paalam at maraming salamat

yes. the time has come for me to leave the place that provided me comfort and solace. i could recall how sad and hurt i was from all the things that had happened before the last year ended and during the first few months of this year in addition to the dissatisfaction i got from my so called job and catatonic/ sedentary lifestyle. one day came that i finally said to myself "enough." i looked for a job, then the next day the chief of clinics called me up and told me ill be starting after three days. fast and crazy as it may seem but i knew that was 'it'. no turning back.



it was the first week of march and the summer's heat was just setting in. the hospital is an hour ride from the pier to the hospital. as i see the place, i realized what i have been asking was given to me... to be in a far away island and enjoy the rush of the ocean. truly, ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find.

my stay there though brief gave me a lot of good memories. i have also met a lot of good people, and gained friends. i am also grateful given the chance to practice my profession there. i have learned a lot from two great consultants who were my mentors in internal medicine (i was resident in charge of the department of internal medicine during my stay there) and all the other consultants. they have always been there for us. i must say, going there is one of the best decisions i have made. it was nice going out of one's comfort zone. challenging one's self and knowing what you are made of is already a reward in itself.

now the time has come to move on. i had to give up my job there because i will be needing time to study for the exams and for the residency training itself. i wont go jobless though. i have already accepted to be a regular physician in a health insurance clinic just near my place (that was my other job in between my duties down south). it doesn't pay much but it's so benign and conducive for studying. that is already fair enough for me.

i will miss my friends though, especially my two roommates.




...and also our dorm we fondly call our little house





i will also miss our pleasure trips we do on our free days.



and the cheap but cute clothes in the town. the place has no department stores and no malls but some of the clothes we've found were treasures!




i wore this today in the clinic and matched it with my celine wedges. i bought the dress for only a hundred and seventy bucks. that's mamburao fashion at its finest. haha.

i will miss you, mamburao!





>>

pictures galore

these were my favorites from the photos i took on the events i have attended the past weeks.

she's my new inaanak, the granddaughter of our driver who's like a part of our family. i was a sponsor/photographer of her christening. most of my shots we're ummm... haha. well i was not yet accustomed (and still!) with the buttons of my new toy. im glad there's photoshop hehe.

seated in front were our 'teachers' in the seminar. 'father,' as joy, ed and i fondly called him, gave the 'thank you speech' in our graduation day. yes, may graduation kami at with matching tugtog pa yun ng graduation march huh. father is a co- alumni of mine (and joy too) who chose to work in his province as a health officer.

these twins are probably my apo sa pinsan. cute ng get up nila. para silang mirror image haha!





>>

home at last

ever since i got home, i have never get to spend the whole day at home. i did clinics monday to friday and been busy with my clan's reunion which happened yesterday. i also get to attend a seminar for three days. no, i am not complaining. in fact, i feel so blessed. aside from my work down south, i got another one near home.i would really wanted to spend my time at home reading while i am here but i realized it's a blessing in disguise having that day job in the clinic coz i am able to read more than i will ever get to do at home coz temptations at home are everywhere and simply hard to resist. LOL

i love attending seminars and conferences. maybe that's how my nostalgia for school manifests. i get to know a lot of great people and most especially i get more inspired being a physician. plus, the luxury of being in a hotel and getting to visit the metro in a way more than the ordinary is something too. LOL. this time, the community i serve down south picked me to attend the seminar in bayview hotel along roxas blvd. i stayed there for one night instead of three coz i didn't know all the attendees get to have accommodation for free. well there's nothing about the hotel to rave about. their interiors is not at par with the others along that street and food was so- so. but since it's free, i was glad to stay there and escape a grueling two hours in traffic and heat from commuting. heehee. im happy that the department of health put money on making their delegates at least comfortable and even went as far as bringing about ten handsome electronic microscopes with them for visuals. and that, they all did without any help from med reps. good job, DOH!


its also nice to know that a lot of physicians are practicing in the province and serving in government hospitals. they are also more approachable and kalog unlike the stereotype clinicians and government workers i have known haha. i guess it goes to show how satisfied and happy they are with their jobs. sabi nga sa sm supermarket, "happy to serve!" with matching clap pa yun hehe. i wish more doctors will be like them. on the side, i haven't been in robinson's place for a long while and i was amazed how huge the mall is now. we ate dinner there and i got tired walking along its long and endless hallways. geez, i wished i had a lot of moolahs with me to buy some pretty stuffs i have seen in some of the windows.

the last few days were the busiest. parang gusto kong hatiin ang katawan ko sa pag attend ng seminar at pag asikaso ng reunion. kami kase ang host this year. hindi biro mag organize ng isang reunion para sa isang malaking angkan, huh. pero masaya naman dahil maayos namin nairaos ang reunion. naging photographer din ako for a day. sa tingin ko din, nag enjoy silang lahat dahil hindi sila umalis agad at tinapos nila ang program. it's a very successful party indeed! congratulations to us, hehe.

today, it's a sunday and i am so glad to spend the whole day at home... at last! manonood sana ako ng movie kaso naisip ko, bukas na lang. holiday naman bukas e. sa ngayon, happy ako na manood lang ng tv, mag ayos ng mga anik- anik sa kwarto ko, mag internet ng one to sawa at syempre makipaglaro sa aking pamangkin. hay, sarap!




>>

buhay MO III

the last ten days were one of the memorable experiences i had as a general practitioner. on most days, our emergency room were swarmed by patients from all over the island. on a non- duty day, i usually go home at 5pm but there were times you just have to stick around the hospital and help. ours is not the only hospital in the island. but people from even the farthest local which is a six hours drive away opt to be transferred to our care. they say, we have the most competent doctors. i cannot take the credit because i am only new there. that goes to all the doctors before me and those who have stayed there for years who have dedicated their time and expertise and me, being one of the newest addition to the group, have to uphold to the people's expectation. giving the optimum care is really a challenge when resources are limited to work up our patients(paging local government officials!!!).

i don't know if it was in the news about a child who picked up a grenade and brought it to his playmates. the grenade exploded and killed two children in an instant. five children were seriously injured. the parents decided to transfer them in our hospital even if it's six hours away because they believed that we can save their lives. and that, no matter how difficult, we cannot run from them or tell them we can only do so little. two of them died while they were admitted. one of them, i have attended myself when she went to cardio-respiratory arrest. i did the CPR but i wasn't not able to save her. the extent of her injury was just too much for her frail body. the explosion perforated a lot of her bowels. she went to arrest after her operation. the kid is just 11 years old. the third child her parents have lost because of the devastating incident. when i went out of the room, i didn't have the guts to tell her mother about the news. i looked into her eyes and then she knew. no words... at that point, it's like everything went to slow-mo and then time stopped. i saw her world fell apart.

the day after, someone woke me up at 3am to assist in an emergency operation. the next thing i knew, i was holding bowels in my hands. the guy we are operating on achieved multiple gunshot wounds in the abdomen. how and why it happened was a puzzle coz we are currently under a gun ban because of the forthcoming elections. he did survive.

the last was the patient i transferred to luzon island via the RO-RO ship. he was commatosed, intubated, with no one but me. the three hours of travel we endured were the longest hours of my life. his relatives who were with us prayed that he'll make it. i prayed harder. i tell the patient from time to time to hold on. the feel of his pulse is the only thing that gave me peace in that entire trip. went home at 2am so tired but happy and relieved that i went home alone. coz if my patient died on the trip, he's gonna go home with me and that didn't happen. God is so good.

losing a patient is something a doctor cannot escape from. we may be the best, we can exhaust all the resources available, but sometimes losing a life is inevitable. losing a patient is that constant reminder to us that we, healers, are not gods. life is a grace that we must be thankful for everyday. trying to save someone is like buying time. a lot of times its begging, bargaining for another moment to live... on the opposite end, saving someone's life gives the best feeling in the world.




>>

you're everything

from duty today. currently doing paper works in our quarters when i realized its too quiet in here coz no one is around except me. decided to play some music. happy to come across this. i truly love buble.





my duty yesterday was really toxic. i wonder how much more toxic life as a resident is. just glad yesterday's over. ang sarap maging from duty. para kang nabigyan ng medal.



>>

busy holy week

this holy week is the busiest.

holy thursday, i was with these people


for this


our station was located right beside this


and since we were in pampanga, we get to see this from time to time


i left at 6pm to go to pangasinan with my bro and co. to attend the wake of his gf's lola. we left there almost midnight and received a shocking news. my nephew died the day before. cause of death: strangulation secondary to severe depression. please, sana wala ng sumunod.

good friday, we did the traditional 'libing' in our parish. i helped in dressing our image of maria cleofe, the bearer of holy water and incense used in the burial of our Lord.

today, black saturday, is the burial of my nephew. it was held in loyola memorial this morning





tomorrow, we'll do the 'salubong' in the early morn. i wish i'll have time to write the side stories before i leave again.




>>

here again

yep, im still alive and kickin' and i haven't abandoned blogging into oblivion. happiness it is to be able to travel alone even if it's just an island away. i guess it's the thrill of going to a place for the first time without knowing even a single soul there. being vulnerable can be good sometimes. i was able to make friends with a lot of people and have seen a lot of places. my trip down south was also one of the most memorable because i have done a lot of firsts. they were quite simple though like riding in a motor bike for the first time but were definitely fun indeed.

the work was quite a challenge. landing on a medical officer 3 job after the 4 months of sedentary and catatonic life was hard at first. i had to refresh my knowledge and skills to the hospital work. to tell you honestly, i had mixed emotions during my first few days. there was excitement, feeling of inadequacy, fear, and loads of stress. i thought i won't be able to finish the ten days but as they say, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and i did feel stronger after wards. and i guess, i was able to appreciate my profession more. it's the feeling of being needed and making a person well that were the most rewarding and no amount of money can replace.

life there was simple yet i was able to enjoy my stay there. there were no malls and not even the famous jollibee was in sight. the people were warm and very accommodating. i remember, my fellow physician and i were invited to a birthday party where we had disco with senior citizens. i got quite drunk because i was not able to resist when they handed me a half glass of fundador brandy and a tall glass of mixed drink made of iced tea and grand matador. we danced our heart out with their favorite ballroom songs and some new ones. they were all 'game' not minding the signs of aging though i guess we all woke up with painful joints and back. i was also able to taste the creamiest home made ice cream my taste buds have known that even a haagen dazs can't beat. i wish i can bring home some as a pasalubong for mom and dad. they will surely love it as much as i did.

next month, i have to be back there again, and i will surely take pictures to show you all the beauty of the place.




>>

before i leave

... i would like to share my new shoe purchase and some of the pictures i took last week.




got this from megamall's shoes and bags super sale last month. this wedges from keds is super comfortable. i bought it for less than a thousand bucks. i also bought a crocs for less than a thousand bucks.



medical mission in malolos. we went to a small community in the midst of barren land and rice fields. we almost got lost going there.


after the med mission, i decided to visit one of my favorite places in q.c., the C&E bookstore. their lavatory looks lovely.

my last picture before i became jobless. no doubt that the anthuriums were real.


>>

cool change

i didn't realize how hot the weather has become until i finally left the house and visited my old neighborhood in the city. malamig pa rin naman dito sa min. nakakatulog pa din ako na hindi kailangan kahit electric fan. pero sa city, hay naku ang init! and this rotating brownout really sucks big time. kamusta naman talaga. dati pag walang koryente at mainit, yung mga tao pumupunta sa mall para magpalamig pero ngayon kahit sa mall mainit na rin. considering na nasa isa sa mga ayala malls ako kanina huh. hindi kinaya ng generator nila ang mga pangyayari. ayun, 9pm pa lang nagsasara na lahat ng boutiques at kainan. eh usually may bukas pa till 10pm di ba? feel ko pa naman sana manood kanina ng sine pero wag nalang. baka pati sa sinehan mawalan ng power eh hindi ko makakayanan andun sa loob ng ganun kadilim. iaasa ko nalang yan sa dibidi. parang naging isang greenhouse nalang ang trinoma kanina at factory ng carbon dioxide. hirap huminga. para kang mauubusan ng hangin sa loob katulad ng naranasan ng namatay na mga isda sa dalampasigan ng laguna de bay.

ibang klase talaga ang taon na to. di pa tapos ang first quarter pero andami na nangyari. para akong may scolio na pilit itinutuwid and likod. ouch! on the first day of this month came the realization of how much i miss doing the consultation thing; seeing patients again, listening to their problems, and making them well. thanks to ate madel who dragged me to a medical mission somewhere in malolos. it was more like an omen though coz i lost my so called job when i got home.

kamustasa talaga. im the girl who almost lost everything. I --- lost friends, lost job, lost my only source of income for four months. hay buhay. pero kahit pa, i never questioned God. i didn't ask if this was His way of showing His love for me. i have faith that everything has it's purpose and are always for the better. it wasn't a question of love. it's a matter of faith. i remember when i had to leave my job(s) because of my condition, i thought i would go back to my old parasite self asking mom for my needs and wants but then i was able to find another job that suits my restrictions. when my life was in the trough, He didn't leave me empty handed. so Now, maybe, this is His way of telling me that those days were over. now i must go and claim my life back.

lo and behold, after three days, meron na kong nahanap na bagong raket. eto lang ang masarap sa pagmomoonlight. pag ayaw mo na, e di iwan mo. madaling umayaw, at madali ding humanap ng iba. para ka lang nagpapalit ng panty. hehe. but, at isang malaking BUT yun, quality ones are so hard to find. sana lang enjoy tong nahanap ko kase mejo matagal din akong mawawala.

so a few days from now, ill be leaving this hot and humid place with it's rotating brownouts. ill be in that small island somewhere in the south, alone, to do what i missed doing and enjoy the rush of the ocean.



>>

heto na naman..

mid career crisis to the highest level na naman ito. naguguluhan na naman ako. hay naku. ano ba talaga??? ay- em or peedia? dito or sa labas? alin alin alin ang naiba?

peedia vs ay-em

peedia: lahat nalang sila go peedia. sabi pa ng isa kong ka- berks 'i think you will do well with kids'
trulilee??

ay- em: sa lahat ng med books ko, eto ang pinakamarami. ibig kayang sabihin nito may sekretong pagtingin (parang crush lang) ako sa ay-em dati pa kaya gusto ko bumili ng kung anu- anong book ng ay-em at hindi ko lang sya napapansin?


hmmmmmm..... at isa pang hmmmmmm...





>>

crossing my fingers

my week consists of studying andrew's then thinking, re- evaluating, and planning my next step. pedia or derma? hmmm. i still want to try on both. and freaking out to get the cash i need to meet the uber expensive application gimmicks of derma. i'm shelling out thousands of cash from my own pocket for those exams. ouch!

im dying to get into residency. i never planned to stay long in moonlighting. it's not that i don't enjoy earning money but time is more of my concern. time is precious for me. also, i wanted the perks that goes with residency like living in the metro (sorry mom) and hopefully hopefully getting a car (crossing my fingers). i like the idea of living alone. nobody knows how proud i feel whenever i go to the grocery alone buying stuffs for my apartment. hay. i really love being independent.

i was hoping to post a picture of ponds' latest facial foam with salysilic acid. i saw its advertisement while watching my favorite soap (tayong dalawa). i made a mental note to buy one when i pass by watson's but had second thoughts when i remembered i recently bought the new nivea deep pore cleanser which i haven't used yet.

i added links here to the blogs that i am addicted to. i don't know personally the owners of those blogs but sure know them since almost all of them are celebrities and one is a sister of my colleague. the common interests we share made me a follower. the things they post from architecture, clothes, accessories, food, landscapes, places and other beautiful things plus the inspiring thoughts they write makes me dream more, hope more, aspire more and yes, sometimes drool. someday someday i will land in one of those lifestyle shows and they will feature my house, farm, business establishment, or luxury vacation house. hehe

there's this song from boyz II men that was playing in my head since yesterday. sort of last song syndrome. im pretty lucky i got the song in my iTunes. the title is water runs dry. i really love it. arrangement was nice. although the lyrics is a little sad and i can't relate to it as of pres time. i guess it's the voice quality and harmony that makes it really sounds good. the voice of boyz II men is timeless! i also love the new buble's song haven't met you yet. can't help but replay it 10x before i move on to the next track. hehe.

this camera i like. hmmm kelan kaya ako magkakroon ng ganito?

the , canon g11









>>