oh buble!

he is truly the king of croon
...sing me to sleep

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

the boyish next door ...

i had a bonding session with dad and bro today. i helped them replace the front signal lights. dad and i joined forces in unscrewing stubborn bolts due to rust. it was fun soiling our hands and sweat profusely. after a tiring job, we feasted on mom's special rice cake and halo- halo. what a life!

a few days ago, i was thinking of texting my driving school about the schedule in trouble shooting. i realized, why wait for it when i can learn from the expert. people little know that dad, though doing ECE stuffs overseas, is actually a mecahnical engineer. i was really happy he still remember everything about engines. i guess it's because he knew it by heart.

about the title, it seeems i'm one of the boys again. :) only that i was wearing my cutesy pink dress while doing the boys stuff. haha! hindi talaga ko mapapagkamalang boy. masyado kong kikay to be one.

this is my last week of vacation. yep, back to work again next week.

my first visit at the medical city

main lobby of the new mediical city in pasig.the high priest and i attended a two- day seminar (april 21- 22) in the medical city. i was awed by its lush and tranquil environment. the place was so comfy. it has hotel- like interiors, gardens in and around the building, and nonmedical amenities such as foodcourt, salon, gym, auditorium, convenience store, flower shop, and starbucks. i would love to practice there (or maybe in the asian hospital :b ) in the future when i start my own family (but of course i have to wish that i'll be able to marry first hehehe.)

beating insomnia

mahirap magpa- antok...

Good bye, it’s time for me to go.
I’ll call you in the morning so I can let you know.
I know it hasn’t been easy to love a man like me.
Someday if we try there will be no goodbyes, and we will live happily.
Cuz I’ll be there one day and you’ll be right next to me.
I’ll be there one day and you will be right next to me.
Hey there, will you be where I am?
Will you be by myside girl, or with another man?
Just wait a little longer, girl
I don’t know how long.
Just try to understand this is not what I planned.
I’m sorry this had to be.
Oh girl, every man needs a woman.
You’re the woman that I choose and I can’t afford to lose you baby.
I’ll be there one day and you will be right next to me.
I’ll be there one day and you will be right next to me.
I swear to the world, you’ll always be my girl.
Just say you’ll be, right next to me.
I’ll be there one day
And you’ll be right next to me.

What happend last Saturday

I thought the day wouldn't end the way I presumed it to be. At first, it was pretty much like the other rendezvous that we had that as if nothing happened. I admit I waited for him to confront me about the text incident but he didn't. I can read his gestures though that he wanted to talk about it. I just let him take his time. We were together until noon but nothing happened. I could have done it but I guess I'm not the type who will initiate a confrontation. When I got home, I texted him, 'o, akala ko ba aawayin mo ko?' I was just teasing him but then I got series of text messages that were pretty serious. I didn't understand half of it. I was thankful he got the courage to come over and talk. Finally.

I wouldn't deny I got really pissed off with the message he sent me a few weeks back. I think there was no point in making a big fuzz out of a simple desire to be with me. He just have to say it plain and simple. I guess, I have explained my point well enough for him to understand.

I thought that was the end of it. I was surprised when I realized we were already talking about us. I think it was my kadaldalan that started it. The topic was pretty serious. Too serious for us to ironically, laugh about it. It is clear now that his intention is more than friendship. I will quote him in saying that he wanted to create an environment conducive for us to take our relationship into a different level. And that he didn't want to tell me about it coz what he wanted was for me to just FEEL it. I told him that all along, I regarded everything as just a friendly gesture, that he was just being nice to me. After all, he didn't make his intentions clear to me to begin with. There were a lot of loopholes in his plan. I was surprised he didn't even put himself in my place for him to anticipate the other possibilities.

I guess the purpose of the conversation was just to elucidate each other's side. I believe, we were successful in doing that. It was enough for me that the conversation has given me some sort of relief.

Nakakatuwa lang coz I just realized, whenever I wanted to be in a relationship, walang dumarating. Pag ayoko naman, merong dumarating na chance. I knew I can never predict what will be my feelings and decisions in the future. All I know is, right now, I'm happy and contented with my life even if I am unattached. Besides, I still don't feel the need for it. Right now, my family and friends are enough to make me feel beautiful and med school to keep me preoccupied.

I also wanted to be very honest that I'm not sure if I wanted him or not. From the start, I have set it in my mind so well that my relationship with him is only pure friendship. And even now, every time I try to see us in a different light, it doesn't flourish. (TO LZ and THE GODESS: parang normal pero at the middle of it nagiging impotent… haha, frigid pala. Pero parang mas bagay ata yung una dun sa statement. grabe, hindi ko kaya!) Also, (seryoso na ulit) I guess the ultimate reason is that I didn't feel the emptiness in me like there's something missing in my life and he's the one who can fill that space; or like there's something about being with him that tells me I'm finally home. Many say it is the magical moment. I also believe that it is. Once upon a time I have experienced it… pero hay nako, ang haba pa rin ng hair ko! :)

I just remember what he texted me before he decided to come over. He said he didn't want any confrontation. When he sees me, all he wanted to do is to hold me and seize the moment. Funny how it gave me some sort of nostalgia. The feeling was hard to decipher. It's as if I was traveled back in time when I shared that feeling with someone. I had to scroll the message and see that it really came from him coz for a second there I thought it was from someone else.

---------*
he just texted me a while ago saying he was sorry. He admitted that he did it because he wanted to play safe. I know it took him a lot of courage to do it and I commend him for that. ok na sa kin yung nalaman nya kung anong mali nya. And the rest, we can just charge it to experience.

ain't Sunday Morning yet

..

.

Sunday morning rain is falling

Steal some covers share some skin

Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable

You twist to fit the mold that I am in

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do

And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew

That someday it would lead me back to you

That someday it would lead me back to you

.

That may be all I need

In darkness he is all I see

Come and rest your bones with me

Driving slow on Sunday morning

.

And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline

Paint a picture with my hands

Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm

Change the weather still together when it ends

.

That may be all I need

In darkness he is all I see

Come and rest your bones with me

Driving slow on Sunday morning

.

And I never want to leave

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do

Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you

Singing someday it'll bring me back to you

Find a way to bring myself back home to you

.

And you may not know

That may be all I need

In darkness he is all I see

Come and rest your bones with me

Driving slow on Sunday morning

.

.

2:25 am and still can't sleep

GKNB?

I was in my aunt's birthday party a while ago. It's been quite a while since I had a chat with my cousins. And it still flatters me that they now value my opinion. My siblings and I were the youngest among our cousins. The one who precedes us is six years older than me. It wasn't surprising we were excluded in their conversations. It was only when I graduated from college that I was welcome to hear the latest buzz and give comments from time to time. I've been quite a good listener though. And as time goes by, it seems I subconsciously becoming pessimist about relationships especially marriage. Their experiences broke my idealism. I guess I'm just afraid that when my turn comes, it will be just like theirs. I hope not. And I hope I won't be an old maid.
------------*
my driving lessons was re- sched on Monday. I hate it when my schedule was altered when my mind is already set into it. best also set a breakfast date afterwards which I can't cancel anymore. Hay nako. Well, we'll be seeing each other again after almost a month. Ano kyang mangyayari? Game ka na ba …. Ay ako pala dapat.
--------*
mariks already gave me a list of books to read for summer. I'm currently reading Andromeda Strain. Interesting. Ayan, hindi na naman ako makatulog. Anyway, thanks friend!

Driving lesson: day 3& 4

I had two- hour driving lesson for two days. We've reached Philcoa on the first day. I wonder how much more stressful driving in Manila. I realized driving is really a tough job. It seems I used up all my energy concentrating on the road and my footwork, and avoiding the hardheaded pedestrian crossing wherever they want. Para silang kabute. Kung saan- saan sumusulpot. Kainis talaga! As a bonus, I drove myself home. the owner of the driving school is based in Bulacan, pretty far from our house. Muntik na pala kong bumangga sa may Fatima, Lagro. Hay nako, if it weren't for the instructor's foot break, I would have been in serious trouble. Our car was trapped in the middle of the road. And that's just because of a single jeepney, just a car away from us that stopped in the middle of the road to get pasajeros. MAN!

The next day, I drove to Sta. Maria, Bulacan. a good one hour drive away from my house. I was happy they lend me the revo. I also had a new instructor. He was okay but very soft spoken. My brain can't make sense of his decibel so I told him, ' kuya, ok lang naman kung medyo sigawan nyo ko. Hindi naman ako magagalit.'
It was fun driving in bulacan. I can't help but take a glimpse of the beautiful houses. The street was like Corinthians. I remember one of Claudine Baretto's teleserye used one of those houses.

Driving was a lot more easier in the suburb even if the street had only two lanes and I had plenty of kasalubong. I was happy using third gear and still stepping on the accelerator. I had plenty of overtakes too. It was fun doing that for the first time. hehehe oh, and there was a cow literally dancing on the side of the road. It made me nervous though. Hindi ko maintindihan kung tatawid ba or not. Nakakaloka. Ang hirap bumasa ng isip ng baka.
-----------*-----------
i watched singles last night. la lang. i wan't a fan of that program. di lang ako makatulog. anyways, they were singing this song:

'... wala ring mangyayari, kung pag- isipan pa. maghihintay na na lng kung sino man iyong dapuan ng puso ko, tuloy pa rin ako.'

it made me smile. oo nga naman. ce'st la vie.

Driving Lesson: Day 2

hay nako. nakakainis. ang panget nung car na pinagamit sa kin ngayon. sana yung revo na lang ulit. ang uncomfortable naman kase nung echo. syet.

tinuruan me sa paahon. nakakangawit.

----------*

yehey!!! abogado na ang lola Van ko!!! congratulations!!!!

Driving lessons: day 1

i arrived there 9 am. the secretary told me i should be early. i would be applying for a student permit then. she made me talk to her contact on the phone. she will be the one to accompany me to LTO. the girl asked me what i was wearing. i told her, 'blue shirt and maong pants.' she then said 'ok. hintayin mo ko dun sa may gate ng church. naka- LIGHT BLACK ako na pants at blue na bag.' hehehe muntik na kong tumawa. buti na lang napigil ko.

i had an hour of driving lesson after that. ok naman. nakapagdrive ako sa may jordan plains hanggang regalado at SM. saya. :) nasigawan ako nung una kasi inaway ko yung tutor. pano ang gulo ng instructions. hay. nag- sorry naman ako afterwards kahit ayoko.

our friendship. a saga

i posted something i wrote not too long ago. alam kong marami nang nadagdag. i'll post what happened when its over. i've arranged it for easy reading. :)

Part I: the beginning

It was an offered friendship. We were in third year high school then and were both members of the leadership trainees. It was our habit to walk in Sacred Heart Village with some of the other trainees on our way home after the training. In one October afternoon, I popped out the question, 'pwede bang mag- apply… na maging bestfriend mo?' he smiled at me and said, 'oo naman.' That was how it all started.

The reason behind the proposal. He transferred to our school in fourth grade. We did not know each other then. Our school population was not that large at that time. One grade level had a maximum of three sections with an average of 30 students each. Maybe it was because of our childishness that we were unmindful of what or who was beyond the four walls our room plus our obedience to the nuns prevented us from going inside other classrooms. It was in sixth grade when we became classmates. I admit I did not like him at first. Our ideas were opposite. With the many times our opinions clashed, it was not surprising that we became aloof with each other. To be honest, I hated him. I didn’t go anywhere near him. One day, his bestfriend and my seatmate asked me, what will be my reaction if someone in the class have a crush on me. I was speechless. Later, his bestfriend told me it was him. My only reaction was 'yuck!.' (that reaction caused me my first enemy- his bestfriend). At that time, I was head over heels with someone else. (who also had a crush on me. We didn't have any relationship though. Well, that's another story). Almost all of my classmates knew about it. My ultimate crush (which I had for five years or so) and I became a favorite icon in school. Our teachers and classmates always make us the butt of 'tuksuhan'. That might have caused him to turn away and later on set his eyes on someone else. Junior high came and we became classmates again. It was then I asked my self what was it in him that made me not like him. I didn't have the answer. I had to find out. And the only way I can do that was to be close to him.

Part II: 8 years as best of friends

Our friendship have survived a lot of trials. Here are some that I remember and [probably] the major ones:

1. Big question mark- 'mag- bestfriend sila???? Duh!' many have raised their eyebrows on us and gossiped behind our back. I didn't know how we survived it. Maybe the 'overwhelming school activities' plus the emergence of intimate relationships helped take away their eyes on us.

2. His exes- This was one of the major challenges we had. All of his ex- girlfriends since junior high were our major headache. It wasn't a new scenario that a girlfriend gets jealous of her boyfriend's girl- best friend. My policy was never to be attached to any of his girls because I knew that later on they would just use me as a 'bridge' or an arbiter in their fights. I wanted his relationships to be his own thing. It was alright with me to give him advice whenever he wanted it. That was the only role I wanted to play in his love life. Period. My policy caused a huge misinterpretation on the part of his exes. It was not surprising if they hated me. Our best friend- relationship has caused them so much jealousy that became the root of their major fights and caused us to abstain ourselves from hanging out together (even talking to each other) to please his girlfriend[s].

3. I left him- for college. For four years, I stayed and studied in Manila. He studied in U.P. Diliman. We were in different cities and one hell of a big traffic away from each other. He managed to visit me a couple of times though, amidst the traffic and his paranoid girlfriend. As the years passed, our meeting became infrequent. Phone calls and text messages became fewer and fewer. We still tried to be there for each other but those times were the times we knew no one will better understood the situation than us. I must admit I made a lot of friends in college whom I have shared a lot of things I wasn't able to share with him. Maybe that was also his case. We drifted apart but we never forget.

4. He was the one who broke my heart. It was first year college. One night he gave me a call in the dorm. He just told me my long time M.U. was in love with someone else and that someone was his girlfriend (she was also a friend of mine before). The news itself cut down deep. How he said it made it more painful. He was harsh and cold. Until this moment, I do not know where he's coming from at that point. Forgiving him was not easy. It took a while before I finally find it in my heart to let go of that

Part III: Why can't it be?

'A Man is attracted to A Woman and A Woman to A Man.' That is one of the simple laws of human nature.

I wouldn't deny we have not gone through the years we had as best friends without being attracted to each other at one point or another. Our friendship was far from perfect. We talked about this topic once upon a time. He confessed to me that there was a time he had feelings for me but kept it to himself because he was 'natotorpe'. I also admitted the same thing but I had to overcome it because at that time, he was involved with someone else.

After that incident, I decided that it would be better to choose our friendship over something else. I have anticipated that there will come a time, history will repeat itself so I have to know then what to do when it comes. From then on, every time I felt he treated me extra special, I will turn down all his invitations. I had to prevent any chance we can have falling in love with each other. I must say my plan was successful, we wouldn't get this far if it wasn't. Until…

Part IV: In the middle of nowhere

I believe this is the ultimate challenge to our friendship. No one exactly know what we are right now. The thing is, between us, I am the one who doesn't want to know.

He started his 'pagpaparamdam' after our Christmas party last year. I was denying it, avoiding it the best that I could until he begged me not to turn my back on him. He needed me. His girlfriend just broke up with him and he can't stand the loneliness. I couldn't say no. It was a trap and I fell for it. I had to. My reasons weren't for myself but for him and my relationship with someone else. As his best friend, I have to be there for him but I cannot keep him close enough because I was attached to someone else. I had to hide my relationship because I knew it would cause me trouble with my best friend. And a negative remark would be too much for a fragile relationship. I didn't want best to know and I didn't want to lie about it either.

He almost proposed a couple of days after my relationship ended. I managed to avoid the topic. I wasn't ready for it and I knew at this moment, I am still not ready. My heart wasn't ready to accept or hurt another. My heart still needs more time to breathe and 'detoxify' itself.

Besides, I don't feel the need for it. Right now, I can confidently say that I'm happy with what I have even if it's not everything. My family and friends are my source of joy. I'm contented with what I hold in my hands. Someday, I know I will open my heart again. If it's for him, that I don't know. But what i know is I trust GOD he will lead me to someone better.

almost

i woke up this morning thinking if i'm going to ortigas and take the exams or not. the high priest and i tried our luck yesterday. we applied in a call center. i didn't pass the first try. i knew it from the moment i returned to my seat.
it was a group interview. i think we were 8 in the group. once we settled in our seats, the interviewer, with his 'twang' accent said ' ok, as part of your communication skills exercise, say something about yourself...' and then he called me. at that time, i was still thinking what i'm going to say. i'm telling my self that i shouldn't tell them i'm a med student. so i got up, went in front and look at the high priest. i can't remember anything i said. all i remember was that the cats i dissected was so foul smelling. bummer.
the high priest passed (congrats, galing mo talaga paps!) so i have to leave him there and go on to the next.
it was 1pm when i arrived octagon tower. grabe, sobrang haba ng pila. ayun, mga 2 hours lang naman akong pumila para makakuha ng i.d. corny no? i was talking to the two applicants i met while on the line. sa sobrang tagal, muntik na nilang naikwento buong buhay nila. nakakatuwa hehe. the girl's name was cristina (uy naalala kita, tina bebe) and the guy, adonis (ano ba namang pangalan yan,kakaloka). mabait naman sila at madaldal kaya di ako nainip. ayun, so natapos din ang pagpila namin sa wakas! so again,it was a group interview. this time, we were only three. when it was my time to say my piece, i told the truth that i am a med student trying my luck and so on. but i lied in the end. i told her (the interviewer) that i'm quitting med school. bad girl. (Again, I repeat. IT WAS A LIE!)
the three of us passed and were scheduled for exams this morning. paggising ko, sabi ni mother nature wag na lang daw ako pumunta. asikasuhin ko na lang daw yung driving lessons ko. so ayan, andito pa rin ako sa bahay. :)
oh well, my goal this summer was that i wanted to experience things that i might never be able to have when i become a doctor and braving a call center was one of them. since this is the LAST summer vacation that i have (and i'm determined it will be the last), this may be my only opportunity to do those things.

yesterday was a nice experience. sad nga lang hindi na ko tumuloy. pero madami pa naman akong agenda for this summer. hehehe hindi pa tapos ang adventure. it's just the beginning.
**
bukas na lang ako mag- uumpisa ng driving lessons ko. sumakit talaga mga binti at paa ko dahil sa heels na suot ko kahapon at sa kakahanap ng store sa megamall na pwedeng mag- print ng picture ko na hindi 24 copies ang minimum. mag- aaral pa pala ko ng pedia hehe.

he's the man who made me cry twice eventhough we haven't known each other.goodbye, pope. we'll miss you