APPLE of my eyes

I've been to my niece debut party tonight. It's been nine years since the last time I saw her and her siblings. I can still remember the times when mom would take one of the two girls in our house and we'll take care of them for a week. those kids have gone through a lot of hard times since their mom died… Looking at them now, I cannot help but get amazed with how much the've grown. Halos hindi ko na sila makilala. Especially Raylord, the youngest and the only boy, who looks older than his age. Iba talaga nagagawa ng hangin sa states. Hehehe.

My aunt, cousins, and I can't help but get emotional starting when Apple read her Dad's letter… nakakatuwa. just wanna share the first part coz it really touched me... the day she was born, kuya and my cousin were so scared because she didn't cry at first. He held him so close to him (even if she was covered with blood) and didn't let go of her until the moment she cried. Before handling her to the nurse, he whispered to her 'welcome to this world, baby. You're the apple of my eyes.' And I guess that's how she got her nickname. (wink wink).I also remember the time of Ate Edith's funeral. On the last blessing, Kuya Marvin opened the casket and kissed her on the lips as if she was still alive. He cried and whispered to her 'I love you.' (wink wink). Even if I was still young then, I can sense so much love in him. at that momemt I wished that someday, I could find someone like him…

I almost cried when my aunt hugged Kuya Marvin. They weren't in good terms the time he and the kids left the country. I could only guess how much emotion she had let go when she hugged him… well, I guess, time has already healed the wounds of yesterday.

The three of them- Apple, Vina, and Raylord, remind me how good God is. That through the dark clouds, there's always the sun shining. That even in darkness, there's hope… there is GOD.

I realized now, I should live life to the fullest and love LOVE to the fullest. Zeng taught me to seize the day, coz anything can happen tomorrow. We do not take hold of anything. Who knows, maybe tomorrow we'll be robbed off with our future without even having the chance to do or say whatever is in our heart. My nieces and nephew taught me to hope even if it feels the world is turning its back on you. They also made me realize how beautiful life is. Even with all the hardship and sadness existence might caused us, it is still a beautiful world and it is still a wonderful life.

God is really good. He always remind me of beautiful things during my darkest days.

live life to the fullest

cybermed has already returned blogspot (thanks. wink wink). it's already 5.20 on my watch but i'm still here in school. i still have to attend a meeting with the MSC president. actually, i should't be a part of it since i am only an assistant secretary of our class but i guess, with what had happened to Zeng, i will take her place for the rest of the semester.

the news about her sickness really shocked us all. she was diagnosed with viral encephalitis. from what i heard from our classmates who already visited her, she was into coma for three days. and now, the only response they can get from her everytime they called her name is eye opening. i do not know what her GCS score is. her family wouldn't disclose it to us. but i guess it's a pretty bad number. i could only hope that she can restore her normal functions when she get out of it. hindi na importante kung hindi na sya makakapag- med basta mabuhay lang sya ng normal.

i do not know where she got the disease. we were speculating that she may have gotten it in the ward if not in other public places. the inoculation could have occured months before the signs and symptoms. that kept us wondering now, are we still safe? do we have to do something to be sure that we didn't get infected?

naiisip ko tuloy kung sa kin nangyari yun. ewan ko... hindi pa ko handa. marami pa kong hindi nagagawa... pano kung hindi na ko makabalik para magawa yun?

hay....

please help us pray for Zeng.

carpe diem.

without you

Paolo Santos Lyrics

all under one heaven

i watched the sona yesterday. that's the true sona of the president no less. madami kaseng ambitious people who are doing their own sona just to grab attention from the public. i was actually thinking if she would resign in the middle of the speech. buti na lang hindi. i guess staying as the president, despite the call for resignation and other black propaganda against her and her family, she is already doing the 'supreme sacrifice'. i wonder if those people on the streets wanting her to resign realize the confusion it will make if she step down. the true issue here is not about honesty. no politician can claim that he is honest, i repeat, NO ONE! the true issue here is, who will take over? a lot of personalities have gone out declaring their wanting to become the next leader. pwede ba, kung si eddie gil lang din or someone like him, wag na lang po. plus, governors especially in mindanao, have declared that if gloria step down, they will have their own republic. mas magulo di ba? i don't have a personal liking for Mrs. Arroyo but i believe she is the only one suited to lead considering the present situation. i remember tuloy that chinese film, Hero. i hope one realize that even how bad the image the head has now, she is still the one person who can keep the nation as one. ironic it may seem but looking at the whole picture, that's the truth.

i hope they'll be able to make the charter change as soon as possible.

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i thought i have run far enough, only to realize i was just running in circles. when will the long yearning end?

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that's it. puno na ko. thanks to the person who taught me when to call it 'tama na.' i know that i can hold so much patience even though people are saying ugly things even in front of me. pati na din ugly gestures. you know me, ayoko ng gulo, kaya as much as possible, quiet na lang ako.pero, don't they realize how mean they are?por que pa silang tinawag na 'friends.' siguro, this time i have to speak it out. siguro naman may marerealize yung taong yun afterwards. i hope he will.

change the world

Ate Noreen and I had a late lunch today in a fast food chain somewhere along Regalado. It was actually a birthday treat. Her birthday was last week but since it was prelims week, she decided to celebrate it today. Ate's one of the few friends I have in med school. Having a little chat with her every school day alleviates my sadness. Kase, most of the time, books kaharap or hand- outs. As in ganon ka- toxic. Hindi mo na makuhang makipag- usap sa katabi mo.

Hay, it's nice to have her around. Someone older to understand and to listen. And to divert my attention to something else like family life, motherhood and the likes.

While waiting for her to return to our table, I just realized why parang may mabigat sa dibdib ko since the moment we entered the resto.. Hmmm. Blame it to the place. I was there exactly one year, eight months and twenty three days ago. And I haven't returned there since then… until today.

Papsi and I were in Gateway the other day. On our way there, this song was on the radio.

If I could reach the stars I'd pull one down for you
Shine it on my heart so you could see the truth
That this love I have inside is everything it seems
But for now I find it's only in my dreams

That I can change the world
I would be the sunlight in your universe
You will think my love was really something good
Baby if I could change the world

If I could be king even for a day
I'd take you as my queen I'd have it no other way
And our love will rule in this kingdom we have made
Till then I'd be a fool wishin' for the day

That I can change the world
I would be the sunlight in your universe
You will think my love was really something good
Baby if I could change the world
Baby if I could change the world

That I can change the world
I would be the sunlight in your universe
You will think my love was really something good
Baby if I could change the world
Baby if I could change the world
Baby if I could change the world

-change the world by eric clapton-

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i had another nightmare last night. i thought i wouldn't be able to regain consciousness. thank God i did. i was so scared i slept in my parent's room. i hope tonight i won't have another one.

what will really set me free

Nakahanap na rin ako ng time to post. actually, i've been through a lot of things this past few weeks that i wasn't able to find the time to post. as usual, i've been busy with school work. but i guess i'm lucky that i still get to have decent sleep unlike last school year. cybermed had already blocklisted blogspot so i cannot anymore do my posting there when an opportunity comes. anyways, prelims starts next week. haven't set my review sked yet. probably later.

well, what really made the most impression was the realization that i had a weekend ago. i decided to see him eventhough i was not feeling well. i do not usually cancel appointments. i do not want others to feel the disappointment over something they have already anticipated and have looked forward to. i guess that's how much i love people who are important to me : ) the realization came when i was on my way home. i realized, seeing him was not making any good. i think when the next opportunity comes, i have to beg off. it's a shame that of all people, he was the one who endear me to the what should have been an oblivion. the irony of it all was that they don't even have any bit of a resemblance. i guess what he lacks was the trigger of the nostalgia. the truth... though hard to accept, is something i cannot evade now. i must admit, it required me a lot of courage to acknowledge it. i cannot let myself be, sooner or later, consumed by it. it must be done. the truth must be faced. it does not however mean that plans must be changed in doing it.

good mawning!

woke up early for this

sick again but still working

'nature herself is working out the primal curse which doomed the tenderest of her creatures to the sharpest of her trials, but the fierce extremity of suffering has been stepped in the waters of forgetfulness, and the deepest furrow in the knotted brow of agony has been smoothed forever.'

Oliver Wendell Holmes
neurologist- poet-philosopher who first coined the word 'anaesthesia'

-mukhang kelangan ko nun pero naisip ko, analgesic na lang kase kelangan kong maging conscious para magawa yung mga kelangan kong tapusin : D