone

- oh i want it ruhley bahhd. i saw this from one of my favorite blogs and i admit i stared at it for 5 whole minutes. i love pink. i love hello kitty. and i like this new phone.

3. mac time capsule or an external hard disk drive with 1-2 terrabyte capacity
- this will really really help a lot especially for my memory space needs

4. nikon d90
- ohhhkkkkaaaay, i must admit i am slowly becoming a convert. i think im beginning to like those long nosed dSLR cameras. so for the love of the art, i want this one!

5. a headband from classic sparkles

- classic sparkles creates beautiful accessories and hair pieces made from semi precious stones. their designs are all in free hand so no item sold are identically the same.

6. sun jar from quirks novelties and curiosities in rockwell

- i bet none of my closest friends know this, i don't sleep alone in my room at night without a light on. there's always a lamp or a night light beside my bed. it will be very economical and earth friendly for me to use one of these since my lamp is turned on for 8 to 9 hours depending on the length of my sleep. imagine the energy and money i will be able to conserve for let's say a month of using this! and i learned it also comes in different colors. yay! you don't have to guess what color i wanted hehe.

the light in the sun jar lasts for about five hours.

Santa, sana po matupad ang mga wish ko ngayong pasko.
thanks, bro!

>>

Amihan

2009-11-03T12:53:00.003+08:00

im a self confessed lover of windy days. hanging Amihan is here already and i love the feel of it's cool breeze on my skin. it's days like this that makes me want to go out for a long walk even in midday. it also reminds me of tagaytay and christmas.

more on hanging amihan, according to wikipedia,

Amihan refers to the season dominated by the trade winds, which are experienced in the Philippines as a cool northeast wind. It is characterized by moderate temperatures, little or no rainfall, and a prevailing wind from the east.

As a general rule of thumb, the Philippines' Amihan weather pattern begins sometime in September or October and ends sometime in May or June. There may, however, be wide variations from year to year.

In culture,
Amihan is a bird in the Philippine mythology. According to the Tagalog folklore, Amihan is the first creature to inhabit the universe, along with the gods called Bathala and Aman Sinaya. In the legend, Amihan is described as a bird who saves the first human beings, Malakas and Maganda from a bamboo plant. ------>>;">aha! sya pala yun.

>>

HP is currently reading

2009-11-02T15:07:00.003+08:00

can't get enough of you

2009-11-01T21:27:00.008+08:00

it's been week since we've been to calatagan and i am still raving about it.

this is me at Ronco, a beach resort owned by Mr. D who gave us such a warm welcome. the place was so relaxing. this photo is so far my favorite picture of myself. credit goes to neil.

>>

ginto

2009-10-30T21:22:00.003+08:00

my sis and i went to the mall this morning to buy my uber cute pamangkin a new pair of shoes. i was really surprised when i look at the tags. had prices really gone that high? we are buying shoes for a two year- old kid and we didn't find anything lower than 500Php. kamusta naman yun.

i can still remember when we were kids, mom used to buy us Mighty Kid rubber shoes that were sold in stalls along the high way near the market. i bet those shoes didn't even reach 200Php back then. wala pa nga atang 100Php un. may mighty kid pa ba ngayon? wala na ata.

and so my sis was forced to buy a pair of rubber shoes (dora the explorer pa ata yun. pero hindi si dora ang nasa rubbershoes huh. otherwise mukhang pang girl di ba?). we got it for 650+Php. so mahal for a kiddo who's feet keeps on expanding. sayang ang pera. but seeing my pamangkin's eyes get bigger as he opened the box and hearing him exclaimed "WOW" ... priceless.

>>

do you know how it feels?

2009-10-28T21:27:00.002+08:00

it feels like my heart just somersaulted. and the reason for that? i do not know... but like the old times, it seems, someone close to me feels the same. it's more like i feel that person... i can feel what he/she is going through. and this is true 99 percent of the time.

so how do you feel?

>>

first bloom

2009-10-27T11:10:00.007+08:00

my orchid had its first bloom today! ever since i got the plant, it never get to have flowers not until now. hmmm. another milestone.

this orchid also has a sentimental value. an old love (old=past=nonexistent already) gave it to me as a gift. if my memory serves me right, this has been in my garden for three years now. that's how long i have waited to see the beauty of its flowers. nice!

>>

the wanderlust princess left a set of footprints in Calatagan

2009-10-26T15:24:00.012+08:00

this is not good. i have fever today and a terrible headache. plus my chest hurts too.

i've been to calatagan last weekend. it was a blast! i have met some of the rich and famous people in their own respective fields and i was floored having a glimpse of their simplicity. truly, calatagan is the "hamptons" of the philippines coz a lot of the upscale and famous people owns a property there.

the best thing about the trip is that i was able to see the "hidden treasures" of calatagan such as the Faro de Punta Santiago lighthouse which is currently not open to the public due to some legal issues concerning its ownership (a bad, influential yet famous person put it in his name and tried to put up a resort there. grrrrrr. that really made me so mad. what a total a*hole!) and there's no road that leads to it since the neighboring lands are all privately owned. this is really sad because the lighthouse is the oldest structure in calatagan. i am truly blessed to have known kuya derrick who starting an advocacy to restore the heritage sites in calatagan incuding the lighthouse. i instantly became a member of the organization.

i was just sad that i was not able to take any pictures because i failed to bring the memory card of my camera. arrrggghhh! i am also forced to buy lumix soon so i can bring it on our next calatagan adventure and other series of trips for the advocacy.

anyways, these are some of the pictures taken by oompa woompa girl (OWG).

with neil. sunset was stunning! this was taken on top of the lighthouse.

Faro de Punta Santiago lighthouse

>>

quote for the day

2009-10-21T21:24:00.002+08:00

this is the best quote i read today in fb. i got this from kat's post:

when there's something you really want, fight for it, don't give up no matter how hopeless it seems. And when you've lost hope, ask yourself if 10 years from now, you're gonna wish you gave it just one more shot

eyes so tired

2009-10-21T20:31:00.006+08:00

my new raket requires me to stare at the computer for long hours as a result, my eyes get really tired afterwards. just want to cover them up for a moment from time to time , to sort of give them a break. i started working as an editor of a medical transcription firm since monday and i guess i've been doing pretty well adjusting.

last monday, i met up with my BFF ate mads who handed me the pictures that i am supposed to include in the video for their wedding. which reminds me that i should have downloaded the final cut pro at this time and studied it. well, i have done the downloading part just now. been really busy with other stuffs lately, like putting up a website for my new online store (got my first stock of bags from abbie) , upload some pics to ebay, etcetera. i just purchased 6 bags and i was so happy to sell all of them in three days. yay! at may humabol pa! i was intending to keep the 6th bag for my own but then an ebayer won my auction just after it ended (i did have a buyer in ebay before him) i decided to just sell the last piece and get another one from abbie. hehe. extra money is always welcome. which reminds me, i have to ship it by tomorrow already! so busy schedule. but loving it. i think i like having this everyday schedule than going on duty once a week which really gives me a separation anxiety.

on the other side, another BFF is asking me for schedule availability for a church hunting for her wedding. hay. so many weddings to be done! hehe. kelan kaya ako magiging abala for my own wedding? echos!

lastly, my mom is already making kulit about my application for residency. she wanted me to go with her in her meetings with our congressman (who is her kinakapatid) whom she learned is very close to the medical director of the hospital that i have recently applied to. well, i feel reluctant about it because i haven't read the book yet, and i don't think i wanted to enter unprepared.

it's 2 more days before i go to calatagan. can't wait to be a beach bum once more.

>>

confession of a shoesaholic

2009-10-20T20:06:00.004+08:00

what does a princess do when she wanted to make an ordinary day less ordinary or wanted to feel comforted after a long and tiring day is over? hmmm i will tell you my secret. i get my favorite shoes from my cabinet or the latest pair of footwear that i have purchased, slip it on my feet and suddenly everything becomes beautiful again (ala confessions of a shopaholic. hehe). magic!

just wanted to celebrate my latest purchase and my first ever super flats sandals which the sole i think is only half an inch high (never liked flats before. i just buy some for duties). i recently bought a Charcoal Leather leisure flatties which is made in Argentina. according to the label, the sandals is named Fertini Negro. i plan to use it in my calatagan getaway this weekend. nice!

>>

huh!? ano daw??? anlabo!

2009-10-17T17:49:00.002+08:00

ayokong magsulat. hindi ko din naman alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko. hindi ko din alam kung ano talaga ang nararamdaman ko. isa lamang akong batang paslit na naglalakad sa kawalan. at malamang ay naliligaw na rin ng landas...

walang salita na kayang bigkasin ang mga bagay na nararamdaman ko ngayon. siguro dahil pabago- bago sila. katulad ng magulo kong isip. magulo. walang ayos. wala din sigurong patutunguhan.

hindi ko alam kung bakit sinusulat ko ito. siguro sa isang banda, gusto kong isipin na may isang taong nakikinig. isang taong maaring nadarama din kung ano ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. isang taong magsasabi, "keri lang yan." kahit alam kong hindi.

pustahan tayo hindi mo ako naiintindihan. pero huwag kang mag- alala. maiintindihan ko kung bakit. ang mahalaga nakinig ka.

>>

reconnected

2009-10-06T13:32:00.004+08:00

hay salamat. after more than a week of suffering no internet connection, they have finally fixed the problem. the typhoon ondoy made really a big mess and a lot of people got affected. im just thankful that i only get to suffer this much. to my friends who got affected by the flood, i will continue to pray for you. bangon, Pilipinas!

last sunday, i went to the bar offs to cheer kuya jerwin (my BFF's fiance). after, we headed to their couturier to have my measurements. they are having their wedding this december! yay! i was surprised when ate madel told me i have to make them a presentation for their wedding. as in ako??? nagbibiro ka ba 'te? haha. after coughing out, i realized the two were both serious in giving me that assignment so i dont really have much of a choice. hehe. i can only promise to do my very best to make it presentable.

i also get to visit amici in tomas morato when they decided to hang out in a coffee bean and tea leaf which is on the same building. what really made my day was learning cara mia is already in amici! love it!

gourmet gelato by cara mia. tempting.

>>

coffee break

2009-09-25T15:32:00.005+08:00

im in love with nescafe's hazelnut coffee with ice. mmm... and i love drinking it in my tall frosted glass with a large pink P. hehe.
my friends know that i seldom drink hot coffee coz anything "hot" makes me feel sleepy hehe.
i took this photo while talking on the fone. hehe

>>

comfort zone

2009-09-25T14:31:00.004+08:00

ewan ko ba kung ano nangyayari sa kin. there's something in my gut wanting to be heard. siguro rin i kept on fighting the urge to do it kaya ganito. well what do you think i am talking about? i'm gonna tell you what it is. i want something extraordinary. i want to get out of my comfort zone. i want to feel the action, the thrill, and the adventure of being alive! living a life of comfort sometimes makes me feel lost in realizing the purpose of my existence, the mere meaning of why i am here. i am free but at times i do not feel free. there' s something there waiting for me. i knew it. i can feel it. waiting...

>>

time out

2009-09-24T20:23:00.003+08:00

pwede bang time first muna? time first sa kakaisip at kakaplano? time first sa kaba at tensyon? i just want a break. haaay. isa pa pala, pwede bang time first muna sa pag iisa?

>>

q and a with cuz

2009-09-15T22:22:00.002+08:00

late last night, i asked him this:

what do you do when you feel lifeless, worthless and uninspired?

he answered me,

set a new goal and this time, hit it hard

bingo.

a prayer

2009-09-15T22:14:00.005+08:00

Lord, please lend your shoulder when it seems i have no one

please lend me your ears when no one seems to listen

please be at my side when no one seems to care

remind me O Lord how blessed i am when i feel worthless

remind me that there's something to look forward to when i get hopeless

and remind me that i am not alone when i feel helpless.

my first try

2009-09-12T20:31:00.003+08:00

im trying to do things on photoshop for the very first time and this is my first work of art. it's simple but im proud of it. i just realized, learning photoshop is like learning a new language. hirap talaga sa umpisa. this took me 4 hours to finish.

>>

she took my breath away

2009-09-12T13:56:00.002+08:00

it's the first time i heard her sing and i must say, i was swept away.
voice is perfect. lyrics is perfect. two thumbs up for Sara Bareilles.

>>

what love asks

2009-09-10T11:45:00.002+08:00

amidst all the noise

and the thoughts running in your head,

listen with your heart

>>

crossing my fingers

2009-09-06T14:02:00.011+08:00

my week consists of studying andrew's then thinking, re- evaluating, and planning my next step. pedia or derma? hmmm. i still want to try on both. and freaking out to get the cash i need to meet the uber expensive application gimmicks of derma. i'm shelling out thousands of cash from my own pocket for those exams. ouch!

im dying to get into residency. i never planned to stay long in moonlighting. it's not that i don't enjoy earning money but time is more of my concern. time is precious for me. also, i wanted the perks that goes with residency like living in the metro (sorry mom) and hopefully hopefully getting a car (crossing my fingers). i like the idea of living alone. nobody knows how proud i feel whenever i go to the grocery alone buying stuffs for my apartment. hay. i really love being independent.

i was hoping to post a picture of ponds' latest facial foam with salysilic acid. i saw its advertisement while watching my favorite soap (tayong dalawa). i made a mental note to buy one when i pass by watson's but had second thoughts when i remembered i recently bought the new nivea deep pore cleanser which i haven't used yet.

i added links here to the blogs that i am addicted to. i don't know personally the owners of those blogs but sure know them since almost all of them are celebrities and one is a sister of my colleague. the common interests we share made me a follower. the things they post from architecture, clothes, accessories, food, landscapes, places and other beautiful things plus the inspiring thoughts they write makes me dream more, hope more, aspire more and yes, sometimes drool. someday someday i will land in one of those lifestyle shows and they will feature my house, farm, business establishment, or luxury vacation house. hehe

there's this song from boyz II men that was playing in my head since yesterday. sort of last song syndrome. im pretty lucky i got the song in my iTunes. the title is water runs dry. i really love it. arrangement was nice. although the lyrics is a little sad and i can't relate to it as of pres time. i guess it's the voice quality and harmony that makes it really sounds good. the voice of boyz II men is timeless! i also love the new buble's song haven't met you yet. can't help but replay it 10x before i move on to the next track. hehe.

this camera i like. hmmm kelan kaya ako magkakroon ng ganito?

the , canon g11

>>