internship et cetera

yesterday, i went to USTH to find out what happened to my application there. well, good news is that, my name was posted for interview. bad news was, the interview took place last september 27. i talked to the secretary hoping to get another chance for an interview but sad to say, the doctors already decided not to accept interns for november. hay sayang. it will be a good opportunity pa naman to know my paternal roots. my relatives from my father's side really intrigues me. my dad didn't have the chance to know them because my paternal grandfather died when my dad was only 5 years old and he grew up in my lola's hometown.

when we were driving home from the grad ball, dabs was telling us she remember lola told her once that they were lolo's second family. my mom knew someone who has our surname but only too late that he died before she had the chance to introduce him to my dad. but my mom swears that the person has some resemblance of my dad. i wonder if its also true what my intern in jose reyes (and graduate of UST) told me that i look like the person he knew in UST bearing also the same surname. are those people really connected to us? do we have the same roots? im hoping to find that out in the near future or at least before my dad dies. i may have lost the chance but i'll sure find another way.

graduation ball

last october 17 was my graduation ball held at the garden ballroom of edsa shagrila hotel. Papsi was my escort. here are some of the picslast october 17 was my graduation ball held at the garden ballroom of edsa shagrila hotel. Papsi was my escort. here are some of the pics:

paps and me

my prime- mates

at the grand stairs

Friends, meet my new pamangkin. he's John Mathew

Ca's Birthday Party

words that healed me

In the darkest time of a person’s life, true friends always come to the rescue. You may not see them often but when you need them, they won’t fail you. They will be there… in any way possible.

There were a few sms I was keeping for sometime now. they were the messages of my friends that I got after they learned about the break up. Their words really got in to me that I found myself crying while reading them. I felt so loved. the comfort of knowing that they are there gave me that certain “push” to keep going.

I still wanted to keep those messages even now that I have replaced my sim card with a new one. that’s why I decided to post them here.

“…dat’s so sad to hear and it seems unfair, I wish I cud be der for you, I guess u deserve someone better, matigas din kase ulo mo hehe… smile best! Remember you are a good catch okie? I’ll always be here best… always”

“Bud, don’t blame yourself, tulad ng sinabi ko, there are things beyond our control.. They happen because they are meant to happen exactly this time with you and with him... maybe may fault kayong dalawa pero kahit anong gawin natin to hold things, when they are not for us, they will pass…”

Dryn and Elaine, my two angels, maraming salamat.

to my two best friends who were my sounding board even from the start, Papsi and Tina, Salamat.

missing my chamber

I finally came home after staying in manila for three weeks. My last stint as an outside rotator in clerkship is over. what a relief. Hay nakahinga na ko ng maluwag. Natapos na din ang paghihirap ko sa jose reyes. Hehehe.

i was hoping that when I get home, i can shut my self inside my room and tuck myself in my own bed. But then, to my disappointment, ate was there with her family. They would be staying there until the bathroom in their room is finished. I hate it.

i’m a person who needs time alone. I need a place where I can shut myself out of the world and have some quiet time alone. Coz everyday, i meet different people. In the hospital, I take care of patients, know where they hurt, and help them as much as I can. If im not with patients, I’m with my co- clerks. I share the lounge with them. I sleep, eat, and get toxic with them. when I went to manila, I shared room with papsi or Elaine coz I didn’t get my own place to cut down expenses. Somehow it feels I get tired just by being surrounded by people.

My room is my resting place. That’s where I recharge after my busy day and where I think of my plans. My room is an extension of myself. It gives me peace just by being there. And now that I’m home, I can’t have it like the way I used to. Instead, im staying with my parents room. Para akong border sa sarili kong bahay nito. Hay kainis talaga. Hmm…

Now I’m thinking, sana I have my own place already. Di bale, two more months and im out of here. I’ll make sure I’ll stay in manila for internship. And then I’ll have my own nook. My own sanctuary hehehe.

To papsi and Elaine, thank you for taking me in. I’m thankful to have friends like you. I hope in one way or another I was able to make you happy during my stay in your places. J

fragments

"It is only in the mysterious equations of love that any logical reason can be found."


it's my last day here in elaine's apartment. i'll be back home tomorrow. sigh. i wonder how's everybody back home.

==============================

yesterday i was walking in the streets of rizal avenue after my shift in jose reyes. i felt a sense of freedom. i realized, if we are still together, id probably be scared walking on that street alone... but now i know i can do it. and it feels so good.

==============================

i still haven't made up my mind where i 'm gonna apply for internship. hmmm... saan kaya?

==============================

i finished the whole season of grey's. bitin! kelan ba lalabas yung kasunod???

=============================
magaling magdala:
'kakabreak mo lang? di halata. mukhang ok ka naman.'

psyche sub group

these too shall pass

i do not intend to be a snob nor to hurt anybody's feelings for not returning text messages that were sent to me. i know you all care for me a lot but please do know, that inspite of all these things that i'm going through, i truly appreciate your thoughtfulness. you may have known that my relationship is going through tough times and i would not deny that i am deeply hurting because of it. the past has taught me a lot of things and now is the time to show that i have learned a lesson- that running away was never the solution. it may have saved me from grief for sometime but it didn't save me from living each day without a regret... the regret of not doing everything. and that hurts much much more. i am saying this not because i wanted you to understand me. you do not have to.but at least know where i stand. i know that i cannot guarantee that i will succeed in the end and knowing that, i also have to be prepared for the worse...

sabi nga nila: when it rains, it pour. i didn't know it can be a double- edged sword.

clerkship gave me a lot of my first. and one of them is getting a recommendation for dismissal. i do not want to discuss the details nor explain to defend what our subgroup did. for now i just wanted to leave it as that.

can i keep this distance for a few days more? somehow the silence gives me a lot of room to think and in a way gives me space away from the world. i cannot think about the future now. i live one day as it comes. that much i can only take for now.

please help me pray.

Lasing sa asukal

yan ang nangyari sa min ni papsi kagabi. i went to his new apartment and we had a little post celebration of my birthday in sm san lazaro. we ate cake and ice cream which i believe i was not able to finish eating. we both felt dizzy afterwards. i swear, i wont be eating ice cream and cake in one sitting for a very long time.

remembering medicine

internal medicine was my first toxic rotation. just like to share my previous experiences before it went to oblivion

• parang buong hospital ang hawak ko. monitor dito, monitor doon. para na kong robot. sa sobrang dami, hindi ka pa tapos sa lahat, q1 ka na ulit.
• lima lang kaming magkaka- group sa duty. kulang pa kami para magmonitor ng buong hospital. pano na lang pag may E.R. call? it happened to us one time. at isa lang sa min ang nagbantay ng buong ward (pay at service).
  
• golden rule pag duty: wag kumain ng pansit, spaghetti, lomi, o kahit anong mahaba pag duty kundi magiging toxic ang duty mo. beware. this never fail.
• duty ako ng december 25 at january 31. sa ICU/CCU ako nun. honestly, naiyak ako sa sobrang lungkot.. at muntik na magutom dahil wala ng delivery ng food pagsapit ng gabi.
• first time ko gumawa ng IV insertion at co- clerk ko ang nagturo sa kin kung pano. first time ko din naglagay ng NGT at co- clerk ko pa rin ang nagturo kung pano.
  

RMC

• first outside rotation ko ang RMC (Rizal Medical Center) duty from duty status kami dun. as in every other day lang na ligo at every other day na tulog.
• wala kaming pgi nung nasa RMC kami kaya sobrang kawawa kami dun. huhuhu. hindi kami nagkikita nung partner ko pano ba naman, post namin ER at ward. (kung may intern sana ward lang kami pareho ng partner ko)
  
• ward work in rmc: insertion ng IV, ngt, catheter, push ng mannitol, monitoring ng more than a hundred patients, extraction, CTT monitoring at bottle replacement, cardiac massage, ambubagging ng pay ward, service ward at ICU
  
• ER work in RMC: same as above except for CTT monitoring and mannitol push, history and PE, gumawa ng request for diagnostics, magreseta, at mag- dispose ng patients. good and bad thing is magka- level lang kami ng resident ko ng trabaho.
• sa ER post, kain bid (twice a day), urine output od (once a day), tulog--- tulog???? kahit upo wala.
  
• OPD pag from duty. mga 200 to 300 patients per day doon. usually, 3 lang kaming nandoon- ako, co- clerk ko, at isang resident. pero 3pm or 4 kami nakakauwi. pano namin nagagawa yon? hehe isang minuto bawat pasyente. history-labs- reseta- dispose. pantay- pantay lang kami ng trabaho.
• all in all natuto akong maging mabilis sa RMC... at oo nga pala, natuto rin ako gumamit ng ecg machine.

EAST AVENUE MEDICAL CENTER

• isa lang po ang ecg machine at ang bagal pa nya.
  
• hindi na kailangang magmonitor. silipin mo lang ang mga rooms.
• you really have to check your patients dahil baka magulat ka na lang nag- aarest na pala sila... which happens most of the time
• masarap ang cake sa East Ave!
• first time ko sumakay ng ambulance. nagconduct ako ng patient sa isang CT scan center.
  
• first time ko nakapag- arterial extraction and i successfully got a sample.
• isang linggo ako nagduty dito at araw- araw ako nag- CPR.
  

feeling blue on my birthday

• dryn left for australia yesterday. he's going to study there until december of this year. he'll be home right after to prepare for his wedding on january next year. his fiance' and i will get in touch while he's away so i can help her for the wedding. i dont know how will i be able to do that. i have no idea about weddings. but i really hope i can help her
  
• my relationship has becoming rough these days. hay. rather not talk about it
• me and my boyfriend's sister are textmates. she has no idea what's happening to her brother and me...and it's better that way.
• my cousin passed the physician's licensure exam. hay salamat.
  
• it's my birthday today. im quarter of a century old... and my favorite color for today is blue
  

im back in home base

• my rotation in national center for mental health ended last feb 14. we gave a party for our patients in zonta- shangrila. it was nice to see them having fun. i didn't have a date last valentine but those people made my valentines worthwhile. (jemay and i had an early valentines date)
  

• im still in my psychiatry rotation. i'll be serving for two weeks more but this time, it's in feu hospital. life is so benign here. as in our only everyday dilemma is where and what to eat for lunch. ang benign di ba?
  

• ill be celebrating my birthday in a couple of days and i'll be turning a quarter- of- a- century- old. two years ago i planned that if i reached that age, i will be more health conscious. i have a strong family history of hypertension so i really have to watch my health. i still wanted to see my kids grow and have their own family. and considering the career that i have chosen, starting a family will be a little bit later for me. so starting thursday, i'll be eating meat and oily foods in moderation until i learn to get it out of my system. hay. its goodbye lechong baboy and chicharon for me.

• last saturday, i had an early birthday celebration with my parents. we went to tagaytay and had a nice lunch in viewsite restaurant. originally, we planned to go to calaruega in nasugbu, batangas after we drive my sister, dabsy, and her officemates to canyon woods. but since we have to wait until 2 pm in picnic grove before we bring them there, we decided to have a joy ride instead and just enjoy the view and the cool breeze of the place. tagaytay' s picnic grove has a new spot called 'picnic village.' its a pretty nice place where you can buy a lot of novelty items, eat, or play arcades. what i really loved was the cozy lunch we had in viewsite restaurant. it's a big veranda overlooking the lake. i was very overwhelmed when i saw how close you can see the taal volcano. it's really breath taking. a trio (2 guitarists and one plays a cello) go around from table to table and sing for their customers. not so many people dine there so it wasnt really toxic for them to do it. and you can even request for songs for them to play for you. they were really good in singing spanish songs so my dad requested one for me. its really a romantic place. so friends, if you later on decide to propose to your girl, it's one of the romantic place i highly recommend. just make sure to plan it when there's sunlight coz she'll miss the view at night or if its foggy. food was good. they let you pick your fish of choice and they will cook it the way you wanted (parang "dampa" restaurant). the only drawback is, the food costs really much (its like dining in a five star hotel). but considering the ambiance and all, its worth it naman.

• future plans. ive been thinking lately a lot about my future plans. so far, i havent made a concrete plan yet but im getting there. im towards reaching a turning point in my life and i know that whatever my decision now will greatly affect my future. its sad that i cannot please everybody but then i know that if i will not make my own choice, im going to regret it for the rest of my life.

psyche out

im in a new rotation. i'll be serving in psychiatry for 1 month. for my first two weeks, i'll be in the national center for mental health in mandaluyong. it's pretty scary being there for the first time. it seems to me that anybody not in white uniform is a psycho. i was assigned in the pediatric pavilion named zonta- shangrila. zonta is the pavilion for girls and shagrila for boys. i'll be working only in shangrila though together with my partner. yesterday, i was assigned in the out patient department and i got to examine a lot of patients with "undifferentiated schizophrenia." and i also got to do a complete physical exam in a patient who was for admission. scary. really. physical exam for a mentally challenged person is different. i have to work behind my patient for security purposes- to avoid being spitted/kicked/punched. today, i'll be on my first duty. i may be assigned in the ER or the ACIS (dont ask me what it stands for. i dont know either. what i know is that those patients who were previously seen in the ER and are for admission are placed there first). i just wish my partner and i will have the same post. and hopefully go home alive tomorrow. hehe

classics:
me: kelan kayo nagagalit
px: pag tulog ako
---
intern: kumain ka na ba?
px: ayokong kumain
intern: bakit?
px: sumasakit tyan ko
intern: bakit sumasakit tyan mo?
px: kasi hindi ako kumakain:
intern: bakit di ka kumakain?
px:kasi sumasakit tyan ko... doc, tama na. wag nyo na po ako tanungin.
intern: bakit?
px: napupwersa kase utak ko sa tanong nyo e.
------
Kwentong ROBOT

Rx
Biperiden 2mg/tab

Sig:
uminom ng isang tableta para sa reaksyon sa gamot katulad ng pagrorobot, paglalaway, at paninigas ng panga.

-----
px: doc, ayoko ng inumin yan. nagrorobot ako e. ang hirap maglaba pag
nagrorobot.
me: (i can only imagine. laughs)

there's more to come.

DNR DNI

my patient died just as i was about to leave the hospital. he's a 26 year old male who has community acquired pneumonia- high risk. upon x- ray, his lungs showed lobar pneumonia, right middle and lower lobes. i took care of him for 4 days and i've been pretty close with him and his wife. it was pretty disappointing that we were not able to save his life... sayang talaga sya. he's young, laging smiling face kahit hirap na huminga. this morning, he went to arrest and was luckily revived. nakakiyak kanina habang inaambubag ko sya. kinakausap sya ng nanay nya. sinasabi sa kanya na humingi sya ng tawad sa dyos... na wag syang mag- alala dahil hindi nya papabayaan yung anak nya (he has a 1 year old kid)... na mahal na mahal sya ng nanay nya... i wanted to cry with her then. but i knew that i was not suppose to do that... i was asking myself then, how do you shut yourself from all those anguish and sorrow happening right before your eyes. how do we deny ourselves of being HUMAN?


(DNR- do not resuscitate DNI- do not intubate )