and the rest will follow.
what i'm gonna leave behind
- heartaches. ok this time i've got to be honest. i feel i'm still not really as in super over it. meron pa ring natitirang heartache. i guess it has something to do with the crying thing. i feel that i haven't cried enough. after the break up, i just had a day for the crying, the thinking, and the picking up the pieces. it happened on a pretty bad timing. life was so busy then. so after the exam, i promised to give myself time to heal and kick it out of my system.
- home. ok this is all about the growing up thing. i just feel that im too old to live with my 'rents. i wanna try to live on my own without receiving financial support from them. ayoko naman dumating yung panahon na kukunin nalang ako ng mapapangasawa ko sa bahay. gusto ko naman maranasan maging independent muna.
- i so badly wanted change (as in physical change ito) so to really get it all started, i have to earn for myself. and of course to be able to do that, i have to accomplish my number one goal for this year. do you need to guess what it is? hmm.. it's really my key to everything. the make or break thing huh
- strengthen my relationship with God. during those rocky times with my ex, my relationship with God was also in a bad shape. i remember avoiding going inside the chapel. and at times, i dont anymore ask for His help and guidance. i became proud and hard headed. maybe because at the back of my mind i knew that if i kneel there in front of Him, i will feel all the hurt and i didn't want that. as time goes by, my absences on sunday masses became frequent and praying became less. and now i feel im too far away. two weeks ago, i found a book from the pink sisters in tagaytay entitled, healing presence of God. i plan to read and contemplate on it after the boards.
- work and live on my own.
- plan where my life is headed. like choosing a residency training program and choose where to settle.
- and definitely have a time to stop and smell the flowers. i really deserve that. don't you think?
a prosperous new year to everyone!
----------addendum
i had a chat with a good friend of mine just before the year end and the topic was Big. i told him i'm dropping my hopes for him. he's not my Big anymore and i dont like to be carrie bradshaw na. hahahaha now this is getting silly. but after what happened after our common friend's son's christening, i realized i cannot force myself to redevelop my affection for him. my friend was arguing that i shouldn't totally shrug him off coz he seems to be a good catch. that leaves me into thinking, hey, didnt they tell me I AM the good catch. my point is, if im going to enter a relationship, the only reason for that is because we love each other and not because i can get something from him. love should be the only reason. and so as an inclusion to the above list, im putting Big to 'what i will leave behind' list.
