Part IV: In the middle of nowhere

I believe this is the ultimate challenge to our friendship. No one exactly know what we are right now. The thing is, between us, I am the one who doesn't want to know.

He started his 'pagpaparamdam' after our Christmas party last year. I was denying it, avoiding it the best that I could until he begged me not to turn my back on him. He needed me. His girlfriend just broke up with him and he can't stand the loneliness. I couldn't say no. It was a trap and I fell for it. I had to. My reasons weren't for myself but for him and my relationship with someone else. As his best friend, I have to be there for him but I cannot keep him close enough because I was attached to someone else. I had to hide my relationship because I knew it would cause me trouble with my best friend. And a negative remark would be too much for a fragile relationship. I didn't want best to know and I didn't want to lie about it either.

He almost proposed a couple of days after my relationship ended. I managed to avoid the topic. I wasn't ready for it and I knew at this moment, I am still not ready. My heart wasn't ready to accept or hurt another. My heart still needs more time to breathe and 'detoxify' itself.

Besides, I don't feel the need for it. Right now, I can confidently say that I'm happy with what I have even if it's not everything. My family and friends are my source of joy. I'm contented with what I hold in my hands. Someday, I know I will open my heart again. If it's for him, that I don't know. But what i know is I trust GOD he will lead me to someone better.