D5 NSS or D5 0.3NaCL?

grabe. ibang iba pala ang buhay moonlighter. para kang jack of all trades. you treat every kind disease that knocks at your door. nakakatakot na nakaka taranta. most of the times i would just stare at my patients or the nurses. lost moments kung baga.

yung mga seniors ko eh for sure naloloka sa kin. hehe. naloloka din ako sa kanila. iba ang mga diagnosis na alam nila sa alam ko. may mga management na iba sa natutunan ko (like the IV fluids na tinuro sa min sa PCMC. sabi ng mga pedia fellows eh wag daw gagamit ng D5 0.3% pag nagreresuscitate).
everytime im in duty, it made me realize how much more i need to learn and master. coz when the ER door opened i should be snappy making my assessment and giving orders to the nurses. the weight of being the captain of the ship is surely heavy but challenging too. we don't know what cases we will be expecting when we enter the hospital coz every duty day is a different story.

the beginning of a new life

yehey! naayos na din ang internet namin. after 1 month of waiting, nakakapag internet na ko. namiss ko talaga to.

1 month na din nakalipas simula nung nakapasa ako ng boards. 2 weeks din akong naging bum and then after 1 day pagkatapos ng oathtaking, voila! may trabaho na ko.

naalala ko tuloy yung theme song ng sikat na movie...

"you changed my life in a moment and i'll never be the same again..."

passing the board exams really changed my life. now, i make my own money. now, people treat me differently. now, i am somebody.

now, hatid-sundo pa din ako ni kuya alex. ang aking dakilang driver.
salamat kuya. hehe

next month di mo na ko masusundo sa pupuntahan ko. hihihi ;)

thank you!

it was an uphill slope. im so glad that i made it. per syempre, i would have not done it without the prayers and support from my family and friends. super thank you sa inyong lahat.

To God be the glory!

Lord I offer my life to you. Everything I've been through, use it for your glory!"

my hopes, dreams, and wishes for 2009

its 20-0-9. time is really fast. this year is an important year for me. im gonna take the board exam this year and whatever the result is, it will gonna make a big impact on my life. well a lot of things depend on it. so my first wish for this year is that i may be able to pass the boards.
and the rest will follow.

what i'm gonna leave behind

• heartaches. ok this time i've got to be honest. i feel i'm still not really as in super over it. meron pa ring natitirang heartache. i guess it has something to do with the crying thing. i feel that i haven't cried enough. after the break up, i just had a day for the crying, the thinking, and the picking up the pieces. it happened on a pretty bad timing. life was so busy then. so after the exam, i promised to give myself time to heal and kick it out of my system.

• home. ok this is all about the growing up thing. i just feel that im too old to live with my 'rents. i wanna try to live on my own without receiving financial support from them. ayoko naman dumating yung panahon na kukunin nalang ako ng mapapangasawa ko sa bahay. gusto ko naman maranasan maging independent muna.
  

what i plan to do

• i so badly wanted change (as in physical change ito) so to really get it all started, i have to earn for myself. and of course to be able to do that, i have to accomplish my number one goal for this year. do you need to guess what it is? hmm.. it's really my key to everything. the make or break thing huh

• strengthen my relationship with God. during those rocky times with my ex, my relationship with God was also in a bad shape. i remember avoiding going inside the chapel. and at times, i dont anymore ask for His help and guidance. i became proud and hard headed. maybe because at the back of my mind i knew that if i kneel there in front of Him, i will feel all the hurt and i didn't want that. as time goes by, my absences on sunday masses became frequent and praying became less. and now i feel im too far away. two weeks ago, i found a book from the pink sisters in tagaytay entitled, healing presence of God. i plan to read and contemplate on it after the boards.

• work and live on my own.

• plan where my life is headed. like choosing a residency training program and choose where to settle.
  

• and definitely have a time to stop and smell the flowers. i really deserve that. don't you think?

of course, good health for my family and friends.
a prosperous new year to everyone!

----------addendum
i had a chat with a good friend of mine just before the year end and the topic was Big. i told him i'm dropping my hopes for him. he's not my Big anymore and i dont like to be carrie bradshaw na. hahahaha now this is getting silly. but after what happened after our common friend's son's christening, i realized i cannot force myself to redevelop my affection for him. my friend was arguing that i shouldn't totally shrug him off coz he seems to be a good catch. that leaves me into thinking, hey, didnt they tell me I AM the good catch. my point is, if im going to enter a relationship, the only reason for that is because we love each other and not because i can get something from him. love should be the only reason. and so as an inclusion to the above list, im putting Big to 'what i will leave behind' list.

when our eyes met again

i'm from- duty today. since it's sunday, i decided to go home to be with my family. as i was riding the fx, i thought of the scene that happened between me and the one i called my lover in one of my posts here.

i was the floater yesterday and my job is actually to do all the extra jobs outside the D.R. follow- up lab results, release blood for the patients admitted in the D.R., accompany patients to the xray or e.r. trauma in case of a referral, help the ward intern to do referrals, get food at the dietary, buy things for co-interns, residents, and clerk at the D.R. in short aliping sagiguilid.

so there i was walking in the hallways of the ground floor when our paths crossed. i was in a hurry and so was he. our eyes met. i was caught off-guard. i didn't know if im going to smile or greet him. i just stared. i guess he was caught off guard too. i saw the hesitation in his face.

he just stared at me too.

later, i learned that he was the e.r. officer of the day. our duty was getting really toxic. we were already running out of stechers. my friend who was at the I.E. (E.R.) asked me to talk to the ERO to limit patients which i eventually did after a series of deep breathing exercises.

it was casual... and meant nothing.


... back to the fx scene. as i reminisce what happened to me and that guy, i realized that i have something to thank him for. the liplocking thing was the confirmation of my freedom from the past. it was then that i realized that i am already (and truly) ok.

i know he didn't squeal our secret. kuya, being unaware of it, is enough proof for that. knowing him and his boastful, arrogant attitude, i am touched by what he did. maybe it's his way of saying that he truly appreciated the conversation we had at their quarters.

i guess the bottom line is, i felt ashamed of treating him as invincible. after all, he was nice to me din pala.

songs for you

for a few weeks now, ive been in a 'last song syndrome' mode. im singing from my most recent memory of the songs my ear caught somewhere. well some became my favorite since they depict what i feel for someone. hehe. theme song ang dating. here they go:

• sometimes i run/ sometimes i hide/ sometimes i'm scared of you/ but all i really want is to hold you tight/ treat you right/ be with you day and night/ baby all i need is time

• i hate how much i love you, boy/ i cant stand how much i need you/ i hate how much i love you boy/ and i just cant let you know/ that i hate that i love you so

• and i can't get you out of my dreams/now i know that you're a dangerous kind/ and your smile is tattooed on my mind.... yesterday i was feeling sad/ all i do today is trying to be brave/and no melody seems to soothe my mind/ and now i curse you for being so sweet and so kind
• So go on, go on, come on, leave me breathless/Tempt me, tease me, until I can't deny/ This loving feeling/Make me long for your kiss/ Go on (go on), go on (go on)/Yeah.../Come on

and here's the song on the top of my list:

• ang panalangin ko sa habang buhay/ makapiling ka/ makayakap ka/ yan ang panalangin ko/ at hindi papayag ang pusong ito/ mawala ka sa king piling/ mahal ko iyong dinggin

hay. this is really getting weird. it's a nice feeling having a crush once in a while. and its also kinda difficult knowing that the person i have a huge crush on is a total trash. oh well, truth bites. but hey, no one said i can't get kilig in secret. i would fantasize and dream that he's mr. perfect. he's my wish-to-be- perfect guy. i wouldn't hope though that i end up with him coz i know that would be the day that i will start cursing my life. haha. matalino na 'to!

==0==

madel and i started our review for the boards. since news that we got said the ongoing aug boards is really tough. especially anatomy. (i think im going to befriend moore. and really try to have a special relationship with him this time). we started with patho at the beginning of this month. i chose my baby robbins (im trying to read books over reviewers now that i still have the time. focusing on topics or subjects that i'm not good at) and lend her my brs since her sister's still using theirs for her boards. well im nearly towards the end of the book and according to my sched, i should finish it by tomorrow. by monday i'll have pharma. hmm... im sticking on my sched. and so far so good.

We always want to have the perfect things. We look in every alley, in every corner, in every pocket, in every store of that something that we consider as perfect. I, for example, would not just go from every stall but from mall… to mall… to mall… just to find the perfect pair of shoes. We always want to attain the perfect things in this imperfect world. And so this is also the case when we’re looking for that person to love. We set a certain standard that the opposite sex must have or attain before we give him/her the title ‘the perfect one for me.’ Sometimes these standards were hard to find. Sometimes they don’t exist in just one person. Sometimes they don’t even exist at all. And so time flies and with every not so lucky guy that passes us by, we wonder, Will there be really a man that will fit our standards? When will Mr. prince charming come? Sometimes we get too preoccupied with these standards that we don’t notice what were missing. And then the guy that could have been the perfect one passes us by… and end up to another girl’s arms (…or lap hehe). And then that’s the only time we get to notice what we have just let slipped away… just when we do not anymore have the chance.
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Ok lang ba magpropose ang girl sa boy? As in ok lang? sa opinion ko, hindi ako sang- ayon dun. Masyado kase makapal yun. Isa pa walang challenge yun para sa guy. Ipakita mo naman na you’re worth to be treasured kase pinag hirapan ka. Isang araw pag naging ex ka nya, isipin mo na lang kung pano nya yun ikukwento sa iba. Na naging kayo kase ikaw nag propose. Haha. Hindi ba mejo masakit isipin na pano kaya kung hindi mo ginawa yun, magiging kayo kaya? Kung hindi ka kumilos, gagawa kaya sya ng paraan para maging kayo? Maaari kayang napilitan lang sya? O ayaw lang nya na mapahiya ka dahil kahit papano may pinagsamahan na din kayo? Hmm. Di ba mas nakakalito? Mas mahirap makita kung ano ba talaga yung tunay na damdamin nya para sayo? Mas mahirap malaman kung talagang handa na syang makipagrelasyon ulit? Hay nako. Iba na talaga panahon ngayon. Nananalo ang babaeng agresibo.

my lover

his face is tattoed on my mind. just like what the song said. he's the dangerous kind. everybody know him as the cassanova of the eagle. and im one who's bound to be victimized. im the new apple of his eyes and he's quite getting aggressive in offering his indecent proposal. will i fall for it? if only... i wouldnt deny that i want him. i like him so much but i know that if i give in, i'll be doomed in the end. the only thing that's saving me from him... and from myself... is "the one." even if i dont know him yet.

and then again...

it was one of those nights when i had a text chat with my regulary irregular textmate. the unusual thing this time is that i was the one asking questions.

'saan ka nag college tsaka anu course mo?'

'BA ust kalapit pla tyo skul b4?'

'hindi. kse fairview school ko nung med at for sure grad ka na nun'

i got confused about the timeline. so i asked

'ilang taon ka na ba?'

'24. kaw?'

that instant there i was. brokehearted just like that. hay buhay

trip to batangas

these were some of the pictures from our retreat in calaruega










on our last day, i went to madel's hometown (Bauan, Batangas). on our way there, we get to take a pic of fantasy world.



we had a side trip in taal. this is the taal cathedral. the largest church in asia.

updates updates

• this is my last day as a transplant/vascular intern. tomorrow i'll be rotating in urology.
  
• things i've learned in transplant:
• harvesting a kidney from a cadaver costs 100, 000 php with free air fare (in case the harvest will be done in cebu or davao. pwede na din bicol)
• a kidney transplant is worth a million or more.
• di lang pala kidney transplant ang ginagawa sa NKTI. meron din liver transplant.
  
• ang yayaman talaga ng mga transplant surgeons!!!
• remembering my pedia surg rotation:

this was an explore lap done in an 11 year old kid with a large abdominal mass which is maybe a sarcoma or a teratoma.

recent updates

• im through with my surgery rotation at the eagle last month. and now is my last day in peridatric surgery. since it's sunday today, wala akong pasok hehe. nakaka- high talaga ang mga nakita kong cases sa pedia surgery. dun ako nakakita ng true to life craniopagus (conjoined heads) at hermaphrodite. at iba talaga mag assist sa surgery ng mga bata. kahit exlap na e hindi nauubos ang energy sa kaka- retract. hehe. pero sa isang banda, kawawa naman sila dahil bata pa sila, andami na nila pinagdadaanan sa buhay nila.
  
• nung friday, nag bike kami ni kokoy sa circle. ansaya pala! hehe. inabot na kami ng gabi doon at pagsapit ng dilim e madami akong napansin na mga guys na naka maong at sando with matching maliit na backpack. patambay- tambay lang sila dun at kahit ilang beses na namin sila naiikutan sa aming pagbbike, e andun pa din sila sa may mga bato or bench, nakaupo na parang may hinihintay. tanong: ano kaya ang pakay nila sa circle? at sino kaya ang hinihintay nila? hehe.
  
• may bago na kong baby. dumating na sya! ang puti puti at magaan. ang name nya ay mac. :)
  
• gusto ko mag swimming!!!! wala bang mag- aaya jan?
  

the past few weeks...

airsoft with my boy buds

bicol med mission. picture taken at phivocs viewing deck

my last day at the community. my big group together with the city health officers of marikina

how's my week PART 2

2nd week of the love month

• sunday was the burial of my uncle anseng who died of liver cancer. mom wasn't able to attend because she was still in the hospital recuperating.
  
• monday, mom went home already. i was absent then coz i have to take care of paying the bills and all the rest. its hard when you are the eldest 'available' child. you have to learn how to stand up for your family. it was a nice learning experience.
• wednesday, i was into binge eating. it wasnt due to an emotional crisis but it was because of the yummy danggit and sweet fish skeleton from davao. i matched it with diced kamatis which i brought from philcoa after madel and i went to the photocopy-han and isaw (darn, naubusan ba naman kami!?!) at UP and itlog na pula from pateros. my roommate and i really loved it! meron pa kaming appetizer na chicharon from bulacan (the best hehe) dipped in spiced vinegar. hmmm... it was a real delight! taob ang 2 gatang na sinaing hehe.
  
• thursday was valentine's day. i woke up happy which was surprising. bogs was the first one who greeted me and it really means so much that i was given importance by my friends. he told me he planned to wake up at midnight to greet me. he wasnt able to do that for some reason but considering his thoughtfulness was enough. lunch time neil called and told me to go to gateway at 7pm. i asked why but he was evasive. the call just gave me a feeling he's going to set me up on a blind date. so there i was todo ayos and todo bihis. haha. i arrived late at kinakabahan. neil, koy and reg were all there. then i found out i wasn't set up with anybody! they just planned a dinner date for the singles in our barkada. we had dinner in seafoods island and had boodle feast which was really yummy then had starbucks afterwards. bongga talaga coz before we started our meal the boys handed me a bouquet of roses with different colors. i was really touche'd! i'm so thankful to have friends like them. da best!
• friday (today) koy fretched me in my apartment since he did some business near my place. hehe nakakatuwa naman talaga sila.
• on sunday, neil and i are going to have our badminton match hehe. sa wakas tuloy na. and hopefully, i'll still have the energy for airsoft in the afternoon.

how's my week

• sunday, i went out with my boy buds. we decided to go to the mall of asia since jom, who just went home recently (he's now based in guam) , haven't seen the place. we watched the movie clover field (which i do not recommend for those with weak stomach because of its 'dizziness' effect) and ate at an italian resto which i forgot the name, and of course picture taking to the max. john, neil, reg, koy, jerin and i stayed a couple of hours more. we decided to eat at a fancy crepe resto overlooking the bay. then we headed for the baywalk for more picture taking.

halos kumpleto...

kami na lang ang natira



• the guys fetched me at my place in q.c. while at the car, koy bursted out his 'panghihinayang.' Quoting him: 'ikaw kase hawak mo na sa leeg si dryn pinakawalan mo pa. e di sana kasal nyo yung inattendan namin' hmmm... i didn't expect one of them felt (and see our friendship) that way. akala ko si mom lang nanghinayang e. ayun tuloy, what i all throughout our journey was explain my sideto them. promise i'm going to write another entry about this ish.



• mom was confined at the national kidney and transplant institute (NKTI) last monday. she had pelvolithotomy with cholecystectomy the following day. i was able to stay in the operating room throughout the whole procedure due to my mom's request which, im telling you was not a good experience... she's ok now. she's been walking around the room already and can go to the bathroom without a companion. she's going home on monday. thanks for the prayers!



• spending the nights at the hospital all week was like going on perpetual duty minus the never ending 'lakaran' that is. i was sleeping at the chair all week (so dabs can sleep on the sofa). My back really hurts! i miss my bed...



• my uncle whom we fondly called tata anseng died yesterday. he had liver cancer. it was just sad that it was barely a month since my uncle totong died (due to lung cancer). mom won't be able to be at the wake since my uncle's burial is tomorrow already. my the good Lord grant them eternal repose. i'll miss them...

Future agenda

• i've been gaining a lot of weight already and my tummy would testify to that. hehe. ive started wearing a velcro belt which i knew from med school doesnt really work. i still use it though to remind my self that i shouldn't give in to those yummy, mouth watering, eye popping indulgences...my favorite, my comfort foods.



• my diet plan was to do exercises like doing abs crunches and brisk walking to the q.c. circle, which is just near my place, or to the grocery. i also intend to do biking in the afternoon at the circle. neil already promised to play badminton with me during our free sundays. also, im going to try airsoft with my other boy buds which is a good form of stress release too.