the proposal

yesterday, as i was passing time reading an old issue of a known broadsheet here, i stumbled upon this announcement. i hope this is not one of those endorsement tactics.


hay. nagagawa nga naman ng pag- ibig.

i hope he got a yes.




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my new pet pippo

please help me feed pippo, my pet hippopotamus. he only eats 10php coins. for donation, please leave a comment or you can feed him personally. thanks in advance.




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on this first day of august

the first news i got this morning is the death of the first woman president of the republic. and so i said a little prayer for her soul and thanked God for using her as an instrument to restore this country's democracy.

thank you madam ex- president.

i just got home an hour ago from a 24- hr duty in the hospital and as i check my blog, i was surprised that an old friend of mine left me a note although she didn't know who i was because i am using a pseudo. (devilish grin)

since she wrote to me on this blogger, its certain that she also keep an account here and had been writing here. just checked her page a while ago and i've felt something inside of me. i guess it was the distance... the nostalgia. for a moment i had a flashback and saw the long hallways of our old school... the friendships... the adventures... the ceremonies... the goodbyes... as we went on with our own lives we lost track of each other and after ten years we were able to find each other again through the death of a friend.

(i am happy too that i can catch up with them through reading their posts. i have an additional of 2 blogs to read. yey! i missed reading since my friend que stopped posting. i swear i've read everything he wrote there. im a self confessed fan of his blog. miss you, friend!)

i was reading my own post about the death of my friend and i was ashamed that two of my friends have written her long passages while i have written only 'goodbye' and 'thank you'. i am not being cold there. but yes, i did feel ashamed because we've been so close before. when i visited her on the first day of her wake, i talked to her as i looked at her in the 'box'. in my mind, i told her everything i wanted to tell her. tears didn't come out but there was this lingering pain in my chest seeing her like that (pain is much like having angina pectoris). i have been thinking of her weeks before her death. it broke my heart that we didn't get a chance to see each other again.

(to my two dear friends, i added you in my blogosphere for my convenience)



i hate you ex- girlfriend!

i do not know why this is happening to me again. is there a lesson that i have to learn here?

THE case scenario:
a guy likes me and is starting to show it
this guy has an ex girlfriend. its been a hundred years since they broke up
the ex- girlfriend knew her ex-boyfriend is eyeing on me
ex- girlfriend got jealous, realized she still love her ex- boyfriend
ex- girlfriend displays emotion again for her ex- boyfriend who is currently giving me sweet nothings
guy looks around and poof!
ex- boyfriend and ex- girlfriend aren't on 'EX'- status anymore
they are back in each other's arms again

and me? all i said is 'what the f...?' kaloka!

i mean, is heaven using me to make couples realize that they are for each other (oh dear Lord, why me????) i don't really like the guy as in 'REALLY' like him and that he's the one for me. well, he MIGHT be. but how will we know that if we didn't get the chance to go further?

hmmm... well maybe im beginning to like the guy. and maybe hoping he can be someone significant. he made me laugh sometimes. and it's supposed to be 'something' when someone makes you laugh. but i cannot win with past love affair. they already have that common ground we don't have yet.

now that this happened to me for the second time around, will i let this pass again and just think that he's not the one and someone else will come along? or stay in the battlefield and fight the tug of war? hmmm... im getting really irritated. hohummm for sure after a good meal at that greek resto i've been eyeing for weeks now and after a good night's sleep, i'll return to the carefree me again and choose the former. good bye lover boy. hope you and your then ex-girlfriend will be happy for a very long time.


food finds

i am beginning to fall in love again with food. D, my good friend and colleague gave me the addy of his sister's blogpage. she's been writing about the restos she's been to and rated them. i must say, she's giving me good advices where my palate will indulge. like her, i also wanted to try polish, portuguese, russian food, etc. my, my, my those pictures in her blog keeps me dreaming of FOOD!




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good bye maolin

to my dear friend maolin bustamante, who became my first ever best friend in school, i will miss you dearly.

until then...

please help us pray for her soul.

time

when you are a doctor, time is always a problem.
there were holidays that you cannot attend to, birthdays you failed to remember. monthsaries, anniversaries, get together parties... countless events that you failed to attend because you have to be in the hospital to save lives.
however, time in the hospital has always been fast. 7 days in a week is shorten down to 3- pre-duty, duty, and from duty. a cycle that is never meant to be broken. coz once you did, you will be in the hospital forever- serving perpetual duty.
the sad part of it is, no one who is not in the realm of the medical practice understood the cycle. and this misunderstanding has caused a lot of fights and bickering between couples or even friends.
unfair. yes it is. coz in our part, we were also robbed off that precious time we want to spend on  sleeping, eating more, shopping, traveling, spend time with family and friends or someone special. im wondering, has anyone, especially those who left us or fought with us thought about that?
and now, ive had a break going through the cycle. its been 8 months since i left.
looking back, i had a lot of plans on how to spend all these time that i have now. i have waited for this. and yet i cant do what i have planned.
coz i may have all the time now... but i have no one to spend it with.

my wedding to be

i'm watching the judy ann-ryan wedding special. they look so happy in love. sana i can have a wedding like them- simple, nontraditional, happy and fun.
lovely wedding.

in the middle of another crossroad

isa lang ang nasa isip ko the whole day. will i quit or not?
manghihinayang ba ko?
hmmm.....

D5 NSS or D5 0.3NaCL?

grabe. ibang iba pala ang buhay moonlighter. para kang jack of all trades. you treat every kind disease that knocks at your door. nakakatakot na nakaka taranta. most of the times i would just stare at my patients or the nurses. lost moments kung baga.

yung mga seniors ko eh for sure naloloka sa kin. hehe. naloloka din ako sa kanila. iba ang mga diagnosis na alam nila sa alam ko. may mga management na iba sa natutunan ko (like the IV fluids na tinuro sa min sa PCMC. sabi ng mga pedia fellows eh wag daw gagamit ng D5 0.3% pag nagreresuscitate).
everytime im in duty, it made me realize how much more i need to learn and master. coz when the ER door opened i should be snappy making my assessment and giving orders to the nurses. the weight of being the captain of the ship is surely heavy but challenging too. we don't know what cases we will be expecting when we enter the hospital coz every duty day is a different story.

the beginning of a new life

yehey! naayos na din ang internet namin. after 1 month of waiting, nakakapag internet na ko. namiss ko talaga to.

1 month na din nakalipas simula nung nakapasa ako ng boards. 2 weeks din akong naging bum and then after 1 day pagkatapos ng oathtaking, voila! may trabaho na ko.

naalala ko tuloy yung theme song ng sikat na movie...

"you changed my life in a moment and i'll never be the same again..."

passing the board exams really changed my life. now, i make my own money. now, people treat me differently. now, i am somebody.

now, hatid-sundo pa din ako ni kuya alex. ang aking dakilang driver.
salamat kuya. hehe

next month di mo na ko masusundo sa pupuntahan ko. hihihi ;)

thank you!

it was an uphill slope. im so glad that i made it. per syempre, i would have not done it without the prayers and support from my family and friends. super thank you sa inyong lahat.

To God be the glory!

Lord I offer my life to you. Everything I've been through, use it for your glory!"

my hopes, dreams, and wishes for 2009

its 20-0-9. time is really fast. this year is an important year for me. im gonna take the board exam this year and whatever the result is, it will gonna make a big impact on my life. well a lot of things depend on it. so my first wish for this year is that i may be able to pass the boards.
and the rest will follow.

what i'm gonna leave behind

• heartaches. ok this time i've got to be honest. i feel i'm still not really as in super over it. meron pa ring natitirang heartache. i guess it has something to do with the crying thing. i feel that i haven't cried enough. after the break up, i just had a day for the crying, the thinking, and the picking up the pieces. it happened on a pretty bad timing. life was so busy then. so after the exam, i promised to give myself time to heal and kick it out of my system.

• home. ok this is all about the growing up thing. i just feel that im too old to live with my 'rents. i wanna try to live on my own without receiving financial support from them. ayoko naman dumating yung panahon na kukunin nalang ako ng mapapangasawa ko sa bahay. gusto ko naman maranasan maging independent muna.
  

what i plan to do

• i so badly wanted change (as in physical change ito) so to really get it all started, i have to earn for myself. and of course to be able to do that, i have to accomplish my number one goal for this year. do you need to guess what it is? hmm.. it's really my key to everything. the make or break thing huh

• strengthen my relationship with God. during those rocky times with my ex, my relationship with God was also in a bad shape. i remember avoiding going inside the chapel. and at times, i dont anymore ask for His help and guidance. i became proud and hard headed. maybe because at the back of my mind i knew that if i kneel there in front of Him, i will feel all the hurt and i didn't want that. as time goes by, my absences on sunday masses became frequent and praying became less. and now i feel im too far away. two weeks ago, i found a book from the pink sisters in tagaytay entitled, healing presence of God. i plan to read and contemplate on it after the boards.

• work and live on my own.

• plan where my life is headed. like choosing a residency training program and choose where to settle.
  

• and definitely have a time to stop and smell the flowers. i really deserve that. don't you think?

of course, good health for my family and friends.
a prosperous new year to everyone!

----------addendum
i had a chat with a good friend of mine just before the year end and the topic was Big. i told him i'm dropping my hopes for him. he's not my Big anymore and i dont like to be carrie bradshaw na. hahahaha now this is getting silly. but after what happened after our common friend's son's christening, i realized i cannot force myself to redevelop my affection for him. my friend was arguing that i shouldn't totally shrug him off coz he seems to be a good catch. that leaves me into thinking, hey, didnt they tell me I AM the good catch. my point is, if im going to enter a relationship, the only reason for that is because we love each other and not because i can get something from him. love should be the only reason. and so as an inclusion to the above list, im putting Big to 'what i will leave behind' list.

when our eyes met again

i'm from- duty today. since it's sunday, i decided to go home to be with my family. as i was riding the fx, i thought of the scene that happened between me and the one i called my lover in one of my posts here.

i was the floater yesterday and my job is actually to do all the extra jobs outside the D.R. follow- up lab results, release blood for the patients admitted in the D.R., accompany patients to the xray or e.r. trauma in case of a referral, help the ward intern to do referrals, get food at the dietary, buy things for co-interns, residents, and clerk at the D.R. in short aliping sagiguilid.

so there i was walking in the hallways of the ground floor when our paths crossed. i was in a hurry and so was he. our eyes met. i was caught off-guard. i didn't know if im going to smile or greet him. i just stared. i guess he was caught off guard too. i saw the hesitation in his face.

he just stared at me too.

later, i learned that he was the e.r. officer of the day. our duty was getting really toxic. we were already running out of stechers. my friend who was at the I.E. (E.R.) asked me to talk to the ERO to limit patients which i eventually did after a series of deep breathing exercises.

it was casual... and meant nothing.


... back to the fx scene. as i reminisce what happened to me and that guy, i realized that i have something to thank him for. the liplocking thing was the confirmation of my freedom from the past. it was then that i realized that i am already (and truly) ok.

i know he didn't squeal our secret. kuya, being unaware of it, is enough proof for that. knowing him and his boastful, arrogant attitude, i am touched by what he did. maybe it's his way of saying that he truly appreciated the conversation we had at their quarters.

i guess the bottom line is, i felt ashamed of treating him as invincible. after all, he was nice to me din pala.

songs for you

for a few weeks now, ive been in a 'last song syndrome' mode. im singing from my most recent memory of the songs my ear caught somewhere. well some became my favorite since they depict what i feel for someone. hehe. theme song ang dating. here they go:

• sometimes i run/ sometimes i hide/ sometimes i'm scared of you/ but all i really want is to hold you tight/ treat you right/ be with you day and night/ baby all i need is time

• i hate how much i love you, boy/ i cant stand how much i need you/ i hate how much i love you boy/ and i just cant let you know/ that i hate that i love you so

• and i can't get you out of my dreams/now i know that you're a dangerous kind/ and your smile is tattooed on my mind.... yesterday i was feeling sad/ all i do today is trying to be brave/and no melody seems to soothe my mind/ and now i curse you for being so sweet and so kind
• So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless/Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny/ This loving feeling/Make me long for your kiss/ Go on (go on), go on (go on)/Yeah.../Come on

and here's the song on the top of my list:

• ang panalangin ko sa habang buhay/ makapiling ka/ makayakap ka/ yan ang panalangin ko/ at hindi papayag ang pusong ito/ mawala ka sa king piling/ mahal ko iyong dinggin

hay. this is really getting weird. it's a nice feeling having a crush once in a while. and its also kinda difficult knowing that the person i have a huge crush on is a total trash. oh well, truth bites. but hey, no one said i can't get kilig in secret. i would fantasize and dream that he's mr. perfect. he's my wish-to-be- perfect guy. i wouldn't hope though that i end up with him coz i know that would be the day that i will start cursing my life. haha. matalino na 'to!

==0==

madel and i started our review for the boards. since news that we got said the ongoing aug boards is really tough. especially anatomy. (i think im going to befriend moore. and really try to have a special relationship with him this time). we started with patho at the beginning of this month. i chose my baby robbins (im trying to read books over reviewers now that i still have the time. focusing on topics or subjects that i'm not good at) and lend her my brs since her sister's still using theirs for her boards. well im nearly towards the end of the book and according to my sched, i should finish it by tomorrow. by monday i'll have pharma. hmm... im sticking on my sched. and so far so good.

We always want to have the perfect things. We look in every alley, in every corner, in every pocket, in every store of that something that we consider as perfect. I, for example, would not just go from every stall but from mall… to mall… to mall… just to find the perfect pair of shoes. We always want to attain the perfect things in this imperfect world. And so this is also the case when we’re looking for that person to love. We set a certain standard that the opposite sex must have or attain before we give him/her the title ‘the perfect one for me.’ Sometimes these standards were hard to find. Sometimes they don’t exist in just one person. Sometimes they don’t even exist at all. And so time flies and with every not so lucky guy that passes us by, we wonder, Will there be really a man that will fit our standards? When will Mr. prince charming come? Sometimes we get too preoccupied with these standards that we don’t notice what were missing. And then the guy that could have been the perfect one passes us by… and end up to another girl’s arms (…or lap hehe). And then that’s the only time we get to notice what we have just let slipped away… just when we do not anymore have the chance.
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Ok lang ba magpropose ang girl sa boy? As in ok lang? sa opinion ko, hindi ako sang- ayon dun. Masyado kase makapal yun. Isa pa walang challenge yun para sa guy. Ipakita mo naman na you’re worth to be treasured kase pinag hirapan ka. Isang araw pag naging ex ka nya, isipin mo na lang kung pano nya yun ikukwento sa iba. Na naging kayo kase ikaw nag propose. Haha. Hindi ba mejo masakit isipin na pano kaya kung hindi mo ginawa yun, magiging kayo kaya? Kung hindi ka kumilos, gagawa kaya sya ng paraan para maging kayo? Maaari kayang napilitan lang sya? O ayaw lang nya na mapahiya ka dahil kahit papano may pinagsamahan na din kayo? Hmm. Di ba mas nakakalito? Mas mahirap makita kung ano ba talaga yung tunay na damdamin nya para sayo? Mas mahirap malaman kung talagang handa na syang makipagrelasyon ulit? Hay nako. Iba na talaga panahon ngayon. Nananalo ang babaeng agresibo.