my lullaby- the original version

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.
Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.

sana one day hindi na

You're beautiful and that's for sure
Your never ever fade
Your lovely, but it's not for sure
And i won't ever change

And all my love is grey
And all my love is true

I'm like a bird I only fly away
I don't know where my soul is
I don't know where my home is
(And baby all I need for you to know is)

Your faith in me brings me to tears
Even after all these years
And it pains me so much to tell
That you don't know me that well

and all my Love is grey
and all my love is true

I'm like a bird I only fly away
I don't know where my soul is
I don't know where my home is
(And baby all I need for you to know is)

kahapon...

i was in intramuros to attend an afternoon mass in San Agustin Church. i thanked the LORD for another year He has blessed me with. i had a little soul searching too and i've realized that i cannot have everything. i can only choose one to prioritize. i'm close to having a decision. it saddens me though that i may hurt somebody's feelings because of it. syempre masasaktan din ako.

two important persons accompanied me to mass. one was a good friend of mine. i've been praying for her and her family since the moment she told me her dad's condition was getting worse. my heart goes for her. if i can only bear half of her pain...

the other one was best. he often caught me blank. wala talaga sa sarili. my mind was somewhere else.

my journey back to the temple

Today marks the anniversary of my existence. I'm trying to reminisce the past as far as my memory can serve me but as of the moment, my mind is preoccupied with thoughts of the present and the future.
The heavens knew already about my foolishness- I escaped the temple and went back to earth to find out something for myself…and what did i found?

Failure. After the nth time it finally hit on me.

Learning comes in the hard way for the intractable.
Now, I'm going home once again to the temple of the goddess. This time with my eyes blindfolded so in case I happened to turn my head, I will not be lured again to go back. May the wind blow the steps that I have taken so I may not retrace my path and may thy humble hands soon touch the doors to the shrine where my father, the high priest, and I both serve.

May the goddess grant thee with everlasting fertility.

---*----
This used to be Mother Nature's favorite song… it has now become my lullaby.

Moonriver
Wider than a mile
I'll be crossing you in style
Someday

Oh, Dreammaker
You heartbreaker
Wherever you're going
I'm going your way

Two drifters
Off to see the world
I'm not so sure the world
Deserves us

We're after
The same rainbow's end
How come it's just around the bend?
It's always just around the bend.


Best and I (partly) said our goodbyes. Yep, he'll be leaving this Sunday for Malaysia (matutuloy na talaga sya).
Best, I'll see you soon. Promise.

carpal tunnel

not some sort of a secret passage. its the most common nerve entrapment syndrome and is caused by entrapment of the median nerve at the wrist. we were taught how to test for CTS in PD demo class yesterday and as usual, i did the test to myself (i suppose PD demo is a 'know thy self' class. subtitle, a discovery of one's hidden disorder). to my surprise, my left hand was positive. so anticipate that when i get older, symptoms will get worst. yeah, i should tell that to myself. at least it's my left, not my right hand which is the dominant. something that i should be thankful of.

MY SASSY GIRL

oo nga pala, i watched that movie yesterday. i was too exhausted from school so i decided to take a little break. movie lines are always cheesy. do they really create them as such? hehe. the line from the old man is pretty timing for heart's day. here's how it goes...

'Fate is building a bridge of chance for the one you love.'

so CHANCE is not something that you wait for all your life.
my dear friends, learn from it. ahahahaha!!!

i hope i myself won't forget that line in the future.

e2 na ba un? i hope not...

i have a drinking spree with my bud today. i canceled it this morning because i don't feel like going. i've been thinking about the reason why. well maybe, it's some sort of a sign. they say your instinct tries to save you from distress or as catholics believe, a divine intervention. maybe this is it. i don't know. but i'll trust on it. and i'll cross my fingers not to see another victim of terrorists' bombing on tv tonight.

yes, even angels fall

You've found hope
You've found faith,
Found how fast she could take it away.
Found true love,
Lost your heart.
Now you don't know who you are.
She made it easy,
Made it free,
Made you hurt til you couldn't see.
Sometimes it stops,
Sometimes it flows,
But baby that is how love goes.
You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.
It's a secret no one tells;
One day it's heaven, one day it's hell.
It's no fairy tale;
Take it from me,
That's the way it's supposed to be.
You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.
You laugh, you cry, no one knows why
Behold the thrill of it all...
You're on the ride
You might as well
Open your eyes
You will fly and you will crawl;
God knows even angels fall.
No such thing as you lost it all.
God knows even angels fall.
Even angels fall
Even angels fall

**this is supposedly for yesterday. wasn't able to post it though coz i went home late. went out with my best last night and i guess we were both successful in filling up our loneliness. best, you may not be able to read this but thank you. from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being with me at times rain clouds sets in..even if you don't know it.

"No greater opportunity or obligation can fall the lot of a human being than to be a physician. In the care of the suffering he needs technical skill, scientific knowledge, and human understanding. he who uses these with courage, humility, and wisdom will provide a unique service for his fellow man and will build an enduring edifice of character within himself. the physician should ask no more than this, and he should be content with no less"

.

.

- Tinsley Randolph Harrison, M.D.

apple of my eyes

just arrived from amadeo, cavite (known for their coffee). building houses was tiring yet fun. just want to thank cya for always bringing me back to the apple of my eyes (for two times i went with them, i get the chance to go back to the place that has enchanted me). sorry, i wasn't able to get a picture of it.

Farewell

when i was young, mommy and lola always tell us that she didn't love us. that her niece was more important to her than her true grandchildren. it didn't really matter to me then since i was too young to understand... to feel the insecurity that they were feeling for us.

later on, i realized maybe they're right. i remember mom and dad asking her to live with us. she will stay for a week but after that she will ask mom to drive her back.

she wasn't able to watch us grow....

i can't recall when she finally decided to stay with us for good. but what i do remember was that in all those time, i wasn't good to her... and none of my siblings were...

Last monday, as i looked at her lying in her bed, i thought of all those times that we have lost... and yes, finally, i have let go of the anger that once was instilled in my mind. for two days, i took care of her. i did it not out of pity but through compassion...i wanted her to feel that she was loved after all.

this morning, after checking her I.V., i stayed beside her for a while. i touched her hand and caressed her forehead. i didn't know that will be the last...

In loving memory of

my grandmother, Doña Apolonia Pascual Bagsic

bakit ganun ang mga forwarded messages?

got this from a friend. i wus smiling the whole time i was reading it. it amazes me how people are connected to each other. how people are meant to feel the pain, anxiety, and hope of another person that they don't even know... that a certain experince is meant to produce one common emotion regardless of who you are or where you're from... amazing...

Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong aalalahanin, wala na akong iisipin...
Pero hirap akong matulog sa gabi dahil bumabalik
yung mga alaala noong magkasama kami.
Naiisip ko kung paano niya hawakan yung kamay ko,
yung tipong nagsasabing hindi niya ako iiwanan.
Kung pa'no niya ko yakapin, yung nagsasabing lagi niya akong poprotektahan.
At kung pa'no niya ako halikan, yung nagsasabing mahal na mahal nya ako.

Yehey! Wala na kami. Hindi na ako iiyak pa...
Pero kapag gabi nagagawa ko pa ring umiyak, dahil nami-miss ko siya.
Nami-miss ko yung mga ngiti niyang nakakaloko, mga jokes niyang corny,
mga tingin niyang nakakatunaw, tawa niyang nakakabaliw,
pangungulit niya sa akin at kung anu-ano pang
kapraningan na ginagawa niya.
Nami-miss ko yun...

Yehey! Wala na kami.
Wala na akong tatawagan, hindi na ako magte-text sa kanya,
at makakaipon na ako ng pera para sa sarili ko.
Pero sa tuwing hawak ko ang cell phone ko,
lagi kong hinahanap ang pangalan niya.
Lagi akong nate-tempt na magtext sa kanya, o di naman kaya, tumawag.
Nangangati lagi ang darili ko na pindutin ang "Write Message"
i-type ang message ko,
i-scroll yung button para makita ko yung number niya,
at tapos ipe-press ko yung "Send".
O kaya naman, i-scroll ko yung button para mahanap yung name niya
tapos ipe-press ko yung "Call".
Kahit na alam ko na mauubos na ang load ko
at wala na akong pambili ng credit (dahil kabibigay lang ng nanay ko).
Kahit na alam kong hindi naman sya magre-reply at hinding-hindi nya ako tatawagan.
At kahit kailan hindi na nya gagawin pang magparamdam.

Yehey! Wala na kami.
Magkakaroon na ako ng time para sa sarili ko, sa pamilya ko at sa barkada ko.
Pero sa tuwing lalabas ako ng bahay, kasama man ang pamilya o barkada ko,
siya lagi ang naaalala ko, na sana, kasama ko siya ngayon.
Magkahawak kamay na namamasyal, naglolokohan, nagkukulitan,
at nagtatawanan.
Tapos, walang katapusang usapan
kung saan kakain ng lunch, kung sa Jollibee, McDo, KFC, o sa Max's.
Kung pupunta ba sa isang game arcade
para maglaro ng video games o di kaya naman, kung maglalaro ng basketball,
bowling or billiards.
Tapos, i-hahatid niya ako papauwi
sabay nanakawan ng halik habang nasa biyahe.

Yehey! Wala na kami.
Hindi na ako magpupuyat sa kakatutok sa computer,
aabutin ng madaling-araw kaka-chat sa kanya.
Pero sa tuwing may ise-search ako sa Internet,
bubuksan ko ang Yahoo Messenger, MSN Messenger, ICQ, at MIRC
dahil baka sakaling dumating siya.
Makausap ko man lang, makikipagkulitan uli
at baka sakaling magkaliwanagan kami at maibalik ang dating "kami".

Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong boyfriend, pwede na akong tumingin sa iba
at tumanggap ng manliligaw.
Pero sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi na ako magmamahal pa uli.
Dahil siya lang ang mahal ko.
Siya lang ang nakaka-kumpleto sa araw ko,
siya lang yung inspirasyon ko sa mga bagay-bagay.
Siya lang yung nakakaintindi sa akin kapag may problema ako.
Siya lang yung nakakapagpatahan sa akin kapag umiiyak ako.
Siya lang ang buhay ko, siya lang, wala ng iba.
Magmamahal din ako, pero hindi muna ngayon,
hindi muna...

me

i'm sorry if saying how i feel now would make you angry/ irritated or whatever you call it. but this is me. they say women are hard to understand... in that part i do believe in that.( i do not have any intention for that matter to speak for every woman in this world.)

i am fickle minded... but being fickle minded doesn't mean to say what i'm saying are lies. they are my true feelings. for that certain point in time that i've said them, they are true...

the only lie i made in all of this was something that didn't even came out of my mouth. and yes, i was already punished for that. and i believe i have suffered more than i should.

i'm not perfect. no matter how much i try to be, i can never be a perfect daughter, friend, partner, or student. i have commited a lot of mistakes and i'm sure i'll commit more of them in the future. (i'm sorry, but i believe that is the essence of being a human- to commit mistakes and learn from them). at this point, i admit that it was my big mistake to say NEVER to something that i have no control of...

i have exerted so much effort to move on. i may say that it's progressive but my heart just can't let go.

we have only one life. i don't want to spend mine in waste. i can have all the riches and fame in the world, but those will never be enough to make a person feel complete. they say there's only one way... that is to follow your heart.

one day you will find your greatest love. someone that you will be willing to go against all the odds for that person... that you're willing to exchange anything and everything just to have a moment with her. and when that time comes, you will then understand.

if you're just worrying about me, thank you. don't worry i'll think a million times before i make my final decision and i'll ask GOD for guidance.

exhibit 1: thought for the week

how do you know that you've found the one?

How can i not love you?

i heard this song again...

Cannot Touch, Cannot Hold
Cannot Be Together
Cannot Love, Cannot Kiss
Cannot Have Each Other
Must Be Strong
And We Must Let Go
Cannot Say What Our Hearts Must Know

How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Walks Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone
Cannot Dream
Cannot Share Sweet And Tender Moments
Cannot Feel How We Feel
Must Pretend Its over
Must Be Brave
And We Must Go On
Must Not Say What We've Known All Along

How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Walks Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone
How Can I Not Love You
Must Be Brave
And We Must Be Strong
Cannot Say What We've Known All Along


How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Waltz Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone
How Can I Not Love You When You Are Gone

...now my heart is in pieces