messages sent

i just thought of writing something for everyone...at least for those people whom i have been with for the longest time without having the chance to say what i really feel about. hehehe. i guess i just feel a little sentimental now that 2005 is about to end. happy new year, everyone! i hope next year will be a fruitful year for all of us.

• ate noreen, thank you for being my 'kasangga' in school. i know i'm a pain in the ass but you're the only one who could endure my kakulitan and katarayan. thank you. i really appreciate you for being like a big sister. i'm looking forward for more days of tsismisan. i'll always be your friend even if we're tons of handouts apart. hehehe.
• mom and dad, the more i mature, the more i appreciate everything you have done for us. now i realized how lucky i was to be born in this family. thank you for all the sacrifices that you did. i love you.
• papsi, no matter where you will be, always remember that there's someone you can look back to. we'll be here, always proud of whatever you will achieve. papsi, salamat. for all the help you've given me. may the Lord bless you with so much more. i also wish that in God's time, you'll find the girl that will complete your happiness.
• ishtar, though there are times the two of us don't like each other's ways without making it obvious to both of us :) , i want you to know that i love you. i treat you not just a friend but a sister. from the bottom of my heart, i want you to know that i'm happy for you and your new lovelife. thank you, kase pinagtyagaan mo yung kasungitan at katarayan ko hehehe. andito lang ako lagi. medyo busy nga lang. :)
• dryn, our friendship might not be the same as before but i want you to know that you are still welcome to cry on my shoulders. i hope, what happened to us will be a lesson not just to you but for both of us. i have already forgiven you. i pray you'll find that someone who's really meant for you... in God's time.
• baby, if there's one person that i know whom his heart i have cut so deep, it's yours. from the bottom of my heart, i'm sorry. it's only now that i have realized that it's not only you who was to blame. i also had my share of mistakes. i didn't have faith in your decisions. i only noticed your mistakes and not your good deeds. i failed to see how little the effort i was exerting... it seems i failed to see the good things that was in you because i was always looking for more. i'm sorry for blaming you for everything and for not giving you a chance. i hope in time we find it in our hearts to forgive each other.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

All my life,
I've tried to do what's right.
First star I see tonight,
Make my wish come true:
Why can't we
Join hands around one tree,
Let live and let it be,
And make Christmas last forever?

When Santa's flyin' in his magic sleigh,
Goes all around the world in just a day,
From the North Pole to the southern tip,
He makes his trip with love to give away.
Hear him say..........

It's Christmas all over the world tonight,
It's Christmas all over the world.

All my life, I've learned if I was good,
Did ev'rything I should,
My dreams would all come true.
I can see
A special night when we
Join hands around one tree
And make Christmas last forever!

It's Christmas all over the world tonight (all over the world),
It's Christmas all over the world.

toxicity level on the rise

its five days before the first prelims. gawd, i'm getting very anxious about it... i hope i'll get through it with flying colors.

knina, i rode a taxi to get to school. first time kong ginawa yun. :) pano ba naman, 6.45 na hindi pa din ako nakakasakay. may qiuz pa namna ako ng pedia. i was crying and cursing my fate. pano, i only slept for three hours para lang matapos kong aralin lahat, tapos hindi lang ako makakapag- quiz dahil late ako. it was 7am when a taxi passed by. i grabbed the chance. 'bahala na' sabi ko. i told the driver, 'manong, sa feu hospital po. paki bilisan lang. nagmamadali po talaga ako.' the driver, heeding my request drove ala fast and the furious. ambilis talaga! aakalain mong ambulansya ang dina- drive nya :) syempre ako sa backseat, aral pa din. i trusted him na hindi kami mababangga. well, that's all i can do, e. i arrived at 7.15. my teacher entered the room at 7.45. hehe. kung sumama ako sa ate kong mag- bus, hindi pa din ako considered na late. pero hindi ako nanghihinayang. hehehe.

merry christmas!

updates on my life so far:

• super busy pa din. lalo na ngayon, prelims is fast approaching. i'm gonna have my exams on dec. 14 to 21. birthday pa naman ni daddy sa 14. sana kung may handaan man, simple lang para naman makapag- aral ako.
• nalulunod na ko sa dami ng handouts! hindi biro ang 17 subjects ha!
  
• yesterday was my lola's first year death anniversary. syempre may handa. sabi ni mommy konti lang daw pero nung nakita ko pag- uwi ko, mukhang pang party. hay, nako. what's new with mom?
• nakanood na ko ng harry potter!!! hahaha! yahooo!

yun lang. got to run. still have to go to surgery department. i'm going to ask what's the best management for my mom's cholelithiasis (gall stones) and how much lap chole costs.

have a nice weekend , everyone!

hi everyone!

kamusta? namiss nyo ba ako? hehehehe. sorry ngayon lang ako nagkaroon ng time. it seems were getting busier every week. for this week, i have three reports, 3 quizzes and 1 shifting exams, at tatlong make- up classes para sa mga subjects namin sa monday kase holiday. to top ot all, duty ko last monday and this friday sa ward. mukhang makakatulog ata ako sa overnight duty sa friday sa sobrang pagod. :) ooops, pero hindi naman ako nagrereklamo. hehe. nakakatuwa nga kase puro clinical na lessons namin and lahat na ng lecturers namin ngayon are the best clinicians we have in the medical center.

meron kaming class called Clinico- pathologic conference every thursday. it's one of the highlights in third year kase that's when they make us feel that they are welcoming us to the physician's world. a case is given to us every week (history of a patient and his course in the ward.true to life yun ha) and were gathered (all third year that is, 300+ of us) in a hall. one student is chosen (by lottery) to present the case, give the diagnosis, differentials and pathophysiology with all the clinicians, residents, pathologists, and students seated before him. mukhang nakakatakot no? hehe. sa umpisa lang yun kase sa bandang huli sila- sila na nag- didiskusyon kung ano ba talagang diagnosis. para kaming pinaglalaruan ng mga pathologists. kase at the end of it, sila magdidiscuss kung ano yung autopsy findings, thus telling us what is really the disease of the patient. hehe. nakakatuwa talaga sila.

sige na. nagugutom na ko. lunch break lang namin. hehe. next time ulit!

miss you all!!!

the miraculous virgin of antipolo

oh miraculous virgin, bless the wish that you have granted.

thank you.

i love you then i hate you then i learned

my turn has come. sometimes it takes time to get a person far enough to see the whole picture.i'm happy coz i can see my mistakes now. i'm learning.

hay mama!

bumaba ako kanina para mag- saing. tamang- tama, andun si mami.ewan ko kung anong nangyari at all of a sudden naging issue ang pagiging unattached ko. hay, hindi ako sanay ha. you know naman, she's not the type of mom na ok lang i- open ang lovelife. kakaloka talaga. dapat daw i should entertain suitors at maganda daw kung ngayon pa lang may steady boyfriend na ko dahil baka malipasan ako ng panahon. aray ko! ano ba yan?! natawa na lang ako. akala nya siguro virginal beauty pa ako pagdating sa pakikipag- relasyon. kung alam lang nya ang nakaraan hahaha! sugurado ako, hindi sya sasang- ayon. hehehe.

maya- maya, hindi pa nakuntento. there goes the name dropping. tinatanong ako about aldryn. she said, he seems to be a good guy, wala akong iintindihin kase stable, maganda ang work, mabait naman...(naku, at nakakuha ng abogado ang loko) at dinugtungan ko ng '...binasted ko na yun.' hay nako, i had my reasons for turning him down and those are really good reasons.na- turn off na ko sa kanya. a basta. for now, ayaw. shoo. tsupi! hehehe.

ano ba ito?! siguro iniisip ni mommy na nagmumukha na kong mongha. lagi na lang kase akong nandito sa bahay. hay, kung kelan pa naman na-realize ko na mas mabuti kung wag na lang muna ako sumabak sa ganyang mga bagay.

don't worry mom, darating din ako dyan. hinay- hinay lang muna, mahina ang kalaban. hehehe

to the stars... with difficulty

Yesterday was my enrollment. There was a feeling of elation and sense of pride as I went to the registrar window and asked for the C.O.M. for third year. Hay, sa wakas!

It's true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I once stumbled and fall. I reckon the hardship I have faced as I retraced my footsteps. The self- struggle and self- pity that I have went through. The days that though seems to be endless, I still believed with my heart and soul that this too shall come to pass like all the other temporary defeat that I've been through.

Looking back, I have realized there are things you appreciate more after rediscovering them. There are things that become more meaningful when you grasp it again after slipping from your fingers.

Medicine is surely the hardest climb I ever have so far. Now that I have regained my footing, I know that the climb will be tougher and steeper as I continue to reach the peak. I just pray that I won't stumble and fall once again. ^__^ I guess now, after all that I've been through, I will always be on guard carefully planting my next steps. ^__^

Yes, 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and it also makes you wiser and better.

dreams, decision, isolation... loneliness

There comes a time in a person's life that he must make a decision for himself. It's a part of maturing that one day, you realized that you are tired of drifting where the tides take you and finally take the courage to swim in a different direction.

Some things are easier said than done. When everything is planned in your mind, thinking that all the steps seems plausible, somehow it gives you a sense of assurance that everything will run smoothly. And as one by one you are taking the steps towards your goal, you discern the things that you have compromised. It's sad when you realize your decision somehow also leads you to isolation.

Looking back at the reasons, I knew without hesitation that I have made the right decision. And I'm aware that there are things that need to be sacrificed for now. But somehow at one point or another they affect me. It's only human to feel alone and question 'why' but faith makes this human stronger and determined enough to refuse retreat.

I'm thankful that somehow, i don't feel alone anymore. It's comforting to know that there's someone i know who is also under the same circumstance. When it feels weary, it's nice to know that you have somebody that you can talk to and exchange notes on how you've been coping up. Somehow, it's easier to look at the brighter side of things. it's easier to tell yourself that what you have now is just ephemeral and time will come that you don't have deny yourself of companionship.

Maraming salamat, Papsi. For making me feel that I'm not alone. Hay, one day the two of us will reap the fruits of our labor. Just as what Barang said in one of her songs:

"There's a place for us/ Somewhere a place for us... There's a time for
us/Someday a time for us... with time to spare /Time to learn, time
to care...Someday, somewhere"

Pero hindi Paps eh.... kulang ang tenk yu... kulang ang i lab yu.... hehehe. naalala ko lang...

what happened to my list?!

hehe. i totally forgot. (you see, i'm THAT lost. hehehe) :) actually i was planning to do them next week. after i've accomplished all my business here in school.

i wasn't feeling well yesterday. all those sneezing and itchiness makes me really upset. i planned to start sorting out my handouts but then i was afraid it'll get dusty and further aggravate my irritated condition. allergic rhinitis is nature's way of telling me it's christmas time once again.

i saw the list of students who'll be having their removals in medicine. there's one hundred eight of them. o-oh... i wonder how much more next semester's life would scare me out.

i passed lab dx. thanks to God!

huh!? pffffftt!

it's been two hours that i've been staring at the computer avoiding the site feed button on every blogspot that i visited. i felt there's nothing to write about until this very moment, it dawned on me. i hate my current state. i feel lost. i mean, don't you just hate it when you've been busy for the longest time and suddenly you just have nothing to do. i know it may sound weird for those people who would enjoy studyless schooless days spending it sitting around doing nothing. yeah it's weird. i'm weird. maybe what i'm feeling is just some sort of a 'jet lag.' it will dawn on me soon.

i'm here in school's internet cafe. waiting for lab dx's final grade result. thinking what to do when i got home afterwards.

'bawal yan!'

The title is a personal joke between the goddess and me (and also a reminder for us). totally walang kinalaman for this entry. sorry papsi, next time na namin ikukwento sa yo Thank you for IMBESTIGADOR for being an eye- opener.

Bakasyon na! Examination week is over! Though I still have to spend a week in school to check my grades, do our research and other stuffs, I can already feel the relaxing air of vacation. Hmmm… finally. I can watch all the t.v. shows that I wanted, read books and magazines not related to medicine and just lie down maybe think on what to do next or just simply drift off to dreamland. But before I plunge in to slothfulness, I have made a list of things that I must do. And may I just remind myself that it's not optional but a M-U-S-T because the next four weeks will be the last vacation that I will have (hopefully… crossing my fingers) as a med student and the last chance I have to do all those things.

So what does the high priestess must accomplish?

• Clean my library. Its time to dispose all those trash that I have accumulated for the whole semester, which I'm sure, is a lot. Compile all my handouts. Segregate the handouts given to me by Ate Glo who's already a clerk now. I tell you, seeing that big plastic bag full of papers makes me feel nervous about next semester. Its like screaming to me that I will surely have A LOT to read. Btw, the handouts were only for pedia and O.B. hay nako, maloloka ako.

• Bedroom make over. Since I won't have much time to spend to clean my room, I thought of getting rid of those things that are unnecessary and accumulate a lot of dirt. That way, it would be a lot easier for me to clean it later on. Sorry, but that means all those hairy stuffs must go. I'm planning to give the stuff toys to charity for Christmas. And please, if someone reading this thought of giving me a stuff toy, I would gladly appreciate it if you change it to something else. No hairy stuff, ok? :D

• Clean the house. Time for general cleaning.

• Gardening. Now, that's something I will truly enjoy and surely miss. I also need a lot of things to do there so maybe I'll spend a week soiling my gloves. I just hope it won't rain that much.

i hope i passed everything. ^_^

Whoohoooo!

I got home early today. I'm exempted in medical parasitology final exam! That means I don't have a grade lower than 90 %. Hehe. Oh, how I love the feeling whenever I reply to the laboratory technicians in parasitology and my medtech classmates, 'no, I'm not a med tech.' For a med tech to be exempted in Para is already expected since that is considered as one of their 'forte.' But for a Biologist to top the Para class is something! Well, akala lang nila yun coz I took Para in college too (though I must say, there's a difference betweeen Para in medicine and in college. Med is more focused on the disease entity caused by the parasites and their diagnosis while Bio is more on the parasites' morphology and life stages). I guess only me and my fellow PLMayers knew that coz I've learned that not all BS Biology has parasitology in their curriculum, like Ateneo. But still, the best joy is coming home to tell my dad the good news and seeing a big smile on his face afterwards.

to my one and only papsi

for the many lives that you have touched,
for the many souls that you have inspired,
for the many friends that you have loved,
your presence in this world
made a whole lot of difference.



hapPY birthDAY, MILord!

one less lonely heart, two more to go

He sang one of my favorite songs!

i was really impressed with the way Jay sang Iris last night. it didn't made him number one but placing fourth is still much better than his last week's ranking. kudos!


Sabi Ko Na nga Ba.

my instinct didn't fail me. i knew the story would have a happy ending after all. Congratulations, goddess!

i did contemplate about what i have written in my last entry. and it seems to me, between me and the high priest, i am the one who's not yet ready to be the next 'victim' it's been only seven months that i became free again and i knew deep inside that i still need some more time to breathe. but love moves in mysterious ways, as the song goes. and the future always bring a lot of surprises. i wouldn't anticipate what tomorrow will be. i just want to take each day as it comes. milord, let's take our time and enjoy as much as we could like the way it has been. whoever among us will be the lucky one whether sooner or later, may ishtar's blessing always be with thee. as for now, it's enough to know that one among the three of us is happy... at last.


Inaantok Pero Hindi Makatulog

yan ako. hehe. i was lucky to get home early today. i was planning to catch up on my sleep. it's been three days that i have been sleeping too late and waking up too early. last weekend was really busy. for two days, i have been going to my classmates' dorm, a building just across my school, to do two papers that were due this week. when i got home, i still study for my finals in radio which i took this afternoon.

it's weird. i feel sleepy but when i go to bed and close my eyes, sleep just don't set in. grrrr. so here i am now. trying to get some of my neurons to work to write this entry. and hoping sleep will visit me later after i finished reading my handout for tomorrow's exam.

it's only just begun

i just read the goddess' update about her new love life. hay, sabi ko na nga ba. what happened last saturtday was not the end of it. i believe, it's up to the goddess now which way the story goes.

ako? kamusta? e2. nasa school pa rin. i'm going to attend a gathering sa chapel. were going to pray for the upcoming finals.

i wonder how the high priest is doing. hehe. naku, there's only two of us left in the 'lonely hearts club.' we're not really that bothered, aren't we? but you know what truly bothers me is this thought... is the cycle repeating itself already? who's next? ...oh, i don't want to know.

shopping with mom

saturday morning, before i left for pharma pre- finals, mom and i had a little argument. i felt so bad. i didn't help but cry. so there i was, trying to eat my breakfast and sniffing at the same time.

nakakainis naman kase. pag may exam ako the following day, iniiwan nila ko sa bahay. mag- isang gumagawa ng lahat. tapos, may reklamo pa pag uwi nila. teka lang! med student ako. wala bang kahit konting consideration for me? hay na ko.

when i got home, syempre medyo nagddrama pa ko ng konti. hehe. nakakatuwa lang coz after i had my lunch, mom asked me to go to sm with her. syempre alam ko na ibig sabihin nun. we had shopping alright.

hehe. i was really happy. syempre ang tagal ko nang hindi nag-sshopping coz i am saving pa for a new cp.

hay, what a nice stress reliever.

one down

hay, sobrang busy talaga tong week na to. kakatapos ko lang ng pharma pre- finals. akala ko pagkatapos ng week na to, pwede na kong magpahinga. hindi pa pala. haaaaay! next week, i have a double shifting on pharma on friday, shifting sa lab d sa thursday, shifting sa para sa tuesday. walang katapusang pagbabasa.

di bale... konti na lang... matatapos na din tong sem na to.

konting tiis na lang...

_______*

i badly need a house maid. please naman kung may kilala kayo na mapagkakatiwalaan, text me asap. salamat.
_______*

congratulations to the goddess and her newly found luvie.

Party all night at Ratsky

this week is medicine week. celebrated by all the med schools in the country. Ratsky in Tomas Morato was our school's venue of our mednight since i was in first year. i wasn't able to attend for two years already. but since this year might be the last enjoyable mednight i could attend to and my friends were all convincing me, almost blackmailing me that they wouldn't go if i didn't, i decided to come. only if paps and the goddess would join me. they did. ^thanks^ so that wednesday, we partied all night, enjoyed the loud music, and danced our hearts out. hahaha! nah, the three of us despite our young age are old souls easily annoyed by the noise and the smoke from cigarette. the three of us just decided to go to the nearby coffee bean and tea leaf shop and enjoyed updating ourselves with each other's lives other and listening to michael buble's songs and light rock music. it was almost two in the morning when we went home. the goddess was so kind to let me sleep over in her house. ^thanks^ the two of us, though tired and sleepy, still chatted some more. i don't know what time we fell asleep. i did woke up early as usual and went home as soon as i fixed my things.

well, the truth is, i really don't want to attend the night out because i have a lot of things to be ready for. come next saturday is pre- finals in pharma. i do not have any other choice but to get a good score. friday, i have shifting in pharma and report. thursday is shifting in lab dx. so i was little disappointed when some of my friends who convinced me backed out at the last minute. oh well, that's their lost anyway.

i don't look good at this one coz the light from the table was shining on my face. taken at coffee bean and tea leaf shop beside ratsky.

the goddess and yours truly posting at ratsky's grand stairs.

photos taken by the high priest. ^thanks :) ^

fighting temptation

i've been abstaining from shopping since last week and so far i have surpassed a lot of really tempting temptations. isn't it annoying when you're determined to do something then suddenly all those yummy temptations surround you? nakakapraning grabe.

last saturday, i was in SM San Lazaro with three classmates. the two were actually my groupmates in lab diagnosis' med mission and the other one, is one of my groupmates' boyfriend. after the exam, we went to bambang to buy some stuffs for the med mission then we headed to sm for lunch. everything was fine until nurhaya and i went to the supermarket. nyay. andami naming nadaanang stores that sell beautiful bags, accessories, clothes and shoes. and they're cheap! mhyyyy ghod. i was drooling! i still have about a thousand pesos at that time and mhyyy, many times i wanted to hand to the counter some of the items that i have looked at. darn. if only i don't have to buy a new phone. if only my mom would buy it for me. hay, inisip ko na lang, i won't be able to wear those clothes and they will just ran out of fashion because i don't go out. the only time i leave the house wearing clothes other than my uniform is on sundays when i attend mass. besides, my sacrifice will only be a month and a week long na lang. well, that made me feel a little better.

sunday came, akala ko nakaligtas na ko sa mga temptations. hindi pa pala. i saw an ad in the newspaper that really broke my heart. Michael Buble' is going to have a concert at the big dome on october 22! *sniff sniff
i just wanna cry. ill miss his concert again. i have to miss his concert or else half of my savings will be stashed out because the ticket is so expensive.

bakit nga ba?

It was monday noon as i was having lunch alone in the cafeteria when a familiar face walked towards my table. 'oi, ba't nag- iisa ka?' i knew it was only a way of saying 'hi' to an old classmate but i can't help but get affected.

so bakit nga ba ako nag- iisa?

1. absent si ate noreen, ang nag- iisa kong kasama. actually, lagi naman syang umuuwi sa apartment nya tuwing lunch (with or without platings) so mag- isa lang ako on that precious hour of the day

2. hindi ko na classmates sina marivi and co. ang lagi kong kasama dati sa lunch, sa classroom, sa pag- uwi. hay, i really miss them. minsan, i can't help but wish na sana sana sana hindi na lang nangyari ang nangyari. can't turn back time. it's done and i'm alone.

3. hindi ko naging classmates si jho. her barkada was the first group i went with. syempre first year pa yun. things changed. people redirect their sails and moved out from med school. ayun, only the three of us were left- jho, marvin, and me. jho and i were in different sections (at dadalawa lang ang section namin. aba naman, akalain mong hindi pa kami naging mag- classmates!). at si marvin, iniwan na talaga kami. he's promoted and were not! but we still get a chance to talk to each other. classmate ko sya sa radio class which is every monday, 1 pm. last monday, i couldn't help but tell him my sentiments. aba, sabi nya, sana nga maging midyear na lang sya para makasama nya kami ulit. nakakamiss daw kasi... hay, nako marvin. if it will cost you your being regular, wag na lang. kami na lang dito.

4. walang papsi at tina. hay, obvious ba, hindi na to college at wala na kami sa PLM. hay nostalgia's setting in. wla bang background music dyan?

5. wala ako sa PLM. hay, plm i miss you. bakit nga ba hindi na lang ako sa plm nag- med. why am i here in a place where individualism is the name of the game?

hay nako. this is hopeless. mas mabuti pa, gagayahin ko na lang yung girl sa movie who said '...i'm not here to flirt...' (ano nga ba yung movie na yun?) hay nako, hala, tell it to yourself... i'm here to become a doctor. never mind if i'm alone... sigh

bakit nga ba (da 2nd)

hay nako, ang bababa ng mga platings ko. kase naman!!!! hindi ako magaling mag- memorize! darn, i can't make myself memorize a handout that i don't understand what it's all about. heck, kaya nga ako umaatend ng mga dull lectures para naman pag nagbigay sila ng handouts hindi ako mahihirapang maka- relate. well maybe this is the reason why i'm having a hard time in second year- ayokong mag- memorize!!!

wag na nga lang yan, let's move on to other things. yung masarap ikwento. let's talk about my crushes. hehehe

from politics, former colleagues Sec. Mike Defensor and Rep. Francis Escudero are now from different sides of the fence. but even with different views and opinion regarding the hello garci and the rest of the impeachment brouhaha, these two rise above all others because they have retained their diplomacy. you wouldn't see them in the news saying nasty things about each other. i must say, they were raised very well. i hope there will come a time that the two of them will be on the same side.

DENR Sec. Mike Defensor

Sorsogon Rep. Francis Escudero

Jay Perillo. he's one of the finalist in channel 2's search for a star in a million season 2. this 100% chinese is really a hearthrob and a chickboy (he already had 24 girlfriends). i like the quality of his voice. it's somewhat rusty which makes his singing more interesting and it must've also added to his appeal. mhy, but this guy is only 18! well then, he's my first crush who is younger than me.

blush*

now i feel better.

note: this entry was drafted on the posted date -hp

JOKE TIME!!!!

halleluiah!!!wala akong dengue. i do have pharyngitis though and hypersensitivity reaction due to my varicella vaccine (kaya ako may fever). after i got the result, i invited ate noreen (who had been so kind to accompany me to the hospital and waited till i got the lab results) to celebrate with me. kumain kami ng kumain hanggang sumuko na yung mga sikmura namin. hehehe. that stashed out a big amount of my allowance. pero ok lang. at least i've enjoyed even if i'm now broke.

when i got home, my temperature was 38.7 centigrade. i had pharma exam the following day (which is actually today) and i was able to study just this morning. buti na lang hindi ganun kahirap yung exam.

let's all be happy.

it's joke time!

in a game show, the host asked the contestant to spell 'happy birthday.'

C: H-A-P-P-Y--B-I-R-T-H-Y

LET'S SING IT!

happy birthy to you/happy birthy to you/
happy birthy happy birthy/ happy birthy to you//

whahahaharharhargh

waiting for the final verdict

one more hour and i will finally get the result of my cbc and platelet count. i've been feverish for three days now. ate leafar (my schoolmate in MCS who's 3 years my senior and now a resident in the medical center) said i might have dengue. i hope my platelet count won't confirm that. yokong ma- ospital.

-----------*-------------

a friend texted me this morning saying how discontented and tired he is. i don't know... i can't see why he has that feeling. comparing himself to others, sobrang maswerte sya. a lot of people would love to exchange places with him pa nga. hay, some people doesn't see the beauty in their life. it's true that it's hard to find contentment in this world but that doesn't excuse us from being unappreciative of what we have.

just in case you have the same feeling with my friend, don't forget to count your blessings.

debut side story

i already miss my nieces and nephews. actually, mas namimiss ko yung dalawang pamangkin kong japanese. hehehe. reina was just three years old pero sobrang madaldal kaya lang hindi marunong magtagalog! hahaha! all i can tell her is 'dame' (i don't know if that's the right spelling), which means 'bawal.'her brother Yugi is the cutest. they got a lot of attention in the debut because their talking japanese. na- amaze siguro yung mga tao.

hay nako, until now parang naririnig ko pa rin sila. siguro after i finished med, i'll start learning nipponggo so that i can teach those kids to speak Filipino. hehe. the irony of it!

APPLE of my eyes

I've been to my niece debut party tonight. It's been nine years since the last time I saw her and her siblings. I can still remember the times when mom would take one of the two girls in our house and we'll take care of them for a week. those kids have gone through a lot of hard times since their mom died… Looking at them now, I cannot help but get amazed with how much the've grown. Halos hindi ko na sila makilala. Especially Raylord, the youngest and the only boy, who looks older than his age. Iba talaga nagagawa ng hangin sa states. Hehehe.

My aunt, cousins, and I can't help but get emotional starting when Apple read her Dad's letter… nakakatuwa. just wanna share the first part coz it really touched me... the day she was born, kuya and my cousin were so scared because she didn't cry at first. He held him so close to him (even if she was covered with blood) and didn't let go of her until the moment she cried. Before handling her to the nurse, he whispered to her 'welcome to this world, baby. You're the apple of my eyes.' And I guess that's how she got her nickname. (wink wink).I also remember the time of Ate Edith's funeral. On the last blessing, Kuya Marvin opened the casket and kissed her on the lips as if she was still alive. He cried and whispered to her 'I love you.' (wink wink). Even if I was still young then, I can sense so much love in him. at that momemt I wished that someday, I could find someone like him…

I almost cried when my aunt hugged Kuya Marvin. They weren't in good terms the time he and the kids left the country. I could only guess how much emotion she had let go when she hugged him… well, I guess, time has already healed the wounds of yesterday.

The three of them- Apple, Vina, and Raylord, remind me how good God is. That through the dark clouds, there's always the sun shining. That even in darkness, there's hope… there is GOD.

I realized now, I should live life to the fullest and love LOVE to the fullest. Zeng taught me to seize the day, coz anything can happen tomorrow. We do not take hold of anything. Who knows, maybe tomorrow we'll be robbed off with our future without even having the chance to do or say whatever is in our heart. My nieces and nephew taught me to hope even if it feels the world is turning its back on you. They also made me realize how beautiful life is. Even with all the hardship and sadness existence might caused us, it is still a beautiful world and it is still a wonderful life.

God is really good. He always remind me of beautiful things during my darkest days.

live life to the fullest

cybermed has already returned blogspot (thanks. wink wink). it's already 5.20 on my watch but i'm still here in school. i still have to attend a meeting with the MSC president. actually, i should't be a part of it since i am only an assistant secretary of our class but i guess, with what had happened to Zeng, i will take her place for the rest of the semester.

the news about her sickness really shocked us all. she was diagnosed with viral encephalitis. from what i heard from our classmates who already visited her, she was into coma for three days. and now, the only response they can get from her everytime they called her name is eye opening. i do not know what her GCS score is. her family wouldn't disclose it to us. but i guess it's a pretty bad number. i could only hope that she can restore her normal functions when she get out of it. hindi na importante kung hindi na sya makakapag- med basta mabuhay lang sya ng normal.

i do not know where she got the disease. we were speculating that she may have gotten it in the ward if not in other public places. the inoculation could have occured months before the signs and symptoms. that kept us wondering now, are we still safe? do we have to do something to be sure that we didn't get infected?

naiisip ko tuloy kung sa kin nangyari yun. ewan ko... hindi pa ko handa. marami pa kong hindi nagagawa... pano kung hindi na ko makabalik para magawa yun?

hay....

please help us pray for Zeng.

carpe diem.

without you

Paolo Santos Lyrics

all under one heaven

i watched the sona yesterday. that's the true sona of the president no less. madami kaseng ambitious people who are doing their own sona just to grab attention from the public. i was actually thinking if she would resign in the middle of the speech. buti na lang hindi. i guess staying as the president, despite the call for resignation and other black propaganda against her and her family, she is already doing the 'supreme sacrifice'. i wonder if those people on the streets wanting her to resign realize the confusion it will make if she step down. the true issue here is not about honesty. no politician can claim that he is honest, i repeat, NO ONE! the true issue here is, who will take over? a lot of personalities have gone out declaring their wanting to become the next leader. pwede ba, kung si eddie gil lang din or someone like him, wag na lang po. plus, governors especially in mindanao, have declared that if gloria step down, they will have their own republic. mas magulo di ba? i don't have a personal liking for Mrs. Arroyo but i believe she is the only one suited to lead considering the present situation. i remember tuloy that chinese film, Hero. i hope one realize that even how bad the image the head has now, she is still the one person who can keep the nation as one. ironic it may seem but looking at the whole picture, that's the truth.

i hope they'll be able to make the charter change as soon as possible.

------------*

i thought i have run far enough, only to realize i was just running in circles. when will the long yearning end?

------------*

that's it. puno na ko. thanks to the person who taught me when to call it 'tama na.' i know that i can hold so much patience even though people are saying ugly things even in front of me. pati na din ugly gestures. you know me, ayoko ng gulo, kaya as much as possible, quiet na lang ako.pero, don't they realize how mean they are?por que pa silang tinawag na 'friends.' siguro, this time i have to speak it out. siguro naman may marerealize yung taong yun afterwards. i hope he will.

change the world

Ate Noreen and I had a late lunch today in a fast food chain somewhere along Regalado. It was actually a birthday treat. Her birthday was last week but since it was prelims week, she decided to celebrate it today. Ate's one of the few friends I have in med school. Having a little chat with her every school day alleviates my sadness. Kase, most of the time, books kaharap or hand- outs. As in ganon ka- toxic. Hindi mo na makuhang makipag- usap sa katabi mo.

Hay, it's nice to have her around. Someone older to understand and to listen. And to divert my attention to something else like family life, motherhood and the likes.

While waiting for her to return to our table, I just realized why parang may mabigat sa dibdib ko since the moment we entered the resto.. Hmmm. Blame it to the place. I was there exactly one year, eight months and twenty three days ago. And I haven't returned there since then… until today.

Papsi and I were in Gateway the other day. On our way there, this song was on the radio.

If I could reach the stars I'd pull one down for you
Shine it on my heart so you could see the truth
That this love I have inside is everything it seems
But for now I find it's only in my dreams

That I can change the world
I would be the sunlight in your universe
You will think my love was really something good
Baby if I could change the world

If I could be king even for a day
I'd take you as my queen I'd have it no other way
And our love will rule in this kingdom we have made
Till then I'd be a fool wishin' for the day

That I can change the world
I would be the sunlight in your universe
You will think my love was really something good
Baby if I could change the world
Baby if I could change the world

That I can change the world
I would be the sunlight in your universe
You will think my love was really something good
Baby if I could change the world
Baby if I could change the world
Baby if I could change the world

-change the world by eric clapton-

----------------------------------

i had another nightmare last night. i thought i wouldn't be able to regain consciousness. thank God i did. i was so scared i slept in my parent's room. i hope tonight i won't have another one.

what will really set me free

Nakahanap na rin ako ng time to post. actually, i've been through a lot of things this past few weeks that i wasn't able to find the time to post. as usual, i've been busy with school work. but i guess i'm lucky that i still get to have decent sleep unlike last school year. cybermed had already blocklisted blogspot so i cannot anymore do my posting there when an opportunity comes. anyways, prelims starts next week. haven't set my review sked yet. probably later.

well, what really made the most impression was the realization that i had a weekend ago. i decided to see him eventhough i was not feeling well. i do not usually cancel appointments. i do not want others to feel the disappointment over something they have already anticipated and have looked forward to. i guess that's how much i love people who are important to me : ) the realization came when i was on my way home. i realized, seeing him was not making any good. i think when the next opportunity comes, i have to beg off. it's a shame that of all people, he was the one who endear me to the what should have been an oblivion. the irony of it all was that they don't even have any bit of a resemblance. i guess what he lacks was the trigger of the nostalgia. the truth... though hard to accept, is something i cannot evade now. i must admit, it required me a lot of courage to acknowledge it. i cannot let myself be, sooner or later, consumed by it. it must be done. the truth must be faced. it does not however mean that plans must be changed in doing it.

good mawning!

woke up early for this

sick again but still working

'nature herself is working out the primal curse which doomed the tenderest of her creatures to the sharpest of her trials, but the fierce extremity of suffering has been stepped in the waters of forgetfulness, and the deepest furrow in the knotted brow of agony has been smoothed forever.'

Oliver Wendell Holmes
neurologist- poet-philosopher who first coined the word 'anaesthesia'

-mukhang kelangan ko nun pero naisip ko, analgesic na lang kase kelangan kong maging conscious para magawa yung mga kelangan kong tapusin : D

things i realized today

1. mahirap magkasakit pag- toxic.
2. mas mahirap pag hindi lang isa ang sakit mo.
3.. mas lalong mahirap pag may sakit ka na, may pasok ka pa. . . kahit sabado.
4. nakakbwiset makinig ng am radio pag- umaga. puro sentationalism maririnig mo.
5. damn, i hate those politicians! can't they understand? what we need now is UNITY.
6. matigas ang mga ulo nila kaya ayaw makinig.
7. puro pansarili lang concern nila.
8. wala silang kwenta
9. corny mga doctors. especially the older ones. mag- joke ba naman ng 'describe ike lozada - large, circular, and with wrist drop' (as in bading) whahaha. walang kwenta.
10. nagbago na si elaine. marunong na syang magmura.

------- * ---------

harhar

i rode a jeep that has a sign hanging at the end of the rope (yung hinihila pag papara ka.) that reads,

'hila mo, i- stuff ko'

harharhar

in a game show... the host asked the 2 contestants, 'anong ibig sabihin ng E sa P.E.? one of them slapped the buzzer but didn't give any answer. as in tulala ang drama. the other one did a steal and answered,

'exercise.'

bad trip.

cyber me

Best left for Germany yesterday. he won’t be around for two weeks. I remember, the first time he went out of the country, he was nagtatampo coz I wasn’t able to text him. At least now I was able to bid him goodbye and bon voyage.

School started out just fine though I got a bit uncomfortable when I attended my radiology class and saw my old classmates again. I can sense they’re having a jump start. I’ve been speculating how I’ll go about this semester. I’ve been looking at my lists of workload for all of my subjects as they have already given their syllabus. Pretty busy. I was also elected as the assistant sexy—er secretary of our class. I have five pages of name lists which have to be arranged as soon as I get my hands on my own pc. It’s nice because I still have a long vacation starting tomorrow since the good president decided to make monday a holiday. Hehe. Just enough time to look for a nice research topic and some advance reading. And of course, computer work for the class hehe. I hope I won’t have time to become idle. Sige lang, WORK, CONSUME ME! Make me your slave. Don’t let my mind slip into dreamland or think of what lies ahead… or beneath?

----posted in cybermed, the official online station of my dear school

walang hanggang paalam

do you know this song? this one's a favorite of elaine, ate aileen, and me when we were in tiples dorm. just remembering the good old days. i miss my bud.

di ba tayo'y narito
upang maging malaya
at upang palayain ang iba
ako'y walang hinihiling
ika'y tila ganoon din
sadya'y bigyang-laya ang isa't-isa

ang pag-ibig natin ay
walang hanggang paalam
at habang magkalayo
papalapit pa rin ang puso
kahit na magkahiwalay
tayo ay magkasama
sa magkabilang dulo ng mundo

ang bawat simula ay
siya ring katapusan
may patutunguhan ba
ang ating pagsinta
sa biglang tingin
kita'y walang kinabukasan
subalit di-malupig ang pag-asa

ang pag-ibig natin ay
walang hanggang paalam
at habang magkalayo
papalapit pa rin ang puso
kahit na magkahiwalay
tayo ay magkasama
sa magkabilang dulo ng mundo

this pinoy song is one of those 'tagos sa buto.' i guess ganun talaga effect pag tagalog. :)

school starts on monday. don't think i'm already prepared for it. i'm still used to my couch potato attitude. hay, don't have time anymore for warm up. goodluck to me!

Single and Fabulous

I watched a Sex and the City's episode, 'They Shoot Single People, Don't They?' I also asked their questions to myself. Questions like, 'is faking it better than being alone?' or are we faking being happy being single?' thinking about them still amuse me. I knew everything wrong about single-blessedness before I entered a relationship and almost everything right about it now that I'm out of it ('almost' kse hindi pa naman masyadong katagalan hehehe).
Maybe God just wanted me to experience the difference of a complicated and a peaceful life so that when I get back to the latter, I will treasure it. (but i'm no hypocrite to say that sometimes i do miss being attached.)

Now I know why you can't have everything, all at the same time. because it makes things complicated for you to enjoy them. I'm learning :b

I'm single and fabulous exclamation point.

Now I can Dance

some of the songs that i have posted here may have created (again) some sort of commotion. i do not wish to receive any hate comments again. hahaha! if you don't like it then don't read it. sorry, but i don't need that extra attention. give it to the others. they couldve thanked you for it. hahaha!

by the way, this one i'm posting for a purpose.

.

So I hope this finds you well

Sun is shining down eastern valley ways

There's some news I need to tell you

Give my Mother a kiss

Tell her I'm ok

I recall her words

"If it's too easy

It never lasts

I have compromised

But I'm finally free of the past

Now I can dance

Clouds have all disappeared

Freedom

I hold so dear

Cause nobody knows me here

Though I can only imagine the sadness

In your eyes

Please understand

Now I can dance

All alone the other night

I came to realise we'd be friends for life

It was always meant to be

For some people the heavens can get it so right

Like an angel you see

You have graciously offered a hand

You'd be so proud of me

Now I'm finally taking a stand

Now I can dance

Clouds have all disappeared

Freedom I hope so dear

Cause nobody knows me here

Though I can only imagine the sadness

In your eyes

Please understand

Now I can dance

Now I can dance

Now I can dance

Clouds have all disappeared

Freedom I hope so dear

Cause nobody knows me here

Though I can only imagine the sadnessyou eyes

Please understand

Now I can dance

Though I can only imagine the sadness

In your eyes

Please understand

Now I can dance

So I hope this finds you well

Sun is shining down eastern valley ways

So good

Be free

Can dance and laugh and just be me

So good

Be free

The clouds above have disappeared

Chacal

I finished reading Frederick Forsyth's The Day of the Jackal. It's a story of a professional assassin who was hired by the leftist to kill the president of France and change the course of history. I wanted them to succeed and liberate their country from the hands of a traitor. The assassin's masterplan was truly remarkable. I was so impressed. I guess that is one of the greatest novel I have ever read. Carefully researched. Some of the sentences though where written in French since the story mostly took place in France. I think I'm going to reread them again when I learn the language of the parisians J . Ang galing talaga. Truly a must- read.

the best things in life...

i was badly injured when i got home from our pilgrimage in Quezon- Laguna last thursday. my right ankle was swollen. Friday when i woke up, the right side of my back was so painful then my head started to hurt too at noon.the pain was too great that i can hardly drag my self off from bed to get some medicine.the slightest movement gave a jolt of pain in my head and back.afternoon came and i was already having fever and my breathing was shallow and rapid. buti na lang, mom came to the rescue and gave me a strong dose of ibuprofen. that was the most painful i've ever had experience in my whole life that i thought at that moment, it was the end of me.

the swelling subsided a little bit already and i can go down the stairs now with ease. it wasn't a sprain though. mom thought a bug bit me but my theory was that i had adverse reaction from the antibiotics i was taking for my pharyngitis (it had erythema on its list which is a red nodular lesion on the skin. and a lot more on the list i have experienced also but didn't mind. i just realized everything now. so please, when an emergency happened to me, forewarn the doctor not to give me Klarmyn, generic name: Clarythromycin). i felt a nodule just above my ankle the other day and i pressed it. the next day, the swelling started. now ive learned my lesson. the next time i felt something hard, don't press it. hehehehe
---------------------------*

yep, i've watched the last of the star wars series 'the return of the sith' with papsi and tina last tuesday in glorietta. it may be the last get together we have before school starts. i admit i don't post every 'lakad' the three of us make but it doesn't mean i don't appreciate their company. they're like family to me (and their families also). i miss the old times when the three of us go home together from school and talk the whole night about anything or everything under the sun as if we haven't seen each other for years... it's hard to find good and real friends like them. i know i'll be missing them more when i get to clerkship. hay, ce'st la vie. anywhere you two maybe, may the force be with you always.

as for me, i know i'll forever be grateful for having both of them in my life. 'coz 'the best things in life are three.'

'the sweetest songs...

... are those that tell of saddest things'

Sometimes i sit at home and wonder how it'd be
If he had loved me
Truly loved me yes
I learned a while ago that kind of thing
Never happens for me
And so i go around
And just pretend
Loving life for me
I play the circus clown around my friends
Make them laugh and they won't see
That you never let them see you sweat
Don't want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

So i put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I'm laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause i'm dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

Sing it la la la la

Sometimes i sit at home
By the phone hoping he might call me
But he don't call me
But then i realize
Dreams come true aren't for girls like me
Not like me
And so i go around with my head up
Like it ain't no thing
And when the boys around with all my friends
I'm into other things
Because you never let them see you sweat
Don't want them to think the pain runs deep
Lord knows it's killing me

So i put on my make-up
Put a smile on my face
And if anyone asks me
Everything is okay
I'm laughing cause no one
Knows the joke is on me
Cause i'm dying inside
With my pride and a smile
On my face
On my face

It's not an easy (thing)
Sometimes it's hard to (face the truth)
It's not the life that i would choose (that i would choose)
But what else can i do?
If he don't love me
If he don't want me
I'm not about to sit around
Let myself go

When you get caught in the rain with no where to run
When you're distraught and in pain without anyone
When you keep crying out to be saved
But nobody comes and you feel so far away
That you just can't find your way home
You can get there alone
It's okay, what you say is
I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain
And if you keep falling down don't you dare give in
You will arise safe and sound, so keep pressing on steadfastly
And you'll find what you need to prevail
What you say is

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

And when the rain blows, as shadows grow close don't be afraid
There's nothing you can't face
And should they tell you you'll never pull through
Don't hesitate, stand tall and say

I can make it through the rain
I can stand up once again on my own
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend
And every time I feel afraid I hold tighter to my faith
And I live one more day and I make it through the rain

I can make it through the rain
And I live once again
And I live one more day
And I can make it through the rain
(Yes you can)
You will make it through the rain

Bakit ba...

... andaming reklamo ng mga tao? samantalang kung ikukumpara nila ang mga sarili nila sa iba, aba, maswerte pa rin sila.
... kelangang mainggit? e2 talagang hindi ko maintindihan. dapat nga ako pang mainggit sa kanila. sa totoo lang, ayoko ng buhay ko sa ngayon. papano ba naman hanggang ngayon, umaasa pa rin ako sa mga magulang ko. inaamin ko na nahihiya ako tuwing manghihingi ako sa kanila. pano, kung hindi na ko nag- aaral ngayon e di sana kaya ko nang buhayin ang sarili ko at hindi ko na kelangang umasa.
...nakakainis sila? andami dyan hindi nakapag- tapos ng pag-aaral pero hayun, kumakayod. Pinapasok kahit anong trabaho para lang mabuhay. pero hayun, may iba na mas gusto pa ring umasa. at worse, may iba na kahit na kumamayod na, gusto pa ring umasa. kung pinili kong magtrabaho, hindi ako tutulad sa kanila. iisa lang naman talaga ang gusto ko dati pa, ang maging independent. yung secured ako sa sarili ko na kahit sino pang dumating o umalis, kaya kong tumayo sa sarili kong mga paa. walag inaasahang iba. hindi ko naman gustong mag- isa. pero kung pipili ako ng role between tumutulong at tinutulungan, dun na ko sa una. hanggat makakaya ko gagawin ko yun.

sana lang matauhan naman sila... marealize nila na maswerte sila.
oo, nagrereklamo din ako kung minsan dahil hindi lahat meron ako. pero sa tuwing mangyayari yon, inaalala ko lahat ng blessings ko. COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. at dahil don, narerealize ko na wala pala akong dapat ireklamo. dapat pa nga akong magpasalamat dahil maswerte pa pala ako.

maswerte ka din. masyado ka lang preoccupied sa pagpuna sa iba kaya hindi mo nakikita kung anong meron ka.

(hay, i guess marami lang nangyari ngayong araw na to na kelangang ilabas. e ano pa nga bang silbi ng blog na to kundi yon di ba?)

Emotions...

It's over and done
But the heartache lives on inside
And who is the one you're clinging to
Instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that i need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go (go)
Cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You'll never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart

It's just emotion's taking me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in my song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Dont you know there's nobody left in this world
To hold me tight
Dont you' know there's nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side,
A part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to go find your shining star

And where are you now, now that i need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart

It's just emotion that's taking me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Dont you know there's nobody left in this world
To hold me tight
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

And where are you now, now that i need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart
In the words of a broken heart

It's just emotion that's taken me over
Caught up in sorrow, lost in the song
But if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
Nobody left in this world
To hold me tight
Nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

Let me call you sweetheart

(written yesterday, May 19, 2005 at 7.30 am. Unfortunately, I ran out of internet card so I wasn't able to post it then.)

I'm sick. I woke up this morning with a sore throat and a slight headache. Natuluyan na kong magkasakit. I thought it was tonsilitis but when I checked on the mirror, my tonsils aren't inflamed. My pharynx though is red plus my uvula and pillars have mild vasculitis. My posterior cervical lymph nodes are also swollen and tender. My voice changed too.I haven't checked my temperature yet but I'm sure I also have mild fever. I checked my books for the causative agent and it reads 'pharyngitis with fever, swollen lymph nodes and exudates- most common cause of infection are group A streptococcus and Epstein Barr virus.' I don't think I have mono since my exudates is purulent suggesting a bacterial infection. Hay, Strep throat na naman….

I guess one of the reasons I got sick was the weather. This is one of the hottest summers I have experienced. Tapos uulan pa pag hapon. Hay nako, nakakaloka talaga.

Nahamugan ata ako the other day… Papsi, Tina and I were supposed to have a Star Wars Marathon but plans changed. We just went to Crossings for their summer sale. I wasn't able to buy anything except for the foot socks I've seen from my sister, Dabsy. I didn't have money and besides, if I have it I wont spend it for those branded items that were still uber mahal even on sale. There was a heavy downpour just before we decided to leave so we stayed a little bit more and resume our kwentuhan. May ambon pa din nung umalis kami kaya siguro …

Mom's pa- raffle is scheduled this morning. I think they are having it already as I type this entry. It's just two blocks away but nah, I'll just stay here and continue typing. I still have to call some people later and cancel some appointments.

I wanted to go to the mall later this afternoon to buy some stuffs. I'm running out of body wash and I'm not really accustomed using soap for shower. But then, I have to cancel that too.

I think it was also a blessing in disguise on Papsi's part that I wasn't able to join them in their Bolinao adventure. My condition would be a big K.J. Anyways, enjoy na lang kayo!

-------------------*

I was invited to the birthday party of my lola's sister in my Ate Nene's house. But then again, I have to beg off. My headache's getting terrible. Sayang, coz that's a good opportunity for me to congratulate my Ate Nene personally. We go to the same med school and she just graduated last April. Anyways, congratulations, Dr. Florita Policarpio! (I just learned from mom that she was given a brand new Vios by her parents as a graduation gift. Wow, congrats ulit!)

--------------------*

I haven't written about Neil's thanksgiving party last week. Galing talaga magluto ni Neil! Hehe. Sayang lang coz only a few in our high school barkada attended including yours truly. We had drinking session when most of the people have left. The boys were careful not to take in too much alcohol coz they have work the following day. They contented themselves having one shot each of Black Label and a few bottles of San Mig Light. I didn't join them really coz I don't like the taste of beer. I had red wine instead- a bottle of it- all for myself hehehe. I was amused scanning Neil's collection of Time magazine that I didn't noticed I had been drinking a lot. The wine was actually a prize Neil won from a bet he had with Kokoy. Hay nako, mas malakas pa rin ang prayers namin na papasa sya ng boards kaya ayan tuloy, natalo ka hehehe.

Congratulations ulit, Engr. Neil Bryan Adulta!

---------------------*

I haven't finished reading my first Mary Higgins Clark novel. I was a little frustrated about it. Well maybe my interest is just different. I like novels that has art/culture/ geography/ history involved like Dan Brown's Angels and Demons and Da Vinci Code or Erich Segal's Acts of Faith. But I must say, still, Mary Higgins Clark writes beautifully. And I love the title - Let Me Call You Sweetheart. Hehe mukhang magandang terms of endearment. sweetheart...

---------------------*

my headache and sore throat are getting worse. I better go back to bed…

hot summer

grabeng init! i've been going out of the house for almost a week now. katulad ngayon, andito ko sa U.P. diliman, nagpapa- photocopy at bookbind. halos masunog na ang balat ko. hindi na ko magtataka kung magka- skin cancer ako.

nag- enroll na ko! hehe. actually, nakakalungkot kase nalaman ko na wala na pala kong bakasyon next summer. akala ko kase may one month pa ko. medyo nagpanick din ako huh. ngayon ko lang narealize na ang dami ko pa palang dapat ayusin.

school starts april 25 next sy. parang gusto kong makita lahat ng friends ko at isa- isa silang yakapin. i know i'll be missing them a lot. halos isa't kalahating taon din akong 'mawawala'. i guess my happy go lucky days are over coz sooner, i'll be facing the REAL world that i have chosen. i hope i'll survive it.

oh buble!

he is truly the king of croon
...sing me to sleep

Another summer day
Is come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aerorplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
But this was not your dream
But you always believe in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
And even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel alone
Oh, let go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

the boyish next door ...

i had a bonding session with dad and bro today. i helped them replace the front signal lights. dad and i joined forces in unscrewing stubborn bolts due to rust. it was fun soiling our hands and sweat profusely. after a tiring job, we feasted on mom's special rice cake and halo- halo. what a life!

a few days ago, i was thinking of texting my driving school about the schedule in trouble shooting. i realized, why wait for it when i can learn from the expert. people little know that dad, though doing ECE stuffs overseas, is actually a mecahnical engineer. i was really happy he still remember everything about engines. i guess it's because he knew it by heart.

about the title, it seeems i'm one of the boys again. :) only that i was wearing my cutesy pink dress while doing the boys stuff. haha! hindi talaga ko mapapagkamalang boy. masyado kong kikay to be one.

this is my last week of vacation. yep, back to work again next week.

my first visit at the medical city

main lobby of the new mediical city in pasig.the high priest and i attended a two- day seminar (april 21- 22) in the medical city. i was awed by its lush and tranquil environment. the place was so comfy. it has hotel- like interiors, gardens in and around the building, and nonmedical amenities such as foodcourt, salon, gym, auditorium, convenience store, flower shop, and starbucks. i would love to practice there (or maybe in the asian hospital :b ) in the future when i start my own family (but of course i have to wish that i'll be able to marry first hehehe.)

beating insomnia

mahirap magpa- antok...

Good bye, it’s time for me to go.
I’ll call you in the morning so I can let you know.
I know it hasn’t been easy to love a man like me.
Someday if we try there will be no goodbyes, and we will live happily.
Cuz I’ll be there one day and you’ll be right next to me.
I’ll be there one day and you will be right next to me.
Hey there, will you be where I am?
Will you be by myside girl, or with another man?
Just wait a little longer, girl
I don’t know how long.
Just try to understand this is not what I planned.
I’m sorry this had to be.
Oh girl, every man needs a woman.
You’re the woman that I choose and I can’t afford to lose you baby.
I’ll be there one day and you will be right next to me.
I’ll be there one day and you will be right next to me.
I swear to the world, you’ll always be my girl.
Just say you’ll be, right next to me.
I’ll be there one day
And you’ll be right next to me.

What happend last Saturday

I thought the day wouldn't end the way I presumed it to be. At first, it was pretty much like the other rendezvous that we had that as if nothing happened. I admit I waited for him to confront me about the text incident but he didn't. I can read his gestures though that he wanted to talk about it. I just let him take his time. We were together until noon but nothing happened. I could have done it but I guess I'm not the type who will initiate a confrontation. When I got home, I texted him, 'o, akala ko ba aawayin mo ko?' I was just teasing him but then I got series of text messages that were pretty serious. I didn't understand half of it. I was thankful he got the courage to come over and talk. Finally.

I wouldn't deny I got really pissed off with the message he sent me a few weeks back. I think there was no point in making a big fuzz out of a simple desire to be with me. He just have to say it plain and simple. I guess, I have explained my point well enough for him to understand.

I thought that was the end of it. I was surprised when I realized we were already talking about us. I think it was my kadaldalan that started it. The topic was pretty serious. Too serious for us to ironically, laugh about it. It is clear now that his intention is more than friendship. I will quote him in saying that he wanted to create an environment conducive for us to take our relationship into a different level. And that he didn't want to tell me about it coz what he wanted was for me to just FEEL it. I told him that all along, I regarded everything as just a friendly gesture, that he was just being nice to me. After all, he didn't make his intentions clear to me to begin with. There were a lot of loopholes in his plan. I was surprised he didn't even put himself in my place for him to anticipate the other possibilities.

I guess the purpose of the conversation was just to elucidate each other's side. I believe, we were successful in doing that. It was enough for me that the conversation has given me some sort of relief.

Nakakatuwa lang coz I just realized, whenever I wanted to be in a relationship, walang dumarating. Pag ayoko naman, merong dumarating na chance. I knew I can never predict what will be my feelings and decisions in the future. All I know is, right now, I'm happy and contented with my life even if I am unattached. Besides, I still don't feel the need for it. Right now, my family and friends are enough to make me feel beautiful and med school to keep me preoccupied.

I also wanted to be very honest that I'm not sure if I wanted him or not. From the start, I have set it in my mind so well that my relationship with him is only pure friendship. And even now, every time I try to see us in a different light, it doesn't flourish. (TO LZ and THE GODESS: parang normal pero at the middle of it nagiging impotent… haha, frigid pala. Pero parang mas bagay ata yung una dun sa statement. grabe, hindi ko kaya!) Also, (seryoso na ulit) I guess the ultimate reason is that I didn't feel the emptiness in me like there's something missing in my life and he's the one who can fill that space; or like there's something about being with him that tells me I'm finally home. Many say it is the magical moment. I also believe that it is. Once upon a time I have experienced it… pero hay nako, ang haba pa rin ng hair ko! :)

I just remember what he texted me before he decided to come over. He said he didn't want any confrontation. When he sees me, all he wanted to do is to hold me and seize the moment. Funny how it gave me some sort of nostalgia. The feeling was hard to decipher. It's as if I was traveled back in time when I shared that feeling with someone. I had to scroll the message and see that it really came from him coz for a second there I thought it was from someone else.

---------*
he just texted me a while ago saying he was sorry. He admitted that he did it because he wanted to play safe. I know it took him a lot of courage to do it and I commend him for that. ok na sa kin yung nalaman nya kung anong mali nya. And the rest, we can just charge it to experience.

ain't Sunday Morning yet

..

.

Sunday morning rain is falling

Steal some covers share some skin

Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable

You twist to fit the mold that I am in

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do

And I would gladly hit the road get up and go if I knew

That someday it would lead me back to you

That someday it would lead me back to you

.

That may be all I need

In darkness he is all I see

Come and rest your bones with me

Driving slow on Sunday morning

.

And I never want to leave

Fingers trace your every outline

Paint a picture with my hands

Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm

Change the weather still together when it ends

.

That may be all I need

In darkness he is all I see

Come and rest your bones with me

Driving slow on Sunday morning

.

And I never want to leave

But things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do

Sunday morning rain is falling and I'm calling out to you

Singing someday it'll bring me back to you

Find a way to bring myself back home to you

.

And you may not know

That may be all I need

In darkness he is all I see

Come and rest your bones with me

Driving slow on Sunday morning

.

.

2:25 am and still can't sleep

GKNB?

I was in my aunt's birthday party a while ago. It's been quite a while since I had a chat with my cousins. And it still flatters me that they now value my opinion. My siblings and I were the youngest among our cousins. The one who precedes us is six years older than me. It wasn't surprising we were excluded in their conversations. It was only when I graduated from college that I was welcome to hear the latest buzz and give comments from time to time. I've been quite a good listener though. And as time goes by, it seems I subconsciously becoming pessimist about relationships especially marriage. Their experiences broke my idealism. I guess I'm just afraid that when my turn comes, it will be just like theirs. I hope not. And I hope I won't be an old maid.
------------*
my driving lessons was re- sched on Monday. I hate it when my schedule was altered when my mind is already set into it. best also set a breakfast date afterwards which I can't cancel anymore. Hay nako. Well, we'll be seeing each other again after almost a month. Ano kyang mangyayari? Game ka na ba …. Ay ako pala dapat.
--------*
mariks already gave me a list of books to read for summer. I'm currently reading Andromeda Strain. Interesting. Ayan, hindi na naman ako makatulog. Anyway, thanks friend!

Driving lesson: day 3& 4

I had two- hour driving lesson for two days. We've reached Philcoa on the first day. I wonder how much more stressful driving in Manila. I realized driving is really a tough job. It seems I used up all my energy concentrating on the road and my footwork, and avoiding the hardheaded pedestrian crossing wherever they want. Para silang kabute. Kung saan- saan sumusulpot. Kainis talaga! As a bonus, I drove myself home. the owner of the driving school is based in Bulacan, pretty far from our house. Muntik na pala kong bumangga sa may Fatima, Lagro. Hay nako, if it weren't for the instructor's foot break, I would have been in serious trouble. Our car was trapped in the middle of the road. And that's just because of a single jeepney, just a car away from us that stopped in the middle of the road to get pasajeros. MAN!

The next day, I drove to Sta. Maria, Bulacan. a good one hour drive away from my house. I was happy they lend me the revo. I also had a new instructor. He was okay but very soft spoken. My brain can't make sense of his decibel so I told him, ' kuya, ok lang naman kung medyo sigawan nyo ko. Hindi naman ako magagalit.'
It was fun driving in bulacan. I can't help but take a glimpse of the beautiful houses. The street was like Corinthians. I remember one of Claudine Baretto's teleserye used one of those houses.

Driving was a lot more easier in the suburb even if the street had only two lanes and I had plenty of kasalubong. I was happy using third gear and still stepping on the accelerator. I had plenty of overtakes too. It was fun doing that for the first time. hehehe oh, and there was a cow literally dancing on the side of the road. It made me nervous though. Hindi ko maintindihan kung tatawid ba or not. Nakakaloka. Ang hirap bumasa ng isip ng baka.
-----------*-----------
i watched singles last night. la lang. i wan't a fan of that program. di lang ako makatulog. anyways, they were singing this song:

'... wala ring mangyayari, kung pag- isipan pa. maghihintay na na lng kung sino man iyong dapuan ng puso ko, tuloy pa rin ako.'

it made me smile. oo nga naman. ce'st la vie.

Driving Lesson: Day 2

hay nako. nakakainis. ang panget nung car na pinagamit sa kin ngayon. sana yung revo na lang ulit. ang uncomfortable naman kase nung echo. syet.

tinuruan me sa paahon. nakakangawit.

----------*

yehey!!! abogado na ang lola Van ko!!! congratulations!!!!

Driving lessons: day 1

i arrived there 9 am. the secretary told me i should be early. i would be applying for a student permit then. she made me talk to her contact on the phone. she will be the one to accompany me to LTO. the girl asked me what i was wearing. i told her, 'blue shirt and maong pants.' she then said 'ok. hintayin mo ko dun sa may gate ng church. naka- LIGHT BLACK ako na pants at blue na bag.' hehehe muntik na kong tumawa. buti na lang napigil ko.

i had an hour of driving lesson after that. ok naman. nakapagdrive ako sa may jordan plains hanggang regalado at SM. saya. :) nasigawan ako nung una kasi inaway ko yung tutor. pano ang gulo ng instructions. hay. nag- sorry naman ako afterwards kahit ayoko.

our friendship. a saga

i posted something i wrote not too long ago. alam kong marami nang nadagdag. i'll post what happened when its over. i've arranged it for easy reading. :)

Part I: the beginning

It was an offered friendship. We were in third year high school then and were both members of the leadership trainees. It was our habit to walk in Sacred Heart Village with some of the other trainees on our way home after the training. In one October afternoon, I popped out the question, 'pwede bang mag- apply… na maging bestfriend mo?' he smiled at me and said, 'oo naman.' That was how it all started.

The reason behind the proposal. He transferred to our school in fourth grade. We did not know each other then. Our school population was not that large at that time. One grade level had a maximum of three sections with an average of 30 students each. Maybe it was because of our childishness that we were unmindful of what or who was beyond the four walls our room plus our obedience to the nuns prevented us from going inside other classrooms. It was in sixth grade when we became classmates. I admit I did not like him at first. Our ideas were opposite. With the many times our opinions clashed, it was not surprising that we became aloof with each other. To be honest, I hated him. I didn’t go anywhere near him. One day, his bestfriend and my seatmate asked me, what will be my reaction if someone in the class have a crush on me. I was speechless. Later, his bestfriend told me it was him. My only reaction was 'yuck!.' (that reaction caused me my first enemy- his bestfriend). At that time, I was head over heels with someone else. (who also had a crush on me. We didn't have any relationship though. Well, that's another story). Almost all of my classmates knew about it. My ultimate crush (which I had for five years or so) and I became a favorite icon in school. Our teachers and classmates always make us the butt of 'tuksuhan'. That might have caused him to turn away and later on set his eyes on someone else. Junior high came and we became classmates again. It was then I asked my self what was it in him that made me not like him. I didn't have the answer. I had to find out. And the only way I can do that was to be close to him.

Part II: 8 years as best of friends

Our friendship have survived a lot of trials. Here are some that I remember and [probably] the major ones:

1. Big question mark- 'mag- bestfriend sila???? Duh!' many have raised their eyebrows on us and gossiped behind our back. I didn't know how we survived it. Maybe the 'overwhelming school activities' plus the emergence of intimate relationships helped take away their eyes on us.

2. His exes- This was one of the major challenges we had. All of his ex- girlfriends since junior high were our major headache. It wasn't a new scenario that a girlfriend gets jealous of her boyfriend's girl- best friend. My policy was never to be attached to any of his girls because I knew that later on they would just use me as a 'bridge' or an arbiter in their fights. I wanted his relationships to be his own thing. It was alright with me to give him advice whenever he wanted it. That was the only role I wanted to play in his love life. Period. My policy caused a huge misinterpretation on the part of his exes. It was not surprising if they hated me. Our best friend- relationship has caused them so much jealousy that became the root of their major fights and caused us to abstain ourselves from hanging out together (even talking to each other) to please his girlfriend[s].

3. I left him- for college. For four years, I stayed and studied in Manila. He studied in U.P. Diliman. We were in different cities and one hell of a big traffic away from each other. He managed to visit me a couple of times though, amidst the traffic and his paranoid girlfriend. As the years passed, our meeting became infrequent. Phone calls and text messages became fewer and fewer. We still tried to be there for each other but those times were the times we knew no one will better understood the situation than us. I must admit I made a lot of friends in college whom I have shared a lot of things I wasn't able to share with him. Maybe that was also his case. We drifted apart but we never forget.

4. He was the one who broke my heart. It was first year college. One night he gave me a call in the dorm. He just told me my long time M.U. was in love with someone else and that someone was his girlfriend (she was also a friend of mine before). The news itself cut down deep. How he said it made it more painful. He was harsh and cold. Until this moment, I do not know where he's coming from at that point. Forgiving him was not easy. It took a while before I finally find it in my heart to let go of that

Part III: Why can't it be?

'A Man is attracted to A Woman and A Woman to A Man.' That is one of the simple laws of human nature.

I wouldn't deny we have not gone through the years we had as best friends without being attracted to each other at one point or another. Our friendship was far from perfect. We talked about this topic once upon a time. He confessed to me that there was a time he had feelings for me but kept it to himself because he was 'natotorpe'. I also admitted the same thing but I had to overcome it because at that time, he was involved with someone else.

After that incident, I decided that it would be better to choose our friendship over something else. I have anticipated that there will come a time, history will repeat itself so I have to know then what to do when it comes. From then on, every time I felt he treated me extra special, I will turn down all his invitations. I had to prevent any chance we can have falling in love with each other. I must say my plan was successful, we wouldn't get this far if it wasn't. Until…

Part IV: In the middle of nowhere

I believe this is the ultimate challenge to our friendship. No one exactly know what we are right now. The thing is, between us, I am the one who doesn't want to know.

He started his 'pagpaparamdam' after our Christmas party last year. I was denying it, avoiding it the best that I could until he begged me not to turn my back on him. He needed me. His girlfriend just broke up with him and he can't stand the loneliness. I couldn't say no. It was a trap and I fell for it. I had to. My reasons weren't for myself but for him and my relationship with someone else. As his best friend, I have to be there for him but I cannot keep him close enough because I was attached to someone else. I had to hide my relationship because I knew it would cause me trouble with my best friend. And a negative remark would be too much for a fragile relationship. I didn't want best to know and I didn't want to lie about it either.

He almost proposed a couple of days after my relationship ended. I managed to avoid the topic. I wasn't ready for it and I knew at this moment, I am still not ready. My heart wasn't ready to accept or hurt another. My heart still needs more time to breathe and 'detoxify' itself.

Besides, I don't feel the need for it. Right now, I can confidently say that I'm happy with what I have even if it's not everything. My family and friends are my source of joy. I'm contented with what I hold in my hands. Someday, I know I will open my heart again. If it's for him, that I don't know. But what i know is I trust GOD he will lead me to someone better.

almost

i woke up this morning thinking if i'm going to ortigas and take the exams or not. the high priest and i tried our luck yesterday. we applied in a call center. i didn't pass the first try. i knew it from the moment i returned to my seat.
it was a group interview. i think we were 8 in the group. once we settled in our seats, the interviewer, with his 'twang' accent said ' ok, as part of your communication skills exercise, say something about yourself...' and then he called me. at that time, i was still thinking what i'm going to say. i'm telling my self that i shouldn't tell them i'm a med student. so i got up, went in front and look at the high priest. i can't remember anything i said. all i remember was that the cats i dissected was so foul smelling. bummer.
the high priest passed (congrats, galing mo talaga paps!) so i have to leave him there and go on to the next.
it was 1pm when i arrived octagon tower. grabe, sobrang haba ng pila. ayun, mga 2 hours lang naman akong pumila para makakuha ng i.d. corny no? i was talking to the two applicants i met while on the line. sa sobrang tagal, muntik na nilang naikwento buong buhay nila. nakakatuwa hehe. the girl's name was cristina (uy naalala kita, tina bebe) and the guy, adonis (ano ba namang pangalan yan,kakaloka). mabait naman sila at madaldal kaya di ako nainip. ayun, so natapos din ang pagpila namin sa wakas! so again,it was a group interview. this time, we were only three. when it was my time to say my piece, i told the truth that i am a med student trying my luck and so on. but i lied in the end. i told her (the interviewer) that i'm quitting med school. bad girl. (Again, I repeat. IT WAS A LIE!)
the three of us passed and were scheduled for exams this morning. paggising ko, sabi ni mother nature wag na lang daw ako pumunta. asikasuhin ko na lang daw yung driving lessons ko. so ayan, andito pa rin ako sa bahay. :)
oh well, my goal this summer was that i wanted to experience things that i might never be able to have when i become a doctor and braving a call center was one of them. since this is the LAST summer vacation that i have (and i'm determined it will be the last), this may be my only opportunity to do those things.

yesterday was a nice experience. sad nga lang hindi na ko tumuloy. pero madami pa naman akong agenda for this summer. hehehe hindi pa tapos ang adventure. it's just the beginning.
**
bukas na lang ako mag- uumpisa ng driving lessons ko. sumakit talaga mga binti at paa ko dahil sa heels na suot ko kahapon at sa kakahanap ng store sa megamall na pwedeng mag- print ng picture ko na hindi 24 copies ang minimum. mag- aaral pa pala ko ng pedia hehe.

he's the man who made me cry twice eventhough we haven't known each other.goodbye, pope. we'll miss you

Retrospect

just got home from school. tinignan ko yung promoboards. hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ako na magreremovals ako ng pedia. hay, at least pedia lang. and at least removals, hindi failed. medyo matagal pa naman yun so madami pang time mag- aral. yung tungkol sa friendster account ko, hay nako, ayoko nang pag- aksayahan ng oras. napaka- pathetic nung gumawa nun.

i was looking at some of the pictures stored in yahoo groups. nostalgic. anyways, here's some of the pics. oh, the fourth picture was from the high priest. ty ulit paps!

first year class picture. this was taken on the last day of the school year. nakaklungkot kase madami na nawala sa med. life goes on. medicine ain't everything