current status removed

sh@t! i thought i would not be able to remove that post. whew. i think i better stop doing fb. you know when you have all these emotions going on and your hands landed on a keyboard you find yourself exposing to the whole world how you feel and yes, afterward regretting that you did it big time. im no krissy A. and i have learned to keep things low key. but hey, i still need this blog to vent a little sometimes. well at least this is not like fb where everyone knows whose wall this belongs. i wish life also have that remove button. you don't want your current status? that's easy. click remove and then type another one.

when things get awry, it calls for a bonding time with friends. hang out with them and talk nonstop until you get it all out of your system then come home relieved. well that is exactly the problem now. when i was working my ass in the hospital as a junior and senior intern, i was craving for time to spend with friends and maybe a special someone. now that i have all these time, i can't even find someone to spend it with. where were they? true friends are hard to find and hard to keep. i lost one last year and two this year. those were the closest ones.

a couple of nights ago, i talked to a friend who is living miles away. we fondly call each other buddies. maybe, she sensed how i was feeling that's why she called me. the conversation was nice and long and personal. i miss it. i miss that kind of conversation that you know someone is truly listening to you, empathizing to whatever issue you have. in the end, she told me something that is maybe a little bit painful to accept but that's what true friends are. Friends are those who are not afraid to tell you bitter things not to crush your spirit but to help you to become a better person. deep inside, you know that those bitter things were always the truth.

her words were:

"ikaw kase bud, kahit dati pa, ang hilig-hilig mong pumasok sa mga komplikadong bagay..."

- to which i strongly disagreed and told her all i wanted was the opposite. but looking back, bud was right. what all those persons have in common was me. whatever role i played in their lives was something that i allowed or chose to be. i wanted something else but i did otherwise. i can't blame that to some twist of fate.

she also added,

"...go out there. meet strangers. do whatever you want to do. don't let it hold you back."

i was afraid. now i know i shouldn't be. maybe it will take a lot of getting used to. but i won't hold myself back. not now. not this time.



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