Chacal

I finished reading Frederick Forsyth's The Day of the Jackal. It's a story of a professional assassin who was hired by the leftist to kill the president of France and change the course of history. I wanted them to succeed and liberate their country from the hands of a traitor. The assassin's masterplan was truly remarkable. I was so impressed. I guess that is one of the greatest novel I have ever read. Carefully researched. Some of the sentences though where written in French since the story mostly took place in France. I think I'm going to reread them again when I learn the language of the parisians J . Ang galing talaga. Truly a must- read.

the best things in life...

i was badly injured when i got home from our pilgrimage in Quezon- Laguna last thursday. my right ankle was swollen. Friday when i woke up, the right side of my back was so painful then my head started to hurt too at noon.the pain was too great that i can hardly drag my self off from bed to get some medicine.the slightest movement gave a jolt of pain in my head and back.afternoon came and i was already having fever and my breathing was shallow and rapid. buti na lang, mom came to the rescue and gave me a strong dose of ibuprofen. that was the most painful i've ever had experience in my whole life that i thought at that moment, it was the end of me.

the swelling subsided a little bit already and i can go down the stairs now with ease. it wasn't a sprain though. mom thought a bug bit me but my theory was that i had adverse reaction from the antibiotics i was taking for my pharyngitis (it had erythema on its list which is a red nodular lesion on the skin. and a lot more on the list i have experienced also but didn't mind. i just realized everything now. so please, when an emergency happened to me, forewarn the doctor not to give me Klarmyn, generic name: Clarythromycin). i felt a nodule just above my ankle the other day and i pressed it. the next day, the swelling started. now ive learned my lesson. the next time i felt something hard, don't press it. hehehehe
---------------------------*

yep, i've watched the last of the star wars series 'the return of the sith' with papsi and tina last tuesday in glorietta. it may be the last get together we have before school starts. i admit i don't post every 'lakad' the three of us make but it doesn't mean i don't appreciate their company. they're like family to me (and their families also). i miss the old times when the three of us go home together from school and talk the whole night about anything or everything under the sun as if we haven't seen each other for years... it's hard to find good and real friends like them. i know i'll be missing them more when i get to clerkship. hay, ce'st la vie. anywhere you two maybe, may the force be with you always.

as for me, i know i'll forever be grateful for having both of them in my life. 'coz 'the best things in life are three.'

'the sweetest songs...

... are those that tell of saddest things'

Sometimes i sit at home and wonder how it'd be
If he had loved me
Truly loved me yes
I learned a while ago that kind of thing
Never happens for me
And so i go around
And just pretend
Loving life for me
I play the circus clown around my friends
Make them laugh and they won't see
That you never let them see you sweat
Don't want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

So i put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I'm laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause i'm dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

Sing it la la la la

Sometimes i sit at home
By the phone hoping he might call me
But he don't call me
But then i realize
Dreams come true aren't for girls like me
Not like me
And so i go around with my head up
Like it ain't no thing
And when the boys around with all my friends
I'm into other things
Because you never let them see you sweat
Don't want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

So i put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I'm laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause i'm dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

It's not an easy (thing)
Sometimes it's hard to (face the truth)
It's not the life that i would choose (that i would choose)
But what else can i do?
If he don't love me
If he don't want me
I'm not about to sit around
Let myself go

When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
And if you keep falling down don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

I can make it through the rain
And I live once again
And I live one more day
And I can make it through the rain
(Yes you can)
You will make it through the rain

Bakit ba...

... andaming reklamo ng mga tao? samantalang kung ikukumpara nila ang mga sarili nila sa iba, aba, maswerte pa rin sila.
... kelangang mainggit? e2 talagang hindi ko maintindihan. dapat nga ako pang mainggit sa kanila. sa totoo lang, ayoko ng buhay ko sa ngayon. papano ba naman hanggang ngayon, umaasa pa rin ako sa mga magulang ko. inaamin ko na nahihiya ako tuwing manghihingi ako sa kanila. pano, kung hindi na ko nag- aaral ngayon e di sana kaya ko nang buhayin ang sarili ko at hindi ko na kelangang umasa.
...nakakainis sila? andami dyan hindi nakapag- tapos ng pag-aaral pero hayun, kumakayod. Pinapasok kahit anong trabaho para lang mabuhay. pero hayun, may iba na mas gusto pa ring umasa. at worse, may iba na kahit na kumamayod na, gusto pa ring umasa. kung pinili kong magtrabaho, hindi ako tutulad sa kanila. iisa lang naman talaga ang gusto ko dati pa, ang maging independent. yung secured ako sa sarili ko na kahit sino pang dumating o umalis, kaya kong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa. walag inaasahang iba. hindi ko naman gustong mag- isa. pero kung pipili ako ng role between tumutulong at tinutulungan, dun na ko sa una. hanggat makakaya ko gagawin ko yun.

sana lang matauhan naman sila... marealize nila na maswerte sila.
oo, nagrereklamo din ako kung minsan dahil hindi lahat meron ako. pero sa tuwing mangyayari yon, inaalala ko lahat ng blessings ko. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. at dahil don, narerealize ko na wala pala akong dapat ireklamo. dapat pa nga akong magpasalamat dahil maswerte pa pala ako.

maswerte ka din. masyado ka lang preoccupied sa pagpuna sa iba kaya hindi mo nakikita kung anong meron ka.

(hay, i guess marami lang nangyari ngayong araw na to na kelangang ilabas. e ano pa nga bang silbi ng blog na to kundi yon di ba?)

Emotions...

It's over and done
But the heartache lives on inside
And who is the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that i need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go (go)
Cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart

It's just emotion's taking me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in my song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Dont you know there's nobody left in this world
To hold me tight
Dont you' know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side,
A part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to go find your shining star

And where are you now, now that i need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart

It's just emotion that's taking me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Dont you know there's nobody left in this world
To hold me tight
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

And where are you now, now that i need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart

It's just emotion that's taken me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Nobody left in this world
To hold me tight
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

Let me call you sweetheart

(written yesterday, May 19, 2005 at 7.30 am. Unfortunately, I ran out of internet card so I wasn't able to post it then.)

I'm sick. I woke up this morning with a sore throat and a slight headache. Natuluyan na kong magkasakit. I thought it was tonsilitis but when I checked on the mirror, my tonsils aren't inflamed. My pharynx though is red plus my uvula and pillars have mild vasculitis. My posterior cervical lymph nodes are also swollen and tender. My voice changed too.I haven't checked my temperature yet but I'm sure I also have mild fever. I checked my books for the causative agent and it reads 'pharyngitis with fever, swollen lymph nodes and exudates- most common cause of infection are group A streptococcus and Epstein Barr virus.' I don't think I have mono since my exudates is purulent suggesting a bacterial infection. Hay, Strep throat na naman….

I guess one of the reasons I got sick was the weather. This is one of the hottest summers I have experienced. Tapos uulan pa pag hapon. Hay nako, nakakaloka talaga.

Nahamugan ata ako the other day… Papsi, Tina and I were supposed to have a Star Wars Marathon but plans changed. We just went to Crossings for their summer sale. I wasn't able to buy anything except for the foot socks I've seen from my sister, Dabsy. I didn't have money and besides, if I have it I wont spend it for those branded items that were still uber mahal even on sale. There was a heavy downpour just before we decided to leave so we stayed a little bit more and resume our kwentuhan. May ambon pa din nung umalis kami kaya siguro …

Mom's pa- raffle is scheduled this morning. I think they are having it already as I type this entry. It's just two blocks away but nah, I'll just stay here and continue typing. I still have to call some people later and cancel some appointments.

I wanted to go to the mall later this afternoon to buy some stuffs. I'm running out of body wash and I'm not really accustomed using soap for shower. But then, I have to cancel that too.

I think it was also a blessing in disguise on Papsi's part that I wasn't able to join them in their Bolinao adventure. My condition would be a big K.J. Anyways, enjoy na lang kayo!

-------------------*

I was invited to the birthday party of my lola's sister in my Ate Nene's house. But then again, I have to beg off. My headache's getting terrible. Sayang, coz that's a good opportunity for me to congratulate my Ate Nene personally. We go to the same med school and she just graduated last April. Anyways, congratulations, Dr. Florita Policarpio! (I just learned from mom that she was given a brand new Vios by her parents as a graduation gift. Wow, congrats ulit!)

--------------------*

I haven't written about Neil's thanksgiving party last week. Galing talaga magluto ni Neil! Hehe. Sayang lang coz only a few in our high school barkada attended including yours truly. We had drinking session when most of the people have left. The boys were careful not to take in too much alcohol coz they have work the following day. They contented themselves having one shot each of Black Label and a few bottles of San Mig Light. I didn't join them really coz I don't like the taste of beer. I had red wine instead- a bottle of it- all for myself hehehe. I was amused scanning Neil's collection of Time magazine that I didn't noticed I had been drinking a lot. The wine was actually a prize Neil won from a bet he had with Kokoy. Hay nako, mas malakas pa rin ang prayers namin na papasa sya ng boards kaya ayan tuloy, natalo ka hehehe.

Congratulations ulit, Engr. Neil Bryan Adulta!

---------------------*

I haven't finished reading my first Mary Higgins Clark novel. I was a little frustrated about it. Well maybe my interest is just different. I like novels that has art/culture/ geography/ history involved like Dan Brown's Angels and Demons and Da Vinci Code or Erich Segal's Acts of Faith. But I must say, still, Mary Higgins Clark writes beautifully. And I love the title - Let Me Call You Sweetheart. Hehe mukhang magandang terms of endearment. sweetheart...

---------------------*

my headache and sore throat are getting worse. I better go back to bed…

hot summer

grabeng init! i've been going out of the house for almost a week now. katulad ngayon, andito ko sa U.P. diliman, nagpapa- photocopy at bookbind. halos masunog na ang balat ko. hindi na ko magtataka kung magka- skin cancer ako.

nag- enroll na ko! hehe. actually, nakakalungkot kase nalaman ko na wala na pala kong bakasyon next summer. akala ko kase may one month pa ko. medyo nagpanick din ako huh. ngayon ko lang narealize na ang dami ko pa palang dapat ayusin.

school starts april 25 next sy. parang gusto kong makita lahat ng friends ko at isa- isa silang yakapin. i know i'll be missing them a lot. halos isa't kalahating taon din akong 'mawawala'. i guess my happy go lucky days are over coz sooner, i'll be facing the REAL world that i have chosen. i hope i'll survive it.