baby on the way, my latest addiction , and preparing for school

Yes, I admit that I have been ammenorrheic for the past three months but NO, im not pregnant. there are a lot of probable causes but im one hundred and one percent sure a fetus in my womb did not cause it. Actually, its my friend, ate Noreen who’s gonna have another baby. I remember when we were both praying she wont get pregnant again- not at least before graduation- so she wont have a (very) hard time in her studies. One time when she thought that she was, we quickly went to the hospital lab and asked for a free pregnancy kit. We did the test in the comfort room and I remember some of her pee spilled in my notebook. Gross! Hahaha. Though the test was invalid, maybe due to the busted pregnancy kit or because of our nervousness, it turned out to be negative. She had her period three weeks after we did the test.

when summer vacation came, eto na naman kami... when she texted me she collapsed in the church, we again asked the question which is becoming a hundred million worth already- is she pregnant? this time, her sister, who is an ob-gyn confirmed it. her daughter's gonna have a new sibling.

hmmm... kaya naman pala...He let this happen to us (ate and i wont be classmates this semester because she failed two subjects). another blessing in disguise. of course i'm happy for her coz she will have a less stressful sked but im sure gonna miss our kalokohan and kakulitan. one of those things that i'll terribly miss is that when our feelings are down we'll both wish we're showbiz stars like kris aquino who spend sleepless nights to earn millions and doesnt having to go through the pressures of med school. then we'll both laugh in the end with our silly thoughts.

yes, im an addict- again. ate (my true-blooded sister) got a new phone and whoa! it's got new games in it. 'new' as in hindi lang snakes. may iba na wala yung mga lumang nokia. hehe. and so here i am. thanks to the new game that im so in to- im spending a lot of time playing and beating the top score which is none other than mine coz im the only one playing it since she got her phone. and because im sooo addicted, i even offered we switch phones. hay, now my 'review series' is ruined.

yes, im getting my self ready to be grilled again. it's three days more to go before school starts. i went to the mall a couple of days to go to buy new stuffs for school. notebook, ballpen, highlighter highlighter- a lot of highlighter, envelopes envelopes- a lot of envelopes... jeez i got really tired walking to- and -fro in the national book store to buy the things that i need and LIKE. you see it has to be both- in perfect combination. hehehe i also went to the parlor and have a new haircut. my hair is now shorter. i think i look younger din (i say it's my hair- ala pantene commercial). i also finished doing my own bullet-type review series of ten chapters of harrison. im proud of myself for being able to do them despite the temptation to procrastinate but im also sad that i wasnt able to finish ten more chapters. hey, im tired already. besides, my addiction's eating most of my time now.

oh i'm getting anxious again... about this semester, my new subjects, new doctor- lecturers, new ward work- pedia ward, new set of classmates, hmm... im beginning to be scared huhuhu.

btw ospital ng maynila's gonna open on monday. it's back to toxicity for the clerks of plm too. sabay tayo sa ka- toxic-an. funny when elaine told me it drive them nuts that they dont have a busy sked for the past two weeks ('benign', as they call it). hehehe. i know they've been praying for a time- out but when they got it, ayun, tinatakot naman yung mga sarili nila. hay, praning talaga med students. look what they have done to us!!!!

i remember mom cooked my fav ginatang mais a couple of days too. hehe. im getting so takaw nowadays. i guess papsi and i are now the opposites. he do the dieting while i do all the eating. well, i have to enjoy now. coz next year, i have to fulfill my promise that i'll stop eating red meat and fat as in taba ng baboy- which i also love to chew- at 25 (then cut half on sweets at 30).

tomorrow's gonna be a manaoag day for me. im gonna pray really hard. i remember when our class offered a mass before the finals, we didn't know what we'll write in the petition. we joked that we should write there '...deliver us from all evil like pedia and medicine' hehe. well that's a part of what im gonna pray for.

on sunday will be my last major date with my baby before school. i wonder what's our itinerary. he told me it's gonna be a surprise. i bet its all walk... ala mla walking tours hehehe.

tata for now, everyone. help me pray that im gonna make it this semester.

hay antok pa ko

it's just thursday morning pero marami ng taong naglalakad. syempre, mas marami yung ngatitinda. pero mas konti pa din yung ngayon kesa dati...

buti na lang kahapon konti lang yung nilakad namin. hay. pero pagod pa rin as usual. its the first time jemay attended the libing. hehe. after all these years, ngayon lang. :) happy.

two weeks from now i'll be starting my last (really hope so) semester in the academe. ayoko pa. hindi pa ko ready... hehehe

Random thoughts

1. toxicity barometer on the rise
'umorder ka na ba ng silverman? darating yung sa min ngayon e'
'naku, e di mag- uumpisa ka na magbasa at mag- memorize?

'madali lang ang medicine. matakot ka sa pedia'

- salamat sa mga pananakot. dahil sa inyo nagbabasa na ko ng harrison.

2. masarap maging masaya kung wala kang nasasaktan.. but is that possible na wala ka talagang masasaktan?

3. hay, madami akong gagawin. kelangan pa palang umalis. syet. hanggang anong oras kaya ako mawawala?

4. why does this have to happen to me? why did i have to be at that point in time? sana umatras na lang ako. magalit na ang magalit.

5. tanga mo, marge. naging kumplikado lang ang mga bagay- bagay.

6. trust the future. if it's bound to happen, it will.

back to my old alma mater

i went to my old school last wednesday. best invited me to come coz he's gonna be the guest speaker in the recognition ceremony. naks. tumatanda na kami. dati, kami ang nandoon... nakaupo at nakikinig. ngayon, isa na sa min ang pinakikinggan. late ako dumating kaya hindi ko nakita si dryn. habang hinihintay ko syang mag- speech, naglibot muna ako. aba, ang dami na palang pagbabago! ang ganda na ng luma kong iskwelahan. parang kelan lang... every now and then may mga taong lumalapit sa kin. nakakatuwa na kilala pa nila ako... at pare- pareho lang sila ng tanong sa kin. 'o kamusta na? san ka na ngayon? nagtatrabaho ka na?' kaya iisa lang din ang sagot. 'mabuti po, nag- aaral pa po.' nakakatuwang isipin na dati, isang batang paslit lang tingin nila sa kin pero ngayon, habang kausap ko sila nararamdaman ko yung pagiging proud nila sa kin.

inintroduce na yung guest speaker.naisip ko, kung ako kaya ang magsasalita, ano kayang introduction ang ibibigay nila sa kin? sa ngayon wala pa.hehehe. ..i could only make up what i can and wanted to achieve in the future. hmmm... ano din kaya ang sasabihin ko sa speech ko? siguro i'll never forget to say na ang tunay na kontribusyon ng pagiging carmelian sa tagumpay ng bawat gradweyt ay ang pagdevelop sa kanilang karakter. knowledge may be forgotten and replaced by new things but the values that were implanted in our hearts will forever be there. and guess, that's the best weapon we achieved by being a carmelian. we survived the world outside because we are equipped emotionally and most importantly, spiritually.

after the recognition, best treated us in sm. kasama pala nya si rhodsie sa harap. hehehe. actually, alam ko na darating sya at sya lang talaga ang pinunta ko. namimiss ko na kase ang babaeng yun. marami akong nalaman na mga bagay- bagay sa kanya... hmmm chismis ito. pero on top of that, nakakalungkot isipin na ganun ang nangyari...

'pumunta kami sa pahiyas that time. pinuntahan nya kami dun. natahimik na lang ako nung nakita ko sya. plunging neckline...may kulay ang buhok... hindi ko alam na buntis na pala sya nun. ayun. hi- hello lang.'

shocked? ako din. na- speechless din ako dun. of all people, i never thought na sya pa magiging ganun. buhay talaga. full of surprises.

oh craig!

muh favorite song now

ho humm

i've been reading my posts for the past 5 mos and i've realized how bad i' ve wrote. sorry guys, blame it to toxicity. my gray matter couldn't have stand the ruthless nights and days of reading and memorizing countless facts and trash from my biblical medical books that it seems so hard to force anything out from it. well, life as a bum could never been so uhm... boring. for my first week of staying in the house, full- time, i've read two topics 'viral hepatitis' and 'hypertension'. actually, im just half-way through with both hehe. hay, it seems med school has really gotten in me that i can't stand a day without reading anything.

yesterday could have been a more 'fruitful' day for me if only my phone didn't ran out of prepaid. darn. hate it when it happens. of all the time in the world... it happened in the very minute that i badly needed it. so there i was strolling in sm north ALONE. trying to see if i can get a reload anywhere and eventually find nothing. hay, i just can imagine papsi hating me for asking him where he was and if he's gonna do anything and not replying to him and worse, not being able to answer his calls. hay, when i felt my phone vibrating, i was already in the middle of elliptical road, about to go home.

on my way, i decided to pass by feu hospital to ask how much HBsAb is. my doctor prescribed the test on the last week of march but i wasnt able to accomplish it due to my very busy schedule. when i was there, i took a glimpse of the outpatient department and i saw a familiar guy sorting little pieces of paper in one of the drawers. 'totoo na ito, clerk na sila,' i said to myself as i felt a chill run down my spine.

i have my own share of anxiety about clerkship. well maybe my share is a little bit bigger than anybody else that i wanted to skip it na lang and just go straight into graduation. the only things that made me come to terms with my apprehension were the stories of my buddy, elaine, about her duties. i guess what really scare me about clerkship is not being able help save a life because i don't know things or i forgot about them... it's the feeling of inadequacy and self- frustration that i am really afraid of. that one day, in my rounds, im going to ask myself where the hell i was when things were lectured to us. and that im going to realize that ive learned nothing in those three years that i sit in the classroom listening and/ or trying to listen and in so many sleepless nights of forcing multitude of facts in my brain which is in near liquefaction due to lack of sleep and stress. i just hope i'll be able to remember my bud's stories when its my time to be a clerk, which is not so far from now.

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THE MANILA WALKING TOURS

ok, so i guess im a little frustrated when i learned about the walking tours and how literal those words would be. i've been interested the moment i've read one of papsi's friends entry about it that i wanted to try joining in one of the tours this vacation. well, touring manila on foot is ok with me but with this kind of summer's heat... yay! ayoko. im 99 percent sure, i wont be able to enjoy it.

I am a frustrated tourist and i wanted to go wherever and whenever my schedule and my budget permits. what i really like about going is not the actual place that i will be visiting but the experience of going there. for me, sitting at the back of the driver is the most fun part. that's the time when i can get in touch with my thoughts and my wild imagination. but most of the time i enjoy seeing a lot of things that we passed by, like a movie strip rolling in my window. ok, so i guess im not just a frustrated tourist but a frustrated director too. i often joked that what i really like to go into was film and directing and i was just fooled by my eyesight. pareho kaseng 'd' at 'r' yung umpisa at dulo. akala ko yun na yun (director at doctor) hehehe. hmmm, well that's another story.

so i guess i would be spending my second to the last vacation at home. i just hope my mom would be kind enough to arrange an outing before i go back to school like hear a mass in Manaoag or a swimming spree in one of subic's beaches. hmm.. i must still be dreaming.