thanks for the eyebags part II

last night was another night of heartache (and puyat!!!) for me but minus the tears and sky rocketing anger. after a long sigh (now sighs are becoming therapeutic) i have realized that even in my anger, a powerful hand was there that guided me that i was able to do what i have to do (or it should have been what i had to say). thanks, bro. it is true that the only people who can hurt us are the ones we love. and sometimes, we are just as guilty, hurting them knowingly or unknowingly.

but even if we were hurt, we cried, we bleed, we got mad, at the end of the day, it is still the love we have for that person that lingers. and i am just as amazed that through it all, i am still able to return love. i could have just walked away (much easier) or kill that person with my words (haha if words can kill).

there was this card that was given to me 10 years ago that said, 'when troubles seem too heavy, fly like a bird high into the sky and see how small the earth becomes.' there could be a lot of interpretation to that. but for me, it's looking at the problem from a different perspective (and not running away from it). when we are ruled by strong emotion, we tend to focus on that one aspect that hurt us. we tend to gravitate more towards it. rising to a higher ground, makes us see that what we are looking at is just a part of a bigger picture. and when we are able to see what that picture is all about, we come to understand. and the hurt and anger we have were appeased.

having mentioned strong emotions, i remember one of my favorite saints, Ignatius de Loyola. he wrote the Rules of Discernment, an autobiographical masterpiece but with a universal application. one of the lessons was, we should not make a decision whenever we are governed by a strong emotion (too much joy, anger, sadness, or fear) because that decision tends to be the work of a devil. learning this is really a challenge. how easy is shutting up whenever we are very angry? how many couples break up in the middle of a fight? how many people take their own life because of too much anxiety? how many girls lose their virginity because of too much joy (haha. sorry, had to say something ishtar-ish)? so whenever we are at the height of our emotions, don't act first. remember to pause, reflect, and pray.

there's this one story that our parish priest related in one of his homily which is like eons ago (i really like the story that's why i remembered). its about two best of friends. time came when one of them was about to get married. when they were in the church, the bride stood at the back ready to walk down the aisle when her best friend came running towards her and slapped her. and then the commotion begun. the girl who slapped her best friend was immediately thrown out of the church and was condemned for life for ruining the most important occasion in her best friend's life (now i am laughing remembering that story. honga no, what a coincidence). one day, the priest saw the girl in the church praying. remembering what happened, the priest went to the girl and asked, 'why did you do that to your friend? aren't you suppose to be the first one who should be happy for her? why did you slap her on the most special day of her life?' the girl looked up to the priest and said, 'father, kase po may malaking lamok na nakadapo sa pisngi nya. ayoko po sana sya makagat kaya nagawa ko yun.' now i know why it became a favorite. coz it made me laugh hard when i heard the ending.

an act is an act. we can take it in different ways, give a hundred interpretation to it. run our lives around it depending on how we see it. but again, an act is just an act. without intention, it is lifeless, meaningless, amoral. maybe instead of scrutinizing the act, we should dig into what the intention was. motives are the driving force of our actions.

i hope my last installment will be the last in this growing 'word war' in our inbox (--or so it seems. hihi. coz more than you know or it seems like, it was designed to convey an important lesson. ;D). can i tell you a secret? here it goes: i have not given up. coz love doesn't just give up.

i hope we all have a beautiful day ahead.



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