the first time i cried over the heartache

i have been thinking of making a letter for him here in my blog, but now i think it wouldn't be necessary. however, here is an excerpt of the letter i sent him. i hope those who are reading this page can learn something from us.

to those, even in their busy life took time to give me encouragement, thank you so much.

'...I wish that you had also let me be there for you as much as you wanted to be there for me. I wish that you have not made me feel unworthy and unwanted in the situation you’re going through. Maybe you just wanted to save me from all those. but a relationship cannot grow without going through difficulties. And I want you to know that whether you like it or not, when you experience hardships, I experience them too. Not telling me about them does not save me from anything. it just gave me more fear. It was like us going to a battle separately and ended up being losers. Because deep inside of us we have only but half a heart. If only we have joined those halves…'

to the one who first owned my heart, amidst everything, you are still the gem that will forever be kept in my heart.

another sad ending

for more than two years, i fervently wished to call the love my own. for seven months, ten days and eighteen and a half hours, i had it. i thought it will be a never ending love story. but after a thirty minute crucial conversation- and perhaps the last of them all, it ended. now all that's left are destroyed future plans, a broken promise, and perhaps also, a broken person behind a numb heart.

its way past my bedtime but i'm still awake. i'm doing my own version of 'cleaning up my closet.' i started with changing some infos in my friendster's profile and after this, i'll collect all the memorabilia and put them somewhere out of my sight. i'll still keep them though.. just in case a time comes when i want to see them again and remind me of the old times.

now i'm back with being single. not happy about it but not UNhappy about it either.

tomorrow will be another day. i don't know what the future brings but i'm still hoping that there's a brighter life ahead of me.

what you see is never the whole picture

People may hear something that I say, read a thing that I wrote.
but they can never fathom the whole story that I hold.
one can hear my piece for so many times,
but it can never reveal the feelings that are mine.
you can open my chest and take my heart.
Observe it as much as you like,
but you can never see the heartaches that it bears
for a cut made so deep in the soul
is something a man can keep for himself.
the pain can be concealed, can be forgotten
the body can cope up and get adapted
and everything settles in…
when another heartache comes,
the body ceased to feel, to become affected
and the mind worries no more.
but the wounds remain in the soul
and the pain will resurface again in a time that no one knows

-High Priestess
sometimes we think that we already know everything
but the truth is, we don’t.
we can never understand a movie by only seeing a part of it.
A glance can only see a portion
but it can never see the whole picture.

reading my heart out

i finished reading the first chapter of katzung. and i have my classmates (some of them) to thank for- and that's not something to be proud of. the drive is out of disgust for them.

today, i'll be back with my reading. just have to download this mp3 first.

last few days of a bummer

I do not know why I feel so low today. I guess I’m just bored. School starts on Monday. It wouldn’t be long before my life gets busy again. Out of boredom, I tried using this stupid speech toolbar but ended up retyping the words. This computer is going nuts. It’s typing phrases different from what I’m saying.

I'm ending this. I'm tired of talking and repeating myself. This is just so stupid.

a night with Harry

we watched harry potter last night in megamall cinema ten. we arrived on time (7pm) and saw how long the line was. we already have our tickets(courtesy of my papsi. thanks once again!) but still have to get on the line. but the seven of us still got the best seats by (ehem!) using my charms. thanks to tita Olive and papsi who encouraged me to do it. :) sorry na lang sa mga nasingitan ko. hehehe

sorry my mind gets blank. still sleepy perhaps. but last night was really fun.

missing summer means missing those that made it fun and worthwhile. i miss my best buds...

don't wanna look like a damsel in distress

my friend jonathan came here yesterday. I’m just so glad someone was with me. i've been cleaning the whole house when he arrived. And I wasn’t just cleaning it. I fixed broken items and put them in their proper places. now i realized i have obsessive- compulsive tendencies. And heart problems can trigger it.

I told him about the incident. He just shook his head at first and said ‘hindi na sya makakapunta dito.’ That made me stop for a while. I remember papa asking me what will dryn do to (name of my boyfriend) when he knew what’s happening. I told him I don’t want him to know because i fear on the outcome. I’ve been with my boy buds as long as I can remember. They aren’t like girls who just talk about their anger and they’re gone. Man has their way of letting it out. Besides, guys always believe that they are some sort of a knight in shining armor who has the responsibility of protecting their loved ones, most especially the girls. And I’m afraid that things wouldn’t be different for me even though they treat me as ‘one of the boys.’ I still believe on ‘lahat nadadaan sa mabuting usapan.’ And this problem, I want to face by myself. Alone. But if my best wouldn’t be good enough, I will then consider other options.

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Papsi and Tina called last night. I don’t know how they did it, but we were able to talk with each other using our mobile. That’s really cool. I was so touched.

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My mom told me the daughter of her manicurist was hospitalized. I was able to see the poor kid. She has large vesicles in her leg and its spreading to her thigh. The infection has spread already. Mom asked my opinion about her condition and what medicine should they give her. I’m so glad that even if I’m still a student, they value my opinion. Especially on my mom who doesn’t like me to become a doctor at first.