psyche sub group

these too shall pass

i do not intend to be a snob nor to hurt anybody's feelings for not returning text messages that were sent to me. i know you all care for me a lot but please do know, that inspite of all these things that i'm going through, i truly appreciate your thoughtfulness. you may have known that my relationship is going through tough times and i would not deny that i am deeply hurting because of it. the past has taught me a lot of things and now is the time to show that i have learned a lesson- that running away was never the solution. it may have saved me from grief for sometime but it didn't save me from living each day without a regret... the regret of not doing everything. and that hurts much much more. i am saying this not because i wanted you to understand me. you do not have to.but at least know where i stand. i know that i cannot guarantee that i will succeed in the end and knowing that, i also have to be prepared for the worse...

sabi nga nila: when it rains, it pour. i didn't know it can be a double- edged sword.

clerkship gave me a lot of my first. and one of them is getting a recommendation for dismissal. i do not want to discuss the details nor explain to defend what our subgroup did. for now i just wanted to leave it as that.

can i keep this distance for a few days more? somehow the silence gives me a lot of room to think and in a way gives me space away from the world. i cannot think about the future now. i live one day as it comes. that much i can only take for now.

please help me pray.

Lasing sa asukal

yan ang nangyari sa min ni papsi kagabi. i went to his new apartment and we had a little post celebration of my birthday in sm san lazaro. we ate cake and ice cream which i believe i was not able to finish eating. we both felt dizzy afterwards. i swear, i wont be eating ice cream and cake in one sitting for a very long time.

remembering medicine

internal medicine was my first toxic rotation. just like to share my previous experiences before it went to oblivion

• parang buong hospital ang hawak ko. monitor dito, monitor doon. para na kong robot. sa sobrang dami, hindi ka pa tapos sa lahat, q1 ka na ulit.
• lima lang kaming magkaka- group sa duty. kulang pa kami para magmonitor ng buong hospital. pano na lang pag may E.R. call? it happened to us one time. at isa lang sa min ang nagbantay ng buong ward (pay at service).
  
• golden rule pag duty: wag kumain ng pansit, spaghetti, lomi, o kahit anong mahaba pag duty kundi magiging toxic ang duty mo. beware. this never fail.
• duty ako ng december 25 at january 31. sa ICU/CCU ako nun. honestly, naiyak ako sa sobrang lungkot.. at muntik na magutom dahil wala ng delivery ng food pagsapit ng gabi.
• first time ko gumawa ng IV insertion at co- clerk ko ang nagturo sa kin kung pano. first time ko din naglagay ng NGT at co- clerk ko pa rin ang nagturo kung pano.
  

RMC

• first outside rotation ko ang RMC (Rizal Medical Center) duty from duty status kami dun. as in every other day lang na ligo at every other day na tulog.
• wala kaming pgi nung nasa RMC kami kaya sobrang kawawa kami dun. huhuhu. hindi kami nagkikita nung partner ko pano ba naman, post namin ER at ward. (kung may intern sana ward lang kami pareho ng partner ko)
  
• ward work in rmc: insertion ng IV, ngt, catheter, push ng mannitol, monitoring ng more than a hundred patients, extraction, CTT monitoring at bottle replacement, cardiac massage, ambubagging ng pay ward, service ward at ICU
  
• ER work in RMC: same as above except for CTT monitoring and mannitol push, history and PE, gumawa ng request for diagnostics, magreseta, at mag- dispose ng patients. good and bad thing is magka- level lang kami ng resident ko ng trabaho.
• sa ER post, kain bid (twice a day), urine output od (once a day), tulog--- tulog???? kahit upo wala.
  
• OPD pag from duty. mga 200 to 300 patients per day doon. usually, 3 lang kaming nandoon- ako, co- clerk ko, at isang resident. pero 3pm or 4 kami nakakauwi. pano namin nagagawa yon? hehe isang minuto bawat pasyente. history-labs- reseta- dispose. pantay- pantay lang kami ng trabaho.
• all in all natuto akong maging mabilis sa RMC... at oo nga pala, natuto rin ako gumamit ng ecg machine.

EAST AVENUE MEDICAL CENTER

• isa lang po ang ecg machine at ang bagal pa nya.
  
• hindi na kailangang magmonitor. silipin mo lang ang mga rooms.
• you really have to check your patients dahil baka magulat ka na lang nag- aarest na pala sila... which happens most of the time
• masarap ang cake sa East Ave!
• first time ko sumakay ng ambulance. nagconduct ako ng patient sa isang CT scan center.
  
• first time ko nakapag- arterial extraction and i successfully got a sample.
• isang linggo ako nagduty dito at araw- araw ako nag- CPR.
  

feeling blue on my birthday

• dryn left for australia yesterday. he's going to study there until december of this year. he'll be home right after to prepare for his wedding on january next year. his fiance' and i will get in touch while he's away so i can help her for the wedding. i dont know how will i be able to do that. i have no idea about weddings. but i really hope i can help her
  
• my relationship has becoming rough these days. hay. rather not talk about it
• me and my boyfriend's sister are textmates. she has no idea what's happening to her brother and me...and it's better that way.
• my cousin passed the physician's licensure exam. hay salamat.
  
• it's my birthday today. im quarter of a century old... and my favorite color for today is blue
  

im back in home base

• my rotation in national center for mental health ended last feb 14. we gave a party for our patients in zonta- shangrila. it was nice to see them having fun. i didn't have a date last valentine but those people made my valentines worthwhile. (jemay and i had an early valentines date)
  

• im still in my psychiatry rotation. i'll be serving for two weeks more but this time, it's in feu hospital. life is so benign here. as in our only everyday dilemma is where and what to eat for lunch. ang benign di ba?
  

• ill be celebrating my birthday in a couple of days and i'll be turning a quarter- of- a- century- old. two years ago i planned that if i reached that age, i will be more health conscious. i have a strong family history of hypertension so i really have to watch my health. i still wanted to see my kids grow and have their own family. and considering the career that i have chosen, starting a family will be a little bit later for me. so starting thursday, i'll be eating meat and oily foods in moderation until i learn to get it out of my system. hay. its goodbye lechong baboy and chicharon for me.

• last saturday, i had an early birthday celebration with my parents. we went to tagaytay and had a nice lunch in viewsite restaurant. originally, we planned to go to calaruega in nasugbu, batangas after we drive my sister, dabsy, and her officemates to canyon woods. but since we have to wait until 2 pm in picnic grove before we bring them there, we decided to have a joy ride instead and just enjoy the view and the cool breeze of the place. tagaytay' s picnic grove has a new spot called 'picnic village.' its a pretty nice place where you can buy a lot of novelty items, eat, or play arcades. what i really loved was the cozy lunch we had in viewsite restaurant. it's a big veranda overlooking the lake. i was very overwhelmed when i saw how close you can see the taal volcano. it's really breath taking. a trio (2 guitarists and one plays a cello) go around from table to table and sing for their customers. not so many people dine there so it wasnt really toxic for them to do it. and you can even request for songs for them to play for you. they were really good in singing spanish songs so my dad requested one for me. its really a romantic place. so friends, if you later on decide to propose to your girl, it's one of the romantic place i highly recommend. just make sure to plan it when there's sunlight coz she'll miss the view at night or if its foggy. food was good. they let you pick your fish of choice and they will cook it the way you wanted (parang "dampa" restaurant). the only drawback is, the food costs really much (its like dining in a five star hotel). but considering the ambiance and all, its worth it naman.

• future plans. ive been thinking lately a lot about my future plans. so far, i havent made a concrete plan yet but im getting there. im towards reaching a turning point in my life and i know that whatever my decision now will greatly affect my future. its sad that i cannot please everybody but then i know that if i will not make my own choice, im going to regret it for the rest of my life.

psyche out

im in a new rotation. i'll be serving in psychiatry for 1 month. for my first two weeks, i'll be in the national center for mental health in mandaluyong. it's pretty scary being there for the first time. it seems to me that anybody not in white uniform is a psycho. i was assigned in the pediatric pavilion named zonta- shangrila. zonta is the pavilion for girls and shagrila for boys. i'll be working only in shangrila though together with my partner. yesterday, i was assigned in the out patient department and i got to examine a lot of patients with "undifferentiated schizophrenia." and i also got to do a complete physical exam in a patient who was for admission. scary. really. physical exam for a mentally challenged person is different. i have to work behind my patient for security purposes- to avoid being spitted/kicked/punched. today, i'll be on my first duty. i may be assigned in the ER or the ACIS (dont ask me what it stands for. i dont know either. what i know is that those patients who were previously seen in the ER and are for admission are placed there first). i just wish my partner and i will have the same post. and hopefully go home alive tomorrow. hehe

classics:
me: kelan kayo nagagalit
px: pag tulog ako
---
intern: kumain ka na ba?
px: ayokong kumain
intern: bakit?
px: sumasakit tyan ko
intern: bakit sumasakit tyan mo?
px: kasi hindi ako kumakain:
intern: bakit di ka kumakain?
px:kasi sumasakit tyan ko... doc, tama na. wag nyo na po ako tanungin.
intern: bakit?
px: napupwersa kase utak ko sa tanong nyo e.
------
Kwentong ROBOT

Rx
Biperiden 2mg/tab

Sig:
uminom ng isang tableta para sa reaksyon sa gamot katulad ng pagrorobot, paglalaway, at paninigas ng panga.

-----
px: doc, ayoko ng inumin yan. nagrorobot ako e. ang hirap maglaba pag
nagrorobot.
me: (i can only imagine. laughs)

there's more to come.

DNR DNI

my patient died just as i was about to leave the hospital. he's a 26 year old male who has community acquired pneumonia- high risk. upon x- ray, his lungs showed lobar pneumonia, right middle and lower lobes. i took care of him for 4 days and i've been pretty close with him and his wife. it was pretty disappointing that we were not able to save his life... sayang talaga sya. he's young, laging smiling face kahit hirap na huminga. this morning, he went to arrest and was luckily revived. nakakiyak kanina habang inaambubag ko sya. kinakausap sya ng nanay nya. sinasabi sa kanya na humingi sya ng tawad sa dyos... na wag syang mag- alala dahil hindi nya papabayaan yung anak nya (he has a 1 year old kid)... na mahal na mahal sya ng nanay nya... i wanted to cry with her then. but i knew that i was not suppose to do that... i was asking myself then, how do you shut yourself from all those anguish and sorrow happening right before your eyes. how do we deny ourselves of being HUMAN?


(DNR- do not resuscitate DNI- do not intubate )

first rotation sucks

i am so pissed off with dcfm. sobra silang mag- power tripping!!! at malas mo pa pag babae ka. syempre, ang mga single blessedness pabor sa mga guys. those bitches... hay nako. mabuti na lang, papa material yung ka- duty ko. dahil sa kanya naabswelto kami sa mga "kasalanan" daw namin. ewan ko ba, ginagawa mo naman ang tungkulin mo, demerit pa din inaabot mo. its so UNFAIR!!! hay. mabuti na lang mabait yung mga kassama naming mga regulars. sila tga- sabi ng "ok lang yan, wag ka masyadong magpaapekto." hay nako, wish ko lang paggising ko october 2007 na.

CLERKSHIP: ang drama sa likod ng pangarap

.
CLERK NA KO!!!!

yehey! sa wakas, pagkatapos ng isang buwan na exams, eto na ang resulta ng mahigit tatlong taon kong paghihirap sa institute of medicine. simula sa october 1, hospital na ang magiging classroom ko, conference na ang magiging lecture ko at pasyente na ang magiging teacher ko.

pasensya na wala na ko maisip. parang lumulutang pa din ako. :)

salamat sa inyong lahat. salamat sa Our Lady of Mt. Carmel.

thank you din, pedia for passing me.

the beginning of super toxic weeks

im reviewing for the final exams for next week. i just thought of surfing the net to find out if my cousin passed the physician's licensure exam which just ended this monday. i really hope she passed even if all the eyes will be on me afterwards. whether she made it or not, the pressure will still be on me. expected na yun e. ganun yata talaga pag may nauuna sayo. either they expect you follow their footsteps or do better than they did.

i'm gonna live in a dorm again. i should have moved last thursday but our laundry woman didn't work for a week now. my mom got a reliever just yesterday so my uniforms wouldnt be ready until this afternoon. i'll be moving tomorrow morning. i guess i'll just hail a cab to get my things just like a city girl in the movies hehehe.. only my mom's gonna be paying for the rent and my allowance. hay. i wish i my finals will turn out well so that i can have my clerkship this october.

(okey, i've just seen the list of board passers from PRC. my cousin didn't make it =(... hmmm..)

wish me luck. and pray for me.


and paps, hindi ka nag- iisa.

pedia, please pass me too.

latest addiction

stars are blind
i didn't know paris hilton can sing

and so here it goes...

after a loooong time, im blogging again. i know i owe a LOT of kwento to all of you guys. sorry. ive been super busy since school started. well, ive been doing ok. i feel good that midterms almost over. i can now watch t.v. and sleep more than the usual '2- 3 hour- sometimes- none'. school will be over by september and i am really really nervious and that's not because of clerkship but because of the things i have to catch up just to get to it. oh well, thats lot of superlatives already.

jeezz, i miss everbody. paps and tina, how are you doing? i havent seen you guyz for a long time now. i hope we can go out on the sem break. just the three of us.

the 'kwento' is, dryn and i went out a couple of times. uhmm...just to clarify, it's not like were 'dating'. my baby and i are still very much together. (oi, defensive. hahaha. landi!)

dryn got a car already. he's scared to drive alone so he's been inviting friends to have joy rides with him. well, the first time we went out with his car was when he fetched me after my night duty in obstetrics which was uh a couple of months ago(halata naman puyat sa pic, di ba?). it was a day of a lot of FIRSTS. we had breakfast in chocolate kiss (in bahay ng alumni) and drove around UP Diliman. it was my first time to eat there and it was his first time to drive around the campus. we had a pretty serious talk over breakfast. im happy he's moved on. he's dating somebody and as i see it, he's serious about the girl. i haven't met the girl yet. we were supposed to have a double date at imax but everybody got a little busy and dryn is in germany for a couple of weeks. he drove me home afterwards (first time he drove to bulacan) and we had lunch there.

the second time was in eastwood. wala lang. naisipan lang naming lumabas dahil wala kaming ganang mag- aral. nakakatuwa lang isipin na nagiging comfortable na kaming pag- usapan yung mga relationships namin. that's what weve been talking about most of the time while strolling the patios of eastwood.

ayun. pagkatapos nun, mongha na naman ako. i was tied with my books coz i have to prepare for midterms.

how about you guys? how have you been doing?

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anong bago sa friendster?

i always get the shock of my life whenever i visit friendster. hay naku, kung meron mang pinakamagandang source ng personalized chismis, friendster na yun. katulad ngayon, na- shock ako ng makita ko yung dalawang classmates ko nung high school na nagkatuluyan at may baby na. syet. hindi talaga ko makapaniwala. kelan pa naging sila? hah. feeling ko im so left out. para kong nasa bundok na walang kaalam alam sa mga nangyayari sa lupa. hay.


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latest addiction

hoyyy! nanonood ba kayo ng wedding? hindi yung sa simbahan ha. ang ibig kong sabihin yung koreanovela sa channel 2 pag saturday at sunday ng tanghali. hay grabe. kumpleto linggo ko pag napapanood ko yun. ganda talaga. feeling ko minsan nakaka- relate ako sa love story nila. gusto ko si xena kase napaka- kikay nya at mahilig sa pink. at si darren din ang type kong guy. hay. nakaka- inlove talaga yung love stroy ng dalawang 'to. PRAMIS!

lost in track... trying to get back (and hoping its not yet too late)

this semester is taking especially hard. i dont know if im the only one who feels tired and sleepy all the time. as in hindi na ko makapag- aral. it got to the point that i cried because i feared i failed one stupid prelim that probably most of my classmates had a perfect score.

right now, im getting back to the student i was last semester. this is my first day of my new study schedule. sana tuluy- tuloy na to..




by the way, milord, you look good in v- neck. :)

hi, im back!

i feel so drained... it's the sixth day of my prelim.hay. hindi ko alam kung maayos yung mga sagot ko kanina sa gyne. pagod na pagod na talaga ko. hmm... konti na lang. sige pa konting tiis pa. tatlong bwan na lang naman matatapos na ang paghihirap na ito.... at mag- uumpisa na ang panibagong mas mahirap na paghihirap... hay... pero at least wala na ko sa IM nun... gradweyt na sa buhay classroom...

last saturday, i watched da vinci code ... finally nakanuod na rin ako. nakakalungkot lang na hindi ako sa gateway nakanood as what was originaly planned. kase naman hanggang 5 pa yung exam ko at talgang pagod na ko.

hmmm.. sabi ko nga madami na kong kwento. pero sorry. wala pa ko talaga sa mood. ayaw na ng utak kong mag- isip... huminto na ata... hehehe... antok na antok na kasi ako e. naku, bukas pala may report pa ko sa applied nutrition... at hindi pa nga pala tapos ang first prelim. meron pa akong mga exam na na-moved for this week. i still have applied nutrition (exam) on thurs and community and family med on friday... which reminds me... may report pa pala ako ng surgery preceptorial class sa friday. hay, buhay third year talaga. toxic !