What happend last Saturday

I thought the day wouldn't end the way I presumed it to be. At first, it was pretty much like the other rendezvous that we had that as if nothing happened. I admit I waited for him to confront me about the text incident but he didn't. I can read his gestures though that he wanted to talk about it. I just let him take his time. We were together until noon but nothing happened. I could have done it but I guess I'm not the type who will initiate a confrontation. When I got home, I texted him, 'o, akala ko ba aawayin mo ko?' I was just teasing him but then I got series of text messages that were pretty serious. I didn't understand half of it. I was thankful he got the courage to come over and talk. Finally.

I wouldn't deny I got really pissed off with the message he sent me a few weeks back. I think there was no point in making a big fuzz out of a simple desire to be with me. He just have to say it plain and simple. I guess, I have explained my point well enough for him to understand.

I thought that was the end of it. I was surprised when I realized we were already talking about us. I think it was my kadaldalan that started it. The topic was pretty serious. Too serious for us to ironically, laugh about it. It is clear now that his intention is more than friendship. I will quote him in saying that he wanted to create an environment conducive for us to take our relationship into a different level. And that he didn't want to tell me about it coz what he wanted was for me to just FEEL it. I told him that all along, I regarded everything as just a friendly gesture, that he was just being nice to me. After all, he didn't make his intentions clear to me to begin with. There were a lot of loopholes in his plan. I was surprised he didn't even put himself in my place for him to anticipate the other possibilities.

I guess the purpose of the conversation was just to elucidate each other's side. I believe, we were successful in doing that. It was enough for me that the conversation has given me some sort of relief.

Nakakatuwa lang coz I just realized, whenever I wanted to be in a relationship, walang dumarating. Pag ayoko naman, merong dumarating na chance. I knew I can never predict what will be my feelings and decisions in the future. All I know is, right now, I'm happy and contented with my life even if I am unattached. Besides, I still don't feel the need for it. Right now, my family and friends are enough to make me feel beautiful and med school to keep me preoccupied.

I also wanted to be very honest that I'm not sure if I wanted him or not. From the start, I have set it in my mind so well that my relationship with him is only pure friendship. And even now, every time I try to see us in a different light, it doesn't flourish. (TO LZ and THE GODESS: parang normal pero at the middle of it nagiging impotent… haha, frigid pala. Pero parang mas bagay ata yung una dun sa statement. grabe, hindi ko kaya!) Also, (seryoso na ulit) I guess the ultimate reason is that I didn't feel the emptiness in me like there's something missing in my life and he's the one who can fill that space; or like there's something about being with him that tells me I'm finally home. Many say it is the magical moment. I also believe that it is. Once upon a time I have experienced it… pero hay nako, ang haba pa rin ng hair ko! :)

I just remember what he texted me before he decided to come over. He said he didn't want any confrontation. When he sees me, all he wanted to do is to hold me and seize the moment. Funny how it gave me some sort of nostalgia. The feeling was hard to decipher. It's as if I was traveled back in time when I shared that feeling with someone. I had to scroll the message and see that it really came from him coz for a second there I thought it was from someone else.

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he just texted me a while ago saying he was sorry. He admitted that he did it because he wanted to play safe. I know it took him a lot of courage to do it and I commend him for that. ok na sa kin yung nalaman nya kung anong mali nya. And the rest, we can just charge it to experience.