bakit ganun ang mga forwarded messages?

got this from a friend. i wus smiling the whole time i was reading it. it amazes me how people are connected to each other. how people are meant to feel the pain, anxiety, and hope of another person that they don't even know... that a certain experince is meant to produce one common emotion regardless of who you are or where you're from... amazing...

Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong aalalahanin, wala na akong iisipin...
Pero hirap akong matulog sa gabi dahil bumabalik
yung mga alaala noong magkasama kami.
Naiisip ko kung paano niya hawakan yung kamay ko,
yung tipong nagsasabing hindi niya ako iiwanan.
Kung pa'no niya ko yakapin, yung nagsasabing lagi niya akong poprotektahan.
At kung pa'no niya ako halikan, yung nagsasabing mahal na mahal nya ako.

Yehey! Wala na kami. Hindi na ako iiyak pa...
Pero kapag gabi nagagawa ko pa ring umiyak, dahil nami-miss ko siya.
Nami-miss ko yung mga ngiti niyang nakakaloko, mga jokes niyang corny,
mga tingin niyang nakakatunaw, tawa niyang nakakabaliw,
pangungulit niya sa akin at kung anu-ano pang
kapraningan na ginagawa niya.
Nami-miss ko yun...

Yehey! Wala na kami.
Wala na akong tatawagan, hindi na ako magte-text sa kanya,
at makakaipon na ako ng pera para sa sarili ko.
Pero sa tuwing hawak ko ang cell phone ko,
lagi kong hinahanap ang pangalan niya.
Lagi akong nate-tempt na magtext sa kanya, o di naman kaya, tumawag.
Nangangati lagi ang darili ko na pindutin ang "Write Message"
i-type ang message ko,
i-scroll yung button para makita ko yung number niya,
at tapos ipe-press ko yung "Send".
O kaya naman, i-scroll ko yung button para mahanap yung name niya
tapos ipe-press ko yung "Call".
Kahit na alam ko na mauubos na ang load ko
at wala na akong pambili ng credit (dahil kabibigay lang ng nanay ko).
Kahit na alam kong hindi naman sya magre-reply at hinding-hindi nya ako tatawagan.
At kahit kailan hindi na nya gagawin pang magparamdam.

Yehey! Wala na kami.
Magkakaroon na ako ng time para sa sarili ko, sa pamilya ko at sa barkada ko.
Pero sa tuwing lalabas ako ng bahay, kasama man ang pamilya o barkada ko,
siya lagi ang naaalala ko, na sana, kasama ko siya ngayon.
Magkahawak kamay na namamasyal, naglolokohan, nagkukulitan,
at nagtatawanan.
Tapos, walang katapusang usapan
kung saan kakain ng lunch, kung sa Jollibee, McDo, KFC, o sa Max's.
Kung pupunta ba sa isang game arcade
para maglaro ng video games o di kaya naman, kung maglalaro ng basketball,
bowling or billiards.
Tapos, i-hahatid niya ako papauwi
sabay nanakawan ng halik habang nasa biyahe.

Yehey! Wala na kami.
Hindi na ako magpupuyat sa kakatutok sa computer,
aabutin ng madaling-araw kaka-chat sa kanya.
Pero sa tuwing may ise-search ako sa Internet,
bubuksan ko ang Yahoo Messenger, MSN Messenger, ICQ, at MIRC
dahil baka sakaling dumating siya.
Makausap ko man lang, makikipagkulitan uli
at baka sakaling magkaliwanagan kami at maibalik ang dating "kami".

Yehey! Wala na kami. Wala na akong boyfriend, pwede na akong tumingin sa iba
at tumanggap ng manliligaw.
Pero sabi ko sa sarili ko, hindi na ako magmamahal pa uli.
Dahil siya lang ang mahal ko.
Siya lang ang nakaka-kumpleto sa araw ko,
siya lang yung inspirasyon ko sa mga bagay-bagay.
Siya lang yung nakakaintindi sa akin kapag may problema ako.
Siya lang yung nakakapagpatahan sa akin kapag umiiyak ako.
Siya lang ang buhay ko, siya lang, wala ng iba.
Magmamahal din ako, pero hindi muna ngayon,
hindi muna...

me

i'm sorry if saying how i feel now would make you angry/ irritated or whatever you call it. but this is me. they say women are hard to understand... in that part i do believe in that.( i do not have any intention for that matter to speak for every woman in this world.)

i am fickle minded... but being fickle minded doesn't mean to say what i'm saying are lies. they are my true feelings. for that certain point in time that i've said them, they are true...

the only lie i made in all of this was something that didn't even came out of my mouth. and yes, i was already punished for that. and i believe i have suffered more than i should.

i'm not perfect. no matter how much i try to be, i can never be a perfect daughter, friend, partner, or student. i have commited a lot of mistakes and i'm sure i'll commit more of them in the future. (i'm sorry, but i believe that is the essence of being a human- to commit mistakes and learn from them). at this point, i admit that it was my big mistake to say NEVER to something that i have no control of...

i have exerted so much effort to move on. i may say that it's progressive but my heart just can't let go.

we have only one life. i don't want to spend mine in waste. i can have all the riches and fame in the world, but those will never be enough to make a person feel complete. they say there's only one way... that is to follow your heart.

one day you will find your greatest love. someone that you will be willing to go against all the odds for that person... that you're willing to exchange anything and everything just to have a moment with her. and when that time comes, you will then understand.

if you're just worrying about me, thank you. don't worry i'll think a million times before i make my final decision and i'll ask GOD for guidance.

exhibit 1: thought for the week

how do you know that you've found the one?

How can i not love you?

i heard this song again...

Cannot Touch, Cannot Hold
Cannot Be Together
Cannot Love, Cannot Kiss
Cannot Have Each Other
Must Be Strong
And We Must Let Go
Cannot Say What Our Hearts Must Know

How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Walks Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone
Cannot Dream
Cannot Share Sweet And Tender Moments
Cannot Feel How We Feel
Must Pretend Its over
Must Be Brave
And We Must Go On
Must Not Say What We've Known All Along

How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Walks Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone
How Can I Not Love You
Must Be Brave
And We Must Be Strong
Cannot Say What We've Known All Along


How Can I Not Love You
What Do I Tell My Heart
When Do I Not Want You Here In My Arms
How Does One Waltz Away From All Of The Memories
How Do I Not Miss You When You Are Gone
How Can I Not Love You When You Are Gone

...now my heart is in pieces

Doulos

tomorrow could have been a very important date for me. just can't help but remenisce the day it all started. this song reminded me of it...

I'll always remember
It was late afternoon
It lasted forever
And ended too soon

You were all by yourself
Staring up at a dark gray sky
I was changed

In places no one would find
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)
It was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry

The moment that I saw you cry

It was late in september
And I've seen you before (and you were)
You were always the cold one
But i was never that sure
You were all by yourself
Staring at a dark gray sky
I was changed

In places no one would find
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)
It was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry

I wanted to hold you
i wanted to make it go away
I wanted to know you
I wanted to make your everything, all right....

I'll always remember...
It was late afternoon...
In places no one would find...

In places no one would find
All your feelings so deep inside (deep inside)
It was then that I realized
That forever was in your eyes
The moment I saw you cry

it's funny how a single song described it all, like it was written based on my experience.
yes, even the month was the same.... it was sweet september.

Hope for the Flowers

I'm like the catterpillar in the story i have so loved in college. like him, i have fought to get on top of the pillar and like him i was kicked off and fell on the ground just before i reached the top.

it was sad at first but then i've realized being on the race isn't the name of the game. i left the pillar but i know one day i'll be up there too. . . someday when i have developed my wings.

going nowhere

all this time i've been running.... and now, i don't know where i am. i guess this depression is getting the best of me.. it has affected my loved ones too. ive been thinking of getting professional help. i can't anymore sleep because of the nightmares. they just seem wont stop. crying doesn't relieve anything anymore. if somebody can just hold me tight enough that i can't anymore let go and run again... to the one i have hurted so much, sorry. i'm just too broken. i dont anymore know how can i help myself.

the only truth that i know about me is the fear that i have been hiding... that one day everything that i have in my hands will slip away... and yes, it seems that fear is coming true. tomorrow what will be next... i do not know... i'm becoming more of an observer of my own life. i wish the world will stop turning for a moment... i need to breathe... but then i realized i lost my air.

sana, heaven will grant my final wish....

half lang... half lang nakangiti... kasi yung half...haaaay... 

a blessing

at long last, i have seen a light in the dark. the darkness was fast consuming me and i was already close to losing hope, but then again, God has proven to be there. i cant help but get excited. i didn't expect it will be that soon. with all my heart, i thank THEE for this wonderful blessing. it is easier to breathe now.

had a sip of vodka today. it's been a long time since the last time i have tasted alcohol. thanks to my cousin. :) just had a SIP. still have to do my CPC and report tonight.

day dreaming....grrrr

I’ve been staring at my book for 10 minutes now and I’ve realized I haven’t read anything or have understood a single word that my eyes have passed on. My mind seems to be somewhere beyond the walls of this room.

Yesterday, I was in the OPD with a friend. Somehow, I had a glimpse of my future. The thought made me anxious though. I never wanted the kind of life that I have seen. And with every chance, I knew I will try to escape from it. But the decision I have made doesn’t give me much of the chance. I’m afraid I only led myself more to the abyss. But don’t get me wrong, it’s not about being a doctor. It’s about going into the real world. I guess I will never become ready to plunge into it.

I have been dreaming of going to a far off place to ponder on things. Life here has not been so kind to render solitude. Maybe there I can find a stranger to talk to. It’s easier to think that I have shared my thoughts to someone who is not a part of my life and to know that at the end of the day, I will never see him again. And i hope my anxiety will go as i watch him leave.

Yesterday...

I procrastinated and im proud of it!

it wasn't plannned, though. yesterday morning i went to school to get my manual which i shouldnt have left in my locker. just went to the parlor in the afternoon and treated myself. now, im cramming to finish my reading for my regular shifting in patho tomorrow. harharhar. oh well, c'est la vie!

thankful

i feel ok now. i realized i'm so blessed to have someone who holds my hand when i feel so low and gives me reassurance that everything will be alright.

thank you..more than words can say...

i'm losing it... i do not know how long i've been keeping this anxiety within me. right now, i just feel too saturated to continue... for a time, i have tried to be a friend to myself, trying to cure my own wounds. but then i've realized that each passing day, the wounds aren't healing at all...

i'm tired...

i better get help.

CODE C

one of my bad days...

i got stuck in traffic this morning. and that's because of the usual reason during this season: FLOOD. i don't think the government is doing its job. for a common road to be closed just because of negligence in a what should be an anticipated problem during rainy days pisses me, and i think all of us, off. i usually leave my house early. i've been disciplining my self to be professional, especially time wise, since the beginning of this SY. i cannot, and would never, let it be destroyed for any reason. so there i was, stuck in traffic for ten minutes. seeing many people walking convinced me that it's hopless. i, together with my sister, decided to walk. it was 7 am then on my watch (ten minutes advance from my school) and the distance we have to travel was no joke. oh well, we have tried a short cut but ended up getting stuck again in traffic. we had no choice but get on our feet and walk from commonwealth to dahlia ave. got in the ward at 730. damn.. still late but better than being absent.

made the usual history taking today at the ward. we had a 26 year old mentally retarded patient with dengue. our proctor was unusually early today (usually, he meet us 30 minutes before the time). we've been waiting for him to come out from their office to discuss the history when an emergency happened. a patient had an attack, i suppose, which caused all the PGIs, nurses and residents to flood the room. the way they went to the scene was very distinct- the PGIs with their worried faces hurriedly rushed to the patient while the gods (residents) looked reserved and calm as if nothing unusual is happening (they have even managed to greet each other... i don't know if that was their way to fight the usual reponse that a person in an emergency situation should have. but damn them, they are all good actors).

later, our proctor came and led us a few feet away from the scene, and explained what was happening. it was a case termed CODE C or, in some hospitals they call it, CODE BLUE which means a patient is in a life and death situation and an emergency procedure has to be done to save him. we discussed the history at that same room. me and my groupmates had a hard time... its not easy to keep our composure knowing that someone just a few feet away from us is battling for his life. well maybe that's the lesson our proctor wanted us to learn today.

i had a glimpse of the patient before we left the ward. i have only seen his abdomen with a meny tubes lying above it (they have covered his place with a divider). i pray he'll survive the crisis.

really tired already. now, i want to go home and sleep... unfortunately, i cannot afford to do that. :)

go the distance

been listening to this song yesterday. i realized i have gone weary fighting my battle... well, this song did made help. it inspired me again.

...one of my favorite

I have often dreamed of a far off place,
Where a heros welcome would be waiting for me.
Where the crowds would cheer, when they see my face,
And a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be

I'll be there someday, I can go the distance.
I will find my way if I can be strong.
I know every mile would be worth my while,
When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong.

Down an unknown road to embrace my fate,
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you.
And a thousand years would be worth the wait.
It might take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through

And I won't look back, I can go the distance,
And I'll stay on track, no I won't accept defeat,
It's an uphill slope,
But I won't loose hope, 'till I go the distance
And my journey is complete, oh yeah.

But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part,
For a heros strength is measured by his heart, ohh...

Like a shooting star, I will go the distance,
I will search the world, I will face it's harms,
I don't care how far, I can go the distance,
'Till I find my heros welcome waiting in your arms.

I will search the world, I will face its harms
'Till I find my heros welcome waiting in your arms.