things i realized today

1. mahirap magkasakit pag- toxic.
2. mas mahirap pag hindi lang isa ang sakit mo.
3.. mas lalong mahirap pag may sakit ka na, may pasok ka pa. . . kahit sabado.
4. nakakbwiset makinig ng am radio pag- umaga. puro sentationalism maririnig mo.
5. damn, i hate those politicians! can't they understand? what we need now is UNITY.
6. matigas ang mga ulo nila kaya ayaw makinig.
7. puro pansarili lang concern nila.
8. wala silang kwenta
9. corny mga doctors. especially the older ones. mag- joke ba naman ng 'describe ike lozada - large, circular, and with wrist drop' (as in bading) whahaha. walang kwenta.
10. nagbago na si elaine. marunong na syang magmura.

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harhar

i rode a jeep that has a sign hanging at the end of the rope (yung hinihila pag papara ka.) that reads,

'hila mo, i- stuff ko'

harharhar

in a game show... the host asked the 2 contestants, 'anong ibig sabihin ng E sa P.E.? one of them slapped the buzzer but didn't give any answer. as in tulala ang drama. the other one did a steal and answered,

'exercise.'

bad trip.

cyber me

Best left for Germany yesterday. he won’t be around for two weeks. I remember, the first time he went out of the country, he was nagtatampo coz I wasn’t able to text him. At least now I was able to bid him goodbye and bon voyage.

School started out just fine though I got a bit uncomfortable when I attended my radiology class and saw my old classmates again. I can sense they’re having a jump start. I’ve been speculating how I’ll go about this semester. I’ve been looking at my lists of workload for all of my subjects as they have already given their syllabus. Pretty busy. I was also elected as the assistant sexy—er secretary of our class. I have five pages of name lists which have to be arranged as soon as I get my hands on my own pc. It’s nice because I still have a long vacation starting tomorrow since the good president decided to make monday a holiday. Hehe. Just enough time to look for a nice research topic and some advance reading. And of course, computer work for the class hehe. I hope I won’t have time to become idle. Sige lang, WORK, CONSUME ME! Make me your slave. Don’t let my mind slip into dreamland or think of what lies ahead… or beneath?

----posted in cybermed, the official online station of my dear school

walang hanggang paalam

do you know this song? this one's a favorite of elaine, ate aileen, and me when we were in tiples dorm. just remembering the good old days. i miss my bud.

di ba tayo'y narito
upang maging malaya
at upang palayain ang iba
ako'y walang hinihiling
ika'y tila ganoon din
sadya'y bigyang-laya ang isa't-isa

ang pag-ibig natin ay
walang hanggang paalam
at habang magkalayo
papalapit pa rin ang puso
kahit na magkahiwalay
tayo ay magkasama
sa magkabilang dulo ng mundo

ang bawat simula ay
siya ring katapusan
may patutunguhan ba
ang ating pagsinta
sa biglang tingin
kita'y walang kinabukasan
subalit di-malupig ang pag-asa

ang pag-ibig natin ay
walang hanggang paalam
at habang magkalayo
papalapit pa rin ang puso
kahit na magkahiwalay
tayo ay magkasama
sa magkabilang dulo ng mundo

this pinoy song is one of those 'tagos sa buto.' i guess ganun talaga effect pag tagalog. :)

school starts on monday. don't think i'm already prepared for it. i'm still used to my couch potato attitude. hay, don't have time anymore for warm up. goodluck to me!

Single and Fabulous

I watched a Sex and the City's episode, 'They Shoot Single People, Don't They?' I also asked their questions to myself. Questions like, 'is faking it better than being alone?' or are we faking being happy being single?' thinking about them still amuse me. I knew everything wrong about single-blessedness before I entered a relationship and almost everything right about it now that I'm out of it ('almost' kse hindi pa naman masyadong katagalan hehehe).
Maybe God just wanted me to experience the difference of a complicated and a peaceful life so that when I get back to the latter, I will treasure it. (but i'm no hypocrite to say that sometimes i do miss being attached.)

Now I know why you can't have everything, all at the same time. because it makes things complicated for you to enjoy them. I'm learning :b

I'm single and fabulous exclamation point.

Now I can Dance

some of the songs that i have posted here may have created (again) some sort of commotion. i do not wish to receive any hate comments again. hahaha! if you don't like it then don't read it. sorry, but i don't need that extra attention. give it to the others. they couldve thanked you for it. hahaha!

by the way, this one i'm posting for a purpose.

.

So I hope this finds you well

Sun is shining down eastern valley ways

There's some news I need to tell you

Give my Mother a kiss

Tell her I'm ok

I recall her words

"If it's too easy

It never lasts

I have compromised

But I'm finally free of the past

Now I can dance

Clouds have all disappeared

Freedom

I hold so dear

Cause nobody knows me here

Though I can only imagine the sadness

In your eyes

Please understand

Now I can dance

All alone the other night

I came to realise we'd be friends for life

It was always meant to be

For some people the heavens can get it so right

Like an angel you see

You have graciously offered a hand

You'd be so proud of me

Now I'm finally taking a stand

Now I can dance

Clouds have all disappeared

Freedom I hope so dear

Cause nobody knows me here

Though I can only imagine the sadness

In your eyes

Please understand

Now I can dance

Now I can dance

Now I can dance

Clouds have all disappeared

Freedom I hope so dear

Cause nobody knows me here

Though I can only imagine the sadnessyou eyes

Please understand

Now I can dance

Though I can only imagine the sadness

In your eyes

Please understand

Now I can dance

So I hope this finds you well

Sun is shining down eastern valley ways

So good

Be free

Can dance and laugh and just be me

So good

Be free

The clouds above have disappeared

Chacal

I finished reading Frederick Forsyth's The Day of the Jackal. It's a story of a professional assassin who was hired by the leftist to kill the president of France and change the course of history. I wanted them to succeed and liberate their country from the hands of a traitor. The assassin's masterplan was truly remarkable. I was so impressed. I guess that is one of the greatest novel I have ever read. Carefully researched. Some of the sentences though where written in French since the story mostly took place in France. I think I'm going to reread them again when I learn the language of the parisians J . Ang galing talaga. Truly a must- read.

the best things in life...

i was badly injured when i got home from our pilgrimage in Quezon- Laguna last thursday. my right ankle was swollen. Friday when i woke up, the right side of my back was so painful then my head started to hurt too at noon.the pain was too great that i can hardly drag my self off from bed to get some medicine.the slightest movement gave a jolt of pain in my head and back.afternoon came and i was already having fever and my breathing was shallow and rapid. buti na lang, mom came to the rescue and gave me a strong dose of ibuprofen. that was the most painful i've ever had experience in my whole life that i thought at that moment, it was the end of me.

the swelling subsided a little bit already and i can go down the stairs now with ease. it wasn't a sprain though. mom thought a bug bit me but my theory was that i had adverse reaction from the antibiotics i was taking for my pharyngitis (it had erythema on its list which is a red nodular lesion on the skin. and a lot more on the list i have experienced also but didn't mind. i just realized everything now. so please, when an emergency happened to me, forewarn the doctor not to give me Klarmyn, generic name: Clarythromycin). i felt a nodule just above my ankle the other day and i pressed it. the next day, the swelling started. now ive learned my lesson. the next time i felt something hard, don't press it. hehehehe
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yep, i've watched the last of the star wars series 'the return of the sith' with papsi and tina last tuesday in glorietta. it may be the last get together we have before school starts. i admit i don't post every 'lakad' the three of us make but it doesn't mean i don't appreciate their company. they're like family to me (and their families also). i miss the old times when the three of us go home together from school and talk the whole night about anything or everything under the sun as if we haven't seen each other for years... it's hard to find good and real friends like them. i know i'll be missing them more when i get to clerkship. hay, ce'st la vie. anywhere you two maybe, may the force be with you always.

as for me, i know i'll forever be grateful for having both of them in my life. 'coz 'the best things in life are three.'

'the sweetest songs...

... are those that tell of saddest things'

Sometimes i sit at home and wonder how it'd be
If he had loved me
Truly loved me yes
I learned a while ago that kind of thing
Never happens for me
And so i go around
And just pretend
Loving life for me
I play the circus clown around my friends
Make them laugh and they won't see
That you never let them see you sweat
Don't want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

So i put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I'm laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause i'm dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

Sing it la la la la

Sometimes i sit at home
By the phone hoping he might call me
But he don't call me
But then i realize
Dreams come true aren't for girls like me
Not like me
And so i go around with my head up
Like it ain't no thing
And when the boys around with all my friends
I'm into other things
Because you never let them see you sweat
Don't want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

So i put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I'm laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause i'm dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

It's not an easy (thing)
Sometimes it's hard to (face the truth)
It's not the life that i would choose (that i would choose)
But what else can i do?
If he don't love me
If he don't want me
I'm not about to sit around
Let myself go

When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
And if you keep falling down don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

I can make it through the rain
And I live once again
And I live one more day
And I can make it through the rain
(Yes you can)
You will make it through the rain

Bakit ba...

... andaming reklamo ng mga tao? samantalang kung ikukumpara nila ang mga sarili nila sa iba, aba, maswerte pa rin sila.
... kelangang mainggit? e2 talagang hindi ko maintindihan. dapat nga ako pang mainggit sa kanila. sa totoo lang, ayoko ng buhay ko sa ngayon. papano ba naman hanggang ngayon, umaasa pa rin ako sa mga magulang ko. inaamin ko na nahihiya ako tuwing manghihingi ako sa kanila. pano, kung hindi na ko nag- aaral ngayon e di sana kaya ko nang buhayin ang sarili ko at hindi ko na kelangang umasa.
...nakakainis sila? andami dyan hindi nakapag- tapos ng pag-aaral pero hayun, kumakayod. Pinapasok kahit anong trabaho para lang mabuhay. pero hayun, may iba na mas gusto pa ring umasa. at worse, may iba na kahit na kumamayod na, gusto pa ring umasa. kung pinili kong magtrabaho, hindi ako tutulad sa kanila. iisa lang naman talaga ang gusto ko dati pa, ang maging independent. yung secured ako sa sarili ko na kahit sino pang dumating o umalis, kaya kong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa. walag inaasahang iba. hindi ko naman gustong mag- isa. pero kung pipili ako ng role between tumutulong at tinutulungan, dun na ko sa una. hanggat makakaya ko gagawin ko yun.

sana lang matauhan naman sila... marealize nila na maswerte sila.
oo, nagrereklamo din ako kung minsan dahil hindi lahat meron ako. pero sa tuwing mangyayari yon, inaalala ko lahat ng blessings ko. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. at dahil don, narerealize ko na wala pala akong dapat ireklamo. dapat pa nga akong magpasalamat dahil maswerte pa pala ako.

maswerte ka din. masyado ka lang preoccupied sa pagpuna sa iba kaya hindi mo nakikita kung anong meron ka.

(hay, i guess marami lang nangyari ngayong araw na to na kelangang ilabas. e ano pa nga bang silbi ng blog na to kundi yon di ba?)

Emotions...

It's over and done
But the heartache lives on inside
And who is the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that i need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go (go)
Cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart

It's just emotion's taking me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in my song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Dont you know there's nobody left in this world
To hold me tight
Dont you' know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side,
A part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to go find your shining star

And where are you now, now that i need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart

It's just emotion that's taking me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Dont you know there's nobody left in this world
To hold me tight
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

And where are you now, now that i need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart

It's just emotion that's taken me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Nobody left in this world
To hold me tight
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

Let me call you sweetheart

(written yesterday, May 19, 2005 at 7.30 am. Unfortunately, I ran out of internet card so I wasn't able to post it then.)

I'm sick. I woke up this morning with a sore throat and a slight headache. Natuluyan na kong magkasakit. I thought it was tonsilitis but when I checked on the mirror, my tonsils aren't inflamed. My pharynx though is red plus my uvula and pillars have mild vasculitis. My posterior cervical lymph nodes are also swollen and tender. My voice changed too.I haven't checked my temperature yet but I'm sure I also have mild fever. I checked my books for the causative agent and it reads 'pharyngitis with fever, swollen lymph nodes and exudates- most common cause of infection are group A streptococcus and Epstein Barr virus.' I don't think I have mono since my exudates is purulent suggesting a bacterial infection. Hay, Strep throat na naman….

I guess one of the reasons I got sick was the weather. This is one of the hottest summers I have experienced. Tapos uulan pa pag hapon. Hay nako, nakakaloka talaga.

Nahamugan ata ako the other day… Papsi, Tina and I were supposed to have a Star Wars Marathon but plans changed. We just went to Crossings for their summer sale. I wasn't able to buy anything except for the foot socks I've seen from my sister, Dabsy. I didn't have money and besides, if I have it I wont spend it for those branded items that were still uber mahal even on sale. There was a heavy downpour just before we decided to leave so we stayed a little bit more and resume our kwentuhan. May ambon pa din nung umalis kami kaya siguro …

Mom's pa- raffle is scheduled this morning. I think they are having it already as I type this entry. It's just two blocks away but nah, I'll just stay here and continue typing. I still have to call some people later and cancel some appointments.

I wanted to go to the mall later this afternoon to buy some stuffs. I'm running out of body wash and I'm not really accustomed using soap for shower. But then, I have to cancel that too.

I think it was also a blessing in disguise on Papsi's part that I wasn't able to join them in their Bolinao adventure. My condition would be a big K.J. Anyways, enjoy na lang kayo!

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I was invited to the birthday party of my lola's sister in my Ate Nene's house. But then again, I have to beg off. My headache's getting terrible. Sayang, coz that's a good opportunity for me to congratulate my Ate Nene personally. We go to the same med school and she just graduated last April. Anyways, congratulations, Dr. Florita Policarpio! (I just learned from mom that she was given a brand new Vios by her parents as a graduation gift. Wow, congrats ulit!)

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I haven't written about Neil's thanksgiving party last week. Galing talaga magluto ni Neil! Hehe. Sayang lang coz only a few in our high school barkada attended including yours truly. We had drinking session when most of the people have left. The boys were careful not to take in too much alcohol coz they have work the following day. They contented themselves having one shot each of Black Label and a few bottles of San Mig Light. I didn't join them really coz I don't like the taste of beer. I had red wine instead- a bottle of it- all for myself hehehe. I was amused scanning Neil's collection of Time magazine that I didn't noticed I had been drinking a lot. The wine was actually a prize Neil won from a bet he had with Kokoy. Hay nako, mas malakas pa rin ang prayers namin na papasa sya ng boards kaya ayan tuloy, natalo ka hehehe.

Congratulations ulit, Engr. Neil Bryan Adulta!

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I haven't finished reading my first Mary Higgins Clark novel. I was a little frustrated about it. Well maybe my interest is just different. I like novels that has art/culture/ geography/ history involved like Dan Brown's Angels and Demons and Da Vinci Code or Erich Segal's Acts of Faith. But I must say, still, Mary Higgins Clark writes beautifully. And I love the title - Let Me Call You Sweetheart. Hehe mukhang magandang terms of endearment. sweetheart...

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my headache and sore throat are getting worse. I better go back to bed…

hot summer

grabeng init! i've been going out of the house for almost a week now. katulad ngayon, andito ko sa U.P. diliman, nagpapa- photocopy at bookbind. halos masunog na ang balat ko. hindi na ko magtataka kung magka- skin cancer ako.

nag- enroll na ko! hehe. actually, nakakalungkot kase nalaman ko na wala na pala kong bakasyon next summer. akala ko kase may one month pa ko. medyo nagpanick din ako huh. ngayon ko lang narealize na ang dami ko pa palang dapat ayusin.

school starts april 25 next sy. parang gusto kong makita lahat ng friends ko at isa- isa silang yakapin. i know i'll be missing them a lot. halos isa't kalahating taon din akong 'mawawala'. i guess my happy go lucky days are over coz sooner, i'll be facing the REAL world that i have chosen. i hope i'll survive it.

oh buble!

he is truly the king of croon
...sing me to sleep

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

the boyish next door ...

i had a bonding session with dad and bro today. i helped them replace the front signal lights. dad and i joined forces in unscrewing stubborn bolts due to rust. it was fun soiling our hands and sweat profusely. after a tiring job, we feasted on mom's special rice cake and halo- halo. what a life!

a few days ago, i was thinking of texting my driving school about the schedule in trouble shooting. i realized, why wait for it when i can learn from the expert. people little know that dad, though doing ECE stuffs overseas, is actually a mecahnical engineer. i was really happy he still remember everything about engines. i guess it's because he knew it by heart.

about the title, it seeems i'm one of the boys again. :) only that i was wearing my cutesy pink dress while doing the boys stuff. haha! hindi talaga ko mapapagkamalang boy. masyado kong kikay to be one.

this is my last week of vacation. yep, back to work again next week.